How to come out to your room mate

[gdude30]

Hello boys and girls. As you may or may not know coming out to your room mate can be one of the hardest things to do. Some try the direct approach, some let the room mate walk in while the person in the room is looking at something, or others never tell their room mates.

But I think it's important that the room mate does. So while there are the typical ways I find it much easier to be sleeping with a guy when your room mate walks in then getting out of bed in a flash and going "Oh hey what's up man"

Pretty much officially the first week of classes and I'm found out -_-

The way this happened was a while before I came to college I know an alumni who went here and he emailed the school for me asking about gay groups or organizations since I couldn't find any. He got in contact with a counselor who knew a senior who is gay and is close to campus and said that he wouldn't mind talking to me and helping me out.

Last week I contacted him and after I felt I could trust him I hung out with him and his friends. They are an awesome group. They are all seniors but alot different then most people which I like and they are happy with themselves.

Well it seems everytime I hang out with the guy who I originally talk to alone if we ever go somewhere and there isn't anyone around he will put his arm around me. He asked if it was okay and I told him I don't mind. And I've been noticed he has been doing this more and last night when I hung out with him and his friends and he dropped me off he kissed me when I gave him the goodbye hug. We came to my dorm the other day but my roomate was here so i got some things and left.

But today he wasn't here. It's rare when he is here. And I figured we were gonna play PS2 or something. But he sits down on my bed and then grabs me and holds me tightly. He then lays on the bed and kind of holds me against him. He kisses me a little and rubs me too. I am not feeling this. I don't really feel comfortable with it but I don't want to make a scene. And it's not like he was trying to get into my pants. Literally all he did was hold me close to him. I think that's all he really wants. Is someone to hold. So after feeling akward I finally decided to sleep and fell asleep in his arms. Someone knocked on the door once which spooked me but I got up and no one was there. We kept our clothes on too because I did not want it to be sexual and I don't think he did either. He is a big gentle guy.

But anyways to the point.

While I was asleep I heard the door open and my eyes were scared like hell and my roomate walked in.

I got up fast and said "Oh hey James what's up." He isn't stupid and I don't know if he thinks we did anything. But two guys holding each other ain't something I doubt he sees everyday. He did not say anything. I looked around for my DS because I could not find it and he worked on his laptop for a while and left.

So when he left I told the guy that it felt akward. He then sat back on the bed and pulled me back but this time I decided to break away. He diddn't fight it. He wouldn't have had a problem if I told him I wasn't comfortable with doing that. But I'm not good at saying no. And even though it might look dirty in all truth it was pretty innocent. I told him I had mixed feelings about this and I don't want to date anyone becuase I'm not out. He told me he understood. I told him I felt weird about laying there with him too. He told me it's perfectly normal for friends to cuddle. I asked him if he ever cuddled with his other friend. He told me no. He said he isn't cuddly. It's obvious that he wants a little more. And I don't mean sex. I mean love. I just don't feel any chemistry between us. But he's a cool guy and I like hanging out with him and his friends and we have things in common. I mainly don't want to hurt his feelings. I mean we all at times need someone to hold. But maybe the way he went about it wasn't the best way. But it's not like he forced me to lay with him. Well in some ways it is but I could have easily said no and told him I wasn't comfortable with it.

I just have really mixed feelings about that. I kinda feel you should only be real intimate with someone who you like. That's why I pretty much just layed there and did not kiss him or do anything with him. I don't feel anything for him except the fact that he's a good friend of mine. But I saw this coming. I could tell that he really wanted this and he's done alot for me by introducing me to his friends, taking me to get my phone fixed, and things like that. He's a nice guy and maybe there isn't anything wrong with cuddling. I don't think I am going to date this year. Next year I might. But even if I do date someone I honestly don't want to date him. But I don't want to hurt him. He's a gentle guy. Gentle guys tend to have sensitive hearts.

And the other thing. My room mate has something in his mind. I do want to talk to him about it. It's not like I'm gonna go "OH YEAH DUDE WE WEREN'T DOING ANYTHING I'M TOTALLY STRAIGHT"

I don't think I really need to tell him I'm gay. He seems like he's a pretty open and cool person. He is christian and doesn't judge me for being agnostic. He might not think much of what he saw. But I just don't want him to think that me and the guy actually had sex. That's my biggest fear. In some ways I would not care as much if he told guys I am guy. But if he has in his mind that I had sex with him or tells other guys that. That's a completely different story. But I don't think he will. But I really need to talk to him the next time he comes in here. Although I'm sure he might try to avoid me for a while if the subject is sensitive to him. I thought about locking the door not because I expected something to happen. But he opens the door it's locked. I get out of bed and go on my laptop and act like everything is normal. If everything was normal then what reason would I have to lock the door. Maybe I am over thinking this. It is pretty much my fault. If I just told the guy that I felt akward cuddling with him and I am not ready for that then I never would have got caught.

I'm just a bit unsure about what to do right now. Gays aren't really made fun of here or picked on because of certain events and incidents that have happened at this school and have made the people realize they don't want to be part of the community that hates gays, makes fun of gays, and kills gays. But the Freshmen are always unpredictable. I've actually seen lots of gay seniors. And I know two of the teachers are gay. One being the PE coach I donno who the other faculty member is.

It's just those damn Freshmen jocks who would rag on me about it. They wouldn't do it to try to hurt my feelings or get to me. Just to mess around. People like to do that.

Damn this is such a pain. I was hesitant about posting it here but I guess in some ways I am asking for advice. I'm sure some people will go "OMGZ STOP LYING U LITTLE SLUT WE ALL TOTALLY KNOW U HAD SEX"

I did sort of think of what it would be like with him for a minute or two and thought about what his cock would be like. But if I did that it wouldn't have anything more then me using him which I was not planning on doing. I also don't want to lead him on which I think I might have already done. Or gotten his hope ups and he might think "Oh he doesn't mind me putting my arm around him and cuddling with him. I might have a chance with him."

Stupid me for doing that.

Crap why did this have to happen. Today was one of the best days academically speaking since I was on time to my classes, paid attention, got the assignments turned in and am starting to turn things around. I swear it never ends. I'm was totally on the right path. Now this freaking huge obstacle is in the way. I am definitely gonna talk to the counselor about this. She is a nice lady. She also knows the guy personally so she might know the best course of action.

But I thought I might ask for some advice here too.

Pretty much what I should do about this guy because it's obvious he likes me and wants to be my boyfriend but since he can't have that right now he likes to cuddle with me and put his arm around me hoping that things will progress further when I doubt they will because I really don't see chemistry between us but I like him as a friend and as a person. It's not an easy thing to do. I've been turned down before and it wasn't fun. But at least I stopped wondering. Not everyone you meet is gonna like you and want to be with you. And maybe he needs to do that.

And then there's that whole thing about my room mate finding out I'm gay and I'm really wondering if he'll tell someone. He might tell someone just because he needs to get it out. Since he's straight it's probably hard for him to be in a situation like this. I can't blame him for telling someone which I think he will. But IT'S WHO HE TELLS. My sister told one of her friends I was gay and she told the whole fucking world. Some people will tell secrets or things that shouldn't be said to the whole world.

It's much better to tell the whole world random shit that no one cares about and things that can't hurt others.

Damn I'm sorta getting a headache over this.

Oh shit I need to go to the group and organization fair tonight. I BECAME A JOURNALIST TODAY. HELL YEAH. Another step closer to becoming a philosopher

But damn this guy I don't want to hurt him and now someone who is straight and I don't know what he thinks of gays know I'm gay.

This is a mess.

Any advice booths around. That kinda reminds me of a charlie brown thing where that girl with the black hair wrote something like "Pyschology 5 cents" Or maybe it was 10 cents.

That was awesome.

 

[gdude30]

Oh I forgot that board even existed.

I just realized this is about "Coming out"

It just feels weird since I'm already out but then you back in the closet at school again.

But it's not like I'm officially out to everyone..yet

MODS.

PLEASE MOVE TO COMING OUT FORUM

Thanks Noelie

 

[GL]

^ report your post so that the mods will see your request.

 

[Txgoodoldboy]

I went through the same thing my Freshmen year in college. But I didn't cuddle. The guy was a pain in the ass about sex.

The senior is using you. And you are using him. If you are not interested in sex, don't cuddle, just be friends. Just say no. It will get to the point where you will need to say, stop. It's either friendship, or nothing.

If your roommate caught you in the arms of another man, he knows you are gay. I would let it go. If he wants to talk, keep it simple. I don't think he would understand, if you told him every little detail.

Try to relax. You are making it too complicated.

 

[star-warrior]

^ wot Tx says.

 

[quasar]

Hey hun, I moved your thread to the CO&R forum as you'll get a much better response here without any flames.

 

[Lube]

1. I'll say what you already know: You need to tell the senior--in no uncertain terms--that you're not interested in anything beyond friends. You are leading him on, and will surely break his heart if you don't stop it. NOW.

2. It's not the greatest way to come out, but, hey, it happened and there's nothing you can do about it. You might broach the subject with your roommate. It will be very awkward to never talk about it. If he's uncomfortable talking about it, then drop it. At least you tried. No need to defend yourself. Just let him know, yes, you're gay but that nothing really happened with this guy, and nothing will. (You don't want him spreading rumors that you're in love with this guy.)

 

[sabot3ur]

change your facebook and act like you've been out since birth.

works for me.

 

[gdude30]

I went through the same thing my freshman year in college. But I didn't cuddle. The guy was a pain in the ass about sex.

The senior is using you. And you are using him. If you are not interested in sex, don't cuddle, just be friends. Just say no. It will get to the point where you will need to say, stop. It's either friendship, or nothing.

If your roommate caught you in the arms of another man, he knows you are gay. I would let it go. If he wants to talk, keep it simple. I don't think he would understand, if you told him every little detail.

Try to relax. You are making it too complicated.

I guess you're right. It just diddn't seem harmless when he wanted to cuddle. Until he touched me ass. That's when I stopped being naive. I guess lots of other guys on here if a guy put their arm around you or something and you did not feel comfortable you'd just tell them so and it would be the end of that.

Instead of escallating into getting caught in bed by the room mate -_-

Can't believe how easy it was to prevent this. Ah well. Live and learn I guess.

I did not know he liked me sexual. I thought he was just lonely and wanted someone to hold and cuddle with. That's why I was semi okay with it.

I never figured I was leading him on but I guess since I did not say no to him putting his arm around me and the cuddling that is kinda like leading him on. But in bed I did not do anything really. Just responded to his first kiss until he started to try to deep kiss me then I backed away. Then every time he tried to kiss me I got my lips distant or put my head against his so that way he wouldn't try that. And you think you're back to someone means that you aren't in interesting..well I guess that can very much vary.

If I liked him then I would have been very affectionate with him, kissed him alot, explore his body, take out his cock, and then everything that continues after that.

But because I did not show affection I figured he'd get the picture. But I guess since we were in bed together that was enough for him to think "I have a chance with him"

I guess when two gay men are in bed it can never be innocent >_>"

But I guess what I told him wasn't good enough. I pretty much told him I am not ready for a boyfriend right now and don't want to be out yet. And that is true. But that still tells him "I still have a chance one day"

I think I really need to tell him I am not interested in him sexually but I did enjoy being his friend and still do want to if things can ever be the same again. But that might hurt him...

But it would hurt more for him to always "Hope" and wait for that day where I can be with him. Because I know that's what he's wanting right now.

I should have refused the cuddle or told him I don't feel comfortable with it and he might have been a little hurt but probably gotten over it.

Damnit I wish I could say no and not worry about hurting someone's feelings.

Exactly Lube. Even if he doesn't like gays he needs to at least know that me and that guy never did anything and never will.

I don't think he would spread rumors though. His personality doesn't seem like the type to do that. But I do think he would be conflicted after thinking that I had sex with that guy and finding out I'm gay. And that he will need to talk to someone and unfortunately I should have talked to him then. But with the senior in the room it felt it would have been akward. I was actually thinking he'd leave to give us some time to talk. But as I found out he wanted to cuddle more and possibly do sex. At least the second time I broke away from it.

I don't want the senior spreading rumors that we are a couple too. I just hope that whoever my room mate talked to doesn't have a big mouth and doesn't tell the whole world.

I want to talk to my room mate as soon as possible. And even if he refuses to talk to it like you said lube.

At least I tried.

But I am gonna talk to the counselor tomorrow who knows this guy more then I or anyone does and tell her the situation and she'd know the best way for me to talk with him and to make it less painful for him.

I am really starting to think if when we hung out together if he thought those were like dates. Even when hanging out with his friends.

I sure hope he diddn't...but he might have. I sure diddn't.

This is a pain but

But TX is right. What's done is done. The outcome really depends on tomorrow's events. Everything has already been set in motion.

I am hoping my roomate will come here in the morning tomorrow when I wake up. He usually does. But he might try to avoid me now.

All I can do tomorrow is talk to the roomate, talk to the counselor, talk to the senior, and focus in class with all this shit going on.

Actually there isn't really much to worry about right now. If I do everything right everything might resolve itself.

No reason to worry about what could be I suppose.

 

[LAguyhere]

What is your reaction if you walk in on him snuggling with a girl?

Give your roomie the respect you are demanding for yourself. Give him time to get to know you. Relax. Breathe.

 

[gdude30]

Uhm.

He is just another straight guy who needs love and they seem to be happy together and I should probably leave them alone and talk to him about it later if he wants.

The problem is WE ARE SO MUCH ALIKE.

And both of us aren't really good at making small talk...but I have tips..

He is a friendly guy and doesn't ignore you or anything. But it's just hard to talk to him for some reason. Nothing wrong with him. I think he feels that I am the same. But it works out because he is never here so I can masturbate all I want and blast my music.

And he's usually here when I'm not here so he can have his peace.

Room mates don't have to be best friends. It would be a plus. But I don't think it is gonna happen with me and him.

I can't be friends with someone who is like me. Ironic as it seems it doesn't really work like that XD

But I will give him time to get to know me. He can see a version of a gay person that isn't shown in the media. But who knows. Maybe he has gay friends and is cool with gay people. But I am gonna find out when I talk to him.

 

[M4P]

I've just finished editing one post and removing another from this thread

This forum is for serious discussion and I'd like to remind everyone you're in a NO FLAME zone

Thanks for your co-operation