How to open up?

[chrisdobro]

one cause can be self esteem. You feel that you don't have anything of value to contribute, and if you do, it may result in embarrassement. A safer choice to not say anything, and so you don't.

Or it could be hopelessness. Your thoughts could be that saying something will not matter anyway and change nothing, so why even try ?

What you did by sending an email to the person is great for you ! This is a step in assering yourself and I'm happy you got over yourself and did it. Assertiveness comes hard, so give yourself a pat on the back for going through with it. Yes, you deserve it !

To open up in general I'd advise to keep challenging yourself to do small steps towards things you feel your old self wouldn't do. Don't aim too high, but don't aim too low either. Keep your goals just above the edge. One thing that also helped me a bit and is probably an unconscious protection mechanism -- I noticed that when I do something exceptionally daring, like after squeezing out an action or words out of myself that the old me wouldn't say, I shut off my overthinking mind and switch into observer mode instead. This stops me from panicked thinking "what the hell am I doing?" to watching "what will happen now?".

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>You know I've been going to my local HLBT center for a few times now. But the problem is that I've mainly been quiet there, just listening other people talk. It's just like here (or any other forum). I'm typing my reply, but I never press the submit reply button. I feel like it's stupid or something, so why bother replying.

The fine art of conversation is something you have to work at. (I still am.) You're already doing the first step - listening. But as you hear their words, let your mind expand a bit on what they're saying. Is there any information you're not getting, and you're curious about? Some part of the story that you're unclear about, or that you'd like more information about? Ask. Questions are the easiest way to contribute to the conversation. Quentions don't necessarily add anything, but they nudge the conversation in different directions. This might be the easiest way to get used to talking with these people.

And yes, this IS a big deal. Way to go!

Lex

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Dude,

Rome was not built in a day either, and you need time, energy and loads of patience with yourself.

You sometimes hear that being a gay really boils down to being someone, who is used to taking the initiative and ever so often getting, what he wants in the first place. Mostly, they turn you down for all kinds of reasons. But you move on and knock on other doors.

So, if someone is not contacting you, grab the bull by the horns, give them a chance or even two and pick it up from there. If they still stay silent, well, that's telling you something, too. So, you move on and conquer new territory.

Your strength will grow with each and every new conquest.

SC

 

[AaronG]

Hey WAN,

A little recklessness might do you good. If you're anything like me, you censor most of what you want to say, worrying that it's not good enough or people won't respond well to you.

But the truth is, no one judges you as harshly as you do yourself. Honestly, what's the worst that could happen? Getting shot down? It happens, but not as much as you're afraid it will, and it's really not that big a deal anyway. It feels much better, knowing you didn't let fear keep from reaching out.

I've been intimidated by the "Post Reply" button, but now I try as hard as I can to just throw my thoughts out there and see what happens. If you've got something you want to say, make it a policy to hit SEND, even if nerves are holding you back. You deserve to be heard.

 

[backpacker]

Congratulations on having the nerve to contact him. From what you wrote, that sounds like a big step for you. Build upon this success and your life will change before you know it. Good luck!

 

[backpacker]

Congratulations! You are taking things one step at a time and making progress. Keep up the good work.

 

[jackal_78]

Well, this may be slightly off topic, but I got really excited when I saw your avatar. Is that actually from Patrick Wolf's "Wind in the Wires" music video? If so, I'm pretty ridiculously impressed.

 

[jackal_78]

My excitement stems from the fact that I live in rural Alberta and out of everyone I know I'm the only one who has even heard of Mr. Wolf, let alone actually enjoyed his music.

I tend to forget not everyone else is in quite the same position, so you'll have to excuse me if I seem a little overzealous.

 

[jackal_78]

I think his music really fits to Finnish landscape, probably Canadian too. The short days and the long winters...

Too true. Once winter sets in and everything is transformed into a desolate and bleak wasteland few things can match my mood as good as him.

Lycanthropy and Wind In The Wires are "darker" albums than TMP. Lycanthropy is my favourite. TMP is a bit too happy for my taste normally. I like the way he uses electronics too.

Mmm...Lycanthropy is by far my favorite as well. WITW is definitely right after it, but it just lacks that rawness that Lycanthropy captures so well.

 

[backpacker]

Great update! See what happens when you take a couple of risks and overcome your fears. I can hardly wait until the next update.