How to tell bf to stop hooking up with others?

[blahman16]

How do I effectively convey to my bf to stop hooking up with others? His reasoning is that he chooses to hookup with others via CL or a4a because I am not there to be with him. But, I don't want him to hook up with others, and realistically we aren't able to see each other everyday.

I certainly don't choose to hookup with others when I am in a relationship. I wish there was someway I could convey to him that what he's doing is hurting my feelings.

 

[bankside]

You convey it just like that.

"I'm not into open relationships. Our future together depends on us agreeing on this point. If you don't agree, I wish you well, but it won't be with me at your side."

This is a situation where you can be that blunt. If he says "Are you giving me an ultimatum then?" the answer can be "Yep, pretty much!"

He doesn't have to want a monogamous relationship. But you don't have to want an open relationship. If you don't see eye to eye, then it is time to wind things down.

My own experience is with monogamy only, but we have a close friend who has an open relationship, and she would agree with everything I've said here. He has no business hooking up with anyone unless you find that hot to think about him doing it, and you both think it is positive for your relationship.

BTW you don't have to do anything magical to convey your feelings - you have said it beautifully in what you posted here. The thing is, does he want to have that conveyed to him, or does he care only for his own feelings?

 

[seven2go]

How about......."If you don't stop that shit either get out or I'm going to blow your balls off.......and not the way you're thinking......."

...................................................

 

[hotb0d]

is this for real?

you tell that cheating bastard: FUCK OFF! you small dick whore!

 

[miguelfukt]

dont let him take advantage of you!

 

[hylas]

huh? this must be a joke. why are you still with him?

 

[tonyboy]

How do I effectively convey to my bf to stop hooking up with others? His reasoning is that he chooses to hookup with others via CL or a4a because I am not there to be with him. But, I don't want him to hook up with others, and realistically we aren't able to see each other everyday.

I certainly don't choose to hookup with others when I am in a relationship. I wish there was someway I could convey to him that what he's doing is hurting my feelings.

Holy cow man..
He figures he is in an 'open relationship'. coud be you dont' see it that way..
Man I've written/talked to many guys that want an open relationship..

Either you make it clear to him or you don't.. up to you.. Seems he still wants to mess around... If you can put up with it well then do it... but if you cannot. well then dump him..

And actually my friend.. you and he are not really in a relationship if he still seeks others out... you are just dating..
no commitment.. just dating..

Seems that the 'relationship' in is your mind only, not his..
Accept it or just move on.

You cannot control a guy that does not want to be controlled... perhaps you should find a guy that wants to commit to you, and you only..
best to you man.

 

[thisisinteresting]

I'm sorry but I actually laughed when I read this thread title. There's really only one way to do that. If you guys don't want the same thing out of the relationship and can't compromise, end it.

 

[rareboy]

Kick his ass to the curb.

That will convey your thoughts quite clearly.

 

[G-Lexington]

You have to either accept this guy as is, which involves hooking up with other guys, or you have to set him free. Your choice.

Lex

 

[hylas]

You have to either accept this guy as is, which involves hooking up with other guys, or (...)

this has been implied a couple of times now. i would like to point out that this option not only means you have to accept him hooking up with other guys. it also means accepting that this guy doesnt give a shit about you or your feelings.

seriously, dump him and then visit the local doormats anonymous meeting.

 

[rareboy]

seriously, dump him and then visit the local doormats anonymous meeting.

If you don't you might as well have 'Welcome' , 'Please Wipe Your Feet' tattooed across your back.

 

[Just_Believe18]

This thread should be called, "How do I tell my boyfriend to please stop cheating on me?"

You dump him. There's no reason to stay with a guy who hooks up with random strangers on sex sites because "you're not there" to get him off. What an ass!

There's no reason for you to even stay in this. This relationship was over a long time ago, and the both of you consider yourself in a relationship in name only.

 

[Revan46]

You have two options here:

1. Tell him it's either your way or the highway.

or 2. Dump him

Personally I would choose #2. And I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this asshole.

 

[Fucker29]

How about you grow a pair and man up instead of whining and playing the victim card? You're only a victim if you allow yourself to be one.

Just fucking stand up for yourself! Jesus! He's hooking up with guys, you're getting hurt and you still come here and ask what you should do when you KNOW very well what you have to do? Sorry but I've no sympathy for you. Call me a bitch or ice cold...just telling it like it is. You know what you have to do...it's simple...instead of telling us all this, tell HIM!!!

 

[Fucker29]

You have to either accept this guy as is, which involves hooking up with other guys, or you have to set him free. Your choice.

Lex

This advise works too.

It IS your choice!
Ever heard that "shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice" kind off saying?

 

[Lefty]

Simple

CUT OFF HIS ALLOWANCE

OR

CUT OFF HIS GENITALS

Simple

 

[rollex_2000]

Why don't some people understand that cheating and sleeping with somebody other than your partner are different things.

Cheating is cheating, no matter when, where and is defined as ' a lie said or done'. You can cheat by sleeping with somebody (and then lie about it or simply hide it) or you can cheat buy lying to your partner regarding the recent big charge on the credit card or anything untruthful for that matter.


It doesn't sound like this guy is getting cheated on since he is aware and apparently his bf is not even putting an effort to hide or deny it.

Now my advise....

You have following options

1. tell him that you are not okay with an open relationship
and
a. he may actually agree stop sleeping around
b. he may say that he can't and if you are not okay with it you will have to brake up
c. he will say that he will stop (because he loves you) but will continue doing what he is doing now, except it will be cheating because he will have to lie
2. you decide that you love him the way he is and set some rules (as far as it goes to playing safe, getting tested, etc....

now option 1a. and 1b are very dangerous and if he agrees to 1a you there is a big chance it's going to be end up as 1c and it will always keep you wandering because people hardly change,

now you are left either with 1b or 2 options too....
Either brake up or accept him the way he is. If you don't want to hookup with other then DONT, but understand that for him sleeping with other doesn't mean anything emotionally and he loves you. The fact that he comes back to should matter more to you... Accept his hookups as if he jacked off to porn... UNDERSTAND THAT sex for him is not a way of displaying his love and/or affection, at least I am talking about the type of sex that he is having on the side..


good luck

 

[TX-Beau]

OK, some questions. You don’t have to reply, just ask yourself.

1. Does he know he’s your boyfriend? Or does he think something else?

2. Did he agree to be monogamous?

If the answer is no anywhere, you have no leg to stand on. I find it strange that a guy who’s agreed to be in a monogamous, exclusive relationship with you, is that casual about broken promises. Or that you’d be in here complaining about in the manner you are. You don’t want hem to sleep with other guys, but you’re not coming across as particularly betrayed. Makes me think you knew he was promiscuous, you’ve been dating maybe, and you haven’t discussed commitment with him in any serious fashion – which wouldn’t surprise me in the least since obviously you can’t dredge up the courage to talk to him about this.

If – as I suspect, he hasn’t made you any promises, then you have no right to demand he do anything.

You can only discuss. So some other questions.

Why haven’t you confronted him? If I was with a guy who agreed to an exclusive arrangement, the moment he betrayed that promise, I would get very confrontational, very fast.

Are you afraid that if you confront him he’ll just leave?

Or are you not in a position to call this betrayal?

 

[Jo-thin]

TThis reminds me of my current boyfriend!! Before I left to vacation he said he wanted to take a break and fulfill his sexual fantasizes with guys way outta my league :/ and I was so depressed just picturing my boyfriend being touched by another man (more attractive than me in his eyes) pisses me off! But I was willing to let him do that just so I can keep him I love him so much but he ended up not doing it (I'm guessing he was rejected lmfao) but hes showing me more love than ever and I'm doin the same!

I don't think its fair for your boyfriend to be doing that, I say you give a talk about how you feel about the situation and if he doesn't fix this problem I'd say leave his ass! You probably could do better ! Best of luck to ya