how u found out u were bi or gay

[Kyanimal]

Definitely when it went past "Show Me Yours" to "Pull On Mine"!!


Keep smilin'!!
Ky

 

[laweho940]

i always had feelings and attraction to male peers as a kid, but never really thought anything of it or really knew what it was or meant. when i was in junior high the feelings grew stronger and i was getting frustrated and depressed, but it was the summer before Freshmen year of high school when the light bulb went off. it was quite funny. i was downstairs at home, alone, watching Jerry Springer and he had gay teens on his show (this was back in 1991) and after 20 minutes of watching the show.....i all of a sudden said outloud......"OH SHIT!" right then i knew exactly what it was. i knew what being gay meant, but didn't think teenagers could be "gay." i laugh at that moment now....good ole Jerry Springer! ha.

 

[star-warrior]

Dad had a pack of naughty playing cards hidden in his chest of drawers in his bedroom featuring men and women going at it. I was five or six, and I was fascinated by the men....

The media is not a good reflection of what being gay is - camp, effeminate, bitchy, queeny, transvestite types, and the limp wristed Quentin Crisps fags. I wasn't like that, and it wasn't until well into my late teens that I knew, or rather found out, you didn't need to be like that to be gay.

I bought my first gay porn at 15, and because I was an early developer, I looked 17+, so I got some jerk off material of all these moustachioed types (but it had gay sex, albeit blotted out with varying sized circle over the important bits) - mid eighties way before www. so I guess I pretty well knew something was not straight with me as early as my tender years. Is that nature, or nurture?

 

[call_me_Dick]

I remember taking baths with dad, and one moment in time stuck in my mind when I noticed how big his thingy was. Later, dad took me to the municipal swimming pool. Walking through the showers, I remember a group of fair-haired teenagers horeseplaying. What struck me was how white their butts were against deep, deep tans. They also had big cocks set perfectly in bushes of pubic hair, like birds nested. Later when my mom was giving birth to my little brother, I would have been four and a half then, I was sent to stay with family friends. While playing with their little daughter who brought up the subject of weddings, I looked at the mother and proudly announced that when I grew up that I was going to marry a boy. Her reaction showed me that it might be better to keep my desires secret ( I look back on that and wonder why she took that in such a hostile tone....guess I was convincing at four). By five I was playing with other boys in my treefort, lots of frottage and touching. This went on for a few years until around fourth grade, mom caught me and a neighbor boy "chicken fighting". My dad's solution for everything was "the belt" and I was fully expecting the worst beating ever. To my shock, my dad sat me down and basically told me that whatever I was doing with the other boy that he preferred I do it with girls. I spent the rest of my adolescence under close watch and outside whacking off with a few straight buddies over Playboys and Penthouses (my dad always had great stashes of porn under his bed.....I became an expert on memorizing the positions of each mag lest I be caught). I also remember dad getting a copy of "Oui"(I thought "what a dumb name... Owee") but unlike Playboy and Penthouse (at the time), Owee showed couples ......and "COCK". Later a Playgirl popped up and I was in heaven (I think back on that and I very much doubt my mom would've bought that....my dad's brothers are gay or "confirmed bachelors" and I kinda wonder now how far this gay gene went) My openly gay uncle talks of an uncle of his that was on the verge of "molester" (hard lump while sitting on his lap). Without social pressure to marry and reproduce, I wonder how long ago my bloodline might have extinguished itself. As far as I know, I was never a product of molestation, far from it ....outside the porn, my upbringing was very "nuclear". My dad showed constant affection towards my mom. I remember only one serious fight between them and that scared the hell out of me. My dad was a terrible homophobe and I'm sure I was a disappointment (I'm sure he knew)....He portrayed himself as the consummate "stud" in high school and I was very reserved in comparison. My first sexual relationship was in my third year in college (a bi threeway with a college buddy and his girlfriend) It was the happiest five months of my life until the phone call came. My dad died at 46 from a massive heart attack and I took it as a sign of God punishing me for being happy for a change. It was another three years before I resumed any kind of sex life.

 

[Pabratz]

I was 11 I think, my father had a book of "sexual positions" and lemme tell you I STILL remember the guys in that book (12 years later!).

From that moment I knew I liked guys, but it took about 4-5 years to actually call it "gay".

Oh yea by looking at them positions, i knew I didn't get attacted to the women. I knew then..

<3 Bratz

 

[operafan]

It should have been a clue when I was about 10 I saw the movie "Rio Bravo." Ricky Nelson made such an impression on me that I dreamed about him that night. I don't remember my dreams usually, but I vividly remember his beautiful face.

Nothing interesting happened until I was in my twenties in a cruising park in Germany and this guy stuck his pecker in my ass. I didn't like the way it happened but it helped confirm for me that it was boys all the way.

 

[HiddenMalePassion-]

I think it was when my mom printed a picture of a GORGREOUS naked man with a hard cock. She hid it in her dresser and every chance I could I looked at that picture and was AMAZED at how big he was. And I used to get hard from it.

You know I still can't believe how big dicks get in a male's lifetime.

 

[JordanT]

When I was about 9 or 10 years old I was checking out the boys in the locker room changing for gym class, trying to get a glimpse of their cocks because I was an early developer and out of curiosity wanted to know if anybody else had pubes too. Well one day I got a real good look at one and I got a stiffy from it. I thought it was real weird because I liked girls and had often tried to get a glimpse of them naked too. (I used to play "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" with my girl cousins.) So I didn't think too much of it at first. But as I got older and hit the teen years, I caught myself looking at and thinking about boys more and more. I went through a very confusing period because I knew I liked girls, so why am I checking him out? Long story short, after years of inner conflict and confusion, I finally accepted the fact that I'm bi.

 

[Slansky]

I've always liked the look of guys with veins on their arms--especially the big veins that run down the arm over the top of the bicep. When I started getting hard when I'd see them, I knew something was amiss. And particularly when the older guys in the neighborhood would let me run my fingers over their veins, and I'd discover myself hard in my pants without even realizing it. I've never liked chicks. Give me a veiny guy any day!

 

[doorslammer]

I was always getting busted for playing doctor with all the kids on the block,and my best friend and I were always playing with each other. We built a really cool hideout underneath my parents house for the main purpose of getting naked. One day I brought these two guys from my class who wanted to check out the clubhouse after one of them left the other one closed the door and said "now we do what you want to do".before i even had a chance to ask what that was he busted open his pants and he had a full on bush of hair and a the dick that belonged to a 16 or 17 year old. I had seen high school aged guys naked before at the public pool and could not wait until my dick got hair on it and started getting big.i opened up my pants after about 30 seconds and we started playing with each other for a while and then he says "watch this" and he went down on me, just for a few seconds i was totally shocked but remember exactly how it felt.i asked him where he saw that and he said Playboy. u wanna try? i put his in my mouth for just a couple of seconds and pulled off and went back again for a few more. it felt very strange but i knew that i liked it and was never going to not not do it again.i had figured out about jacking off and a couple of weeks before was the first time i shot cum. scared the shit out of me and i swore i would never do it again. of course the next afternoon i was back at it. i asked him if he could make sperm come out of his dick he said yeah so we jacked off. the next day after school my best friend joined in the festivities and it pretty much went on until about the 7th grade when my best decided that queers only did that.didn't stop me and L from getting together.I had interests in the females of the species but it was too bad they didn't come with a dick as an option.I knew i liked sucking dicks and was always trying to catch a look at as many as i could.when we started high school me and my best friend went out to smoke a joint and we took our shirts off to keep the smell away cause his mom had a nose like a bloodhound and the next thing he says is lets go streaking, never one not to be naked, we streaked and sat down on the grass, I was spacing out turned around and he was jacking off.this was the first time i had seen his dick in a couple of years and now he had finally grown some hair.A few more times of jacking off together then jacking each other I had him sucking my dick,and was fucking him.we did it almost everyday afterschool or after dinner we would up to the school to the building where the track equipment was stored since he was the equipment manager for the team he would leave open for us to play in.this went on until we were about 17.in the meantime me and L had been boinking other pretty regularly at his house. one day in the act of that a box fell down in his closet, scared the shit out of us.his 1 year younger brother had his pants down around his knees and lost his balance watching us and jacking off.L had always ben trying to fuck me but i wasn't into it pretty much because only REAL fags did that plus L was not much on the finese side of things.He dragged his brother over to the bed jerked his pants off and i started to blow him and L proceeded to fuck him.it was very hot except for the fact that i thought he was kind of mean about it.so we had a reguar 3 way thing going on. I knew i liked sucking cock all this time and was thinking that i would get over this as a kind of phase.i kept on thinking this way even though i had two other giuys that i would have sex with.one i had known since second grade, in 8th grade we started to hang out as a regular thing and i was noticing things like him checking out my dick if we were peeing, looking at porn mags staring longer at the pages where they had photos of cock,and one day wew were in the sauna at this pool and we were in the buff.i wasn't really on the make but i looked over at him and he had a totak hard on and like six hairs on his dick. i started sporting some wood and he looked over at me and started touching my dick.i went to do the same to him and he blew his wad in less than 30 seconds.using the easy as you go method within a year he was giving me head and was liking getting fucked.Every weekend i stayed over at his house or he was at mine and we'd come home for lunch and do nooners cause i lived like right by the school.he was really adventuresome and we had sex in all kinds of crazy places. we had tons of fun and it went on until we were like 19 or so. all the time i knew what i was doing and loving it but i wasn't gay.the other guy was a way cute stoner guy i would burn with and his dad had a deli and there was all kinds of munchie type food stored in their basement so we'd go there after. He had gone down to get some stuff for us to eat and i pulled out his straight porn magazines to be looking at and this gay one that i had also came flying out. he just had just come back into the room as i was looking at it,and totally freaked and started making excuses right away about what he was doing with it.i just asked him "who's dick are you wanting to suck in here?"you like this too he goes and i rubbed his basket a little bit he was already kind of hard. we were like 16 about and we blew each other for the rest of high school and pretty often until we were about 20.it just kind of worked out.ait was about this time i started to coming to the conclusion that i was gay but thinking no way i'm crazy.theres no way i could have been gay i dont act like it talk like it or even look like one of those guys.i didn't really have to work very hard at getting any of these guys it was just something that happened to be convinient.i knew there had to be other guys who were doing the same thing.and of course i started tripping on who they might be. i would have done it with them too if they were my type.i was born in san francisco and this being the late 70's the gay population was out and all over, i had going to the city a few times hoping to find other goodlooking guys around my age who were after the same thing.seeing the Nova,Catalina,and William Higgins porns i wanted to find other guys who looked like that as i did who seemed cool/normal but liked sucking other guys dicks, it was kind of fucked up because i got a lot of attention and a lot of it was from people i wanted nothing to do with.i was grossed out by everything about most of them,what they wore, how they acted,how they appeared to others, and mostly the fat old troll chicken hawk ones, or the overdosed on taking the macho leather thing to the extreme ones who didn't know how to take no for an answer.i was not like that.nobody was even thinking that i was gayor knew what was up.not even the ones i was having sex with knew about the other ones.I swear all of this is true, i don't know if it was the water,the pot, my luck or what but it was easy for me to nail guys at my school.i had admitted to myself that i was gay but wasn't going to be a faggot like those days.we used to drive by one of the first gay bars The Endup on the way to my grandparents house every weekend and used to always hope for a red light on that corner, there were some way hot 20ish guys most of the time and i remember my brothers saying that mikes going to end up at the The Endup to give me a bad time.I did finally make it there...25years later.i had never had sex with anyone older than myself, two months before i turned 18, i was walking down the street and was cruised by this guy about 25, blonde hair,i like dark better, but he was a goodlooking F Fawcwtt feathered hair Levi's 501 kind of guy and i was just testing my skills of my gaydar perception and went for the chance.he lived nearby,went to his shack talked for a little bit on non sex stuff, and he just started to unbutton his Levis and i instantly got wood when i saw how big his dick was. i started sucking his dick so hard i thought his face would cave in.I was so nervous about what was happening i could barely get my own thing out, when he went down on me,it was over in a mnute.i split pretty quickly after that.That is the point when i admitted/accepted that i was gay and wasn't going to stop liking what i was doing.I think i was able to ride the denial thing as long as i did because although i was having some real good sex in those previous years a lot of it was convenince rather than the true desire of the others to want to have sex with men. he also showed me that there are gay men out there who do not fit the stereotypes that are what most people have of us and you don't have to make being gay the focus of what your life with every breath you take.we never exchanged names it was such a quick thing but i hope he is doing allright somewhere,he has no idea how great that 3 minute blowjob was and did for my brain.btw i am still friends with one of the guys i was doing back then and my best friend has been since we were born and still is my best friend and the godfather of my son. (but i cant stand religion)

 

[HiddenMalePassion-]

doorslammer, four words.

HOTT but needs paragraphs.

 

[sixthson]

I received the news in the male.

 

[pausanias_usa]

Had a neighbor and we were fuckbuddies from 9 until our early 20s, when he decided he was straight. Last I heard he was on his third marriage, so who knows? 8') I was 18 and coming off a mushroom trip when I realized "damn, I'm gay and gonna have to deal with this." Still working on it.

Amazing how most of the stories here deal with early years and "playing around." Guess Kinsey's 33% number is not too far off for those males who have at least once fooled around with another guy. . . .

 

[SwitchHit50]

When I was 21 and bottomed for my first time and didn't feel guilty or ashamed.

It still took another 15 years and some therapy though before I could admit it to myself.

 

[Twisly]

it was when i was in my 3rd yr. HS. i had this very good looking classmate, i didn't like him because he is a jerk. then suddenly i started to stare at him without him knowing. sometimes he caught me staring at him and asked my friend if i was gay. my friend told him that am not.

 

[briefs4me]

When I went to junior high I started to check out the guys in the lockerroom. I kind of had an underwear fetish and I wanted to see what the guys were wearing. This was also at the beginnning of the boxer revolution. A lot of guys were sagging and showing their underwear waistbands. Plus the first time I was able to get on the Internet I only looked for gay porn.

 

[nineblondes]

I suppose I'm still not 100% sure I'm gay. Whenever I was watching straight porn, and jerking, I would close my eyes and find myself pretending to be the girl. I don't remember how old I was. But it was at my parents' house so I was under 20. Since then I've only had a couple experiences with guys. One was someone my lesbian friends in college hooked me up with because we were both curious. The other was a surprise knock on my door from an old friend who was staying on my couch for the weekend. He said it was cold and could he stay in my room. We had some fun, but I was nervous and not totally receptive to the whole situation. Still think that might've been one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I think about him every day and haven't seen him since that weekend eight years ago, easy.

Most recently, I was at bachelor party in Vegas. Somebody ordered some strippers (female) up to the room and we all had lapdances. Well, my stripper was really working hard, like she was being paid by the grind or something, when she reaches down between my legs to find me soft as possible and just flat out laughs at me, so.

 

[sixthson]

I suppose I'm still not 100% sure I'm gay. Whenever I was watching straight porn, and jerking, I would close my eyes and find myself pretending to be the girl. I don't remember how old I was. But it was at my parents' house so I was under 20. Since then I've only had a couple experiences with guys. One was someone my lesbian friends in college hooked me up with because we were both curious. The other was a surprise knock on my door from an old friend who was staying on my couch for the weekend. He said it was cold and could he stay in my room. We had some fun, but I was nervous and not totally receptive to the whole situation. Still think that might've been one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I think about him every day and haven't seen him since that weekend eight years ago, easy.

Most recently, I was at bachelor party in Vegas. Somebody ordered some strippers (female) up to the room and we all had lapdances. Well, my stripper was really working hard, like she was being paid by the grind or something, when she reaches down between my legs to find me soft as possible and just flat out laughs at me, so.

You know what, nine? When I read what you have written here, it is tempting to say "so what makes you think you are straight?". However, it sounds like you are uncertain about your sexuality because you have not been in love (at least you have not mentioned it). This does make a big difference. Some guys are just not cut out for the free and easy lifestyle, they need more. They need a relationship. Take your time, get to know people (both male and female), get to know yourself...in the fullness of time, you'll know. For some mysterious reason (at least to me) some people have an easier time knowing who they are than others. As I look back, I am happy for the struggle I had...wouldn't change a thing about it.

 

[Jory]

I think it was on the six o clock news.

 

[probeteam1]

Well, I always knew I liked guys instead of girls. So I guess I found out I was gay about the time I learned what "gay" means.