How we fell out of love with dating apps

[Dargelos]

Please explain how one is to set up a meet without first using the apps/websites to find/connect with someone.



And, let's keep in mind that we are discussing the pros and cons of social media on social media.

You could converse by letters, that's what I did, way back in the day. But then you compromise each others safety by using real names and addresses. So, as you were. Keep using your phone.
I don't class this place as social media, it's better than that surely.

 

[Kahaih]

You could converse by letters, that's what I did, way back in the day. But then you compromise each others safety by using real names and addresses. So, as you were. Keep using your phone.
I don't class this place as social media, it's better than that surely.

Even then, before the letters, you first had to find each other, right? You had to acquire a name and address?



I was lucky, I guess. I've always been attractive enough to get a lot of attention everywhere I go. That's the main reason I stay home. Too much attention, and then, too often, nastiness from those who feel rejected. Maybe I'm being a selfish little cunt, but I think I should be able to go to the store or library without having to fuck everyone there and along the way.

I've never been interested in using the hookup apps or websites. But I don't begrudge anyone who does. Why should I?

 

[rareboy]

I have always had a secret desire to use one but no reason to.

I always loved meeting men in real time, by accident..in bars, restaurants, on planes and trains.

But I bet I would have had a wild time with Grindr when I lived in TO and if I was single.

 

[PalacePaul]

Too much time and energy needed for a little reward
Unless you are a muscle god who only has sex with other muscle gods.

 

[Natello4]

Deleted them all (including accounts) in early fall. It felt draining overall.

 

[metta]

I have always been too chicken to actually use them.

 

[firsttimeagain]

When eHarmony first launched they excluded gays, most likely for religious reasons but also, I assume, out of fear that gay men would turn it into a meat market. They were probably right: gay or straight, boys will be boys.

I am currently a member of eharmony. I am only curious, but have been for so long that I am much more than curious. Actually, I am single now and all I think about is being with a man in a long term relationship. Though a hookup type thing could be intriguing, it’s not for me. Once would never be enough to satisfy, I want more, a deeper connection and relationship only makes sense. So, all of that said, I joined eharmony thinking that men there would be more interested in a committed relationship. So far it’s very shallow and has not been productive at all. There are a few guys, but even with my search set up for male only, there are more females that pop in to view my profile. Zero prospects in 3 months. I’m not looking to come out to the world, I’m only interested in coming out to like minded guys and find someone that wants a monogamous deep friendship and more. It’s a weird place to be, after all these years I now realize what I want and have come to terms with it. I was/am hopeful that eharmony can help me find what I’ve always wanted. So far it’s very frustrating. Am I looking in the wrong place, and if so, where else should I be looking? Not looking for a meat market, but I obviously want the pure sex that I’ve always wanted too. I just want it with the right guy. Any suggestions?

 

[Peloso]

I am currently a member of eharmony. I am only curious, but have been for so long that I am much more than curious. Actually, I am single now and all I think about is being with a man in a long term relationship. Though a hookup type thing could be intriguing, it’s not for me. Once would never be enough to satisfy, I want more, a deeper connection and relationship only makes sense. So, all of that said, I joined eharmony thinking that men there would be more interested in a committed relationship. So far it’s very shallow and has not been productive at all. There are a few guys, but even with my search set up for male only, there are more females that pop in to view my profile. Zero prospects in 3 months. I’m not looking to come out to the world, I’m only interested in coming out to like minded guys and find someone that wants a monogamous deep friendship and more. It’s a weird place to be, after all these years I now realize what I want and have come to terms with it. I was/am hopeful that eharmony can help me find what I’ve always wanted. So far it’s very frustrating. Am I looking in the wrong place, and if so, where else should I be looking? Not looking for a meat market, but I obviously want the pure sex that I’ve always wanted too. I just want it with the right guy. Any suggestions?

I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions as I'm not relationship orientated, but you might want to try a dating app that is more geared towards gay men. Even then, from what I've heard, it's not a magic ticket.

ALso, I'm curious: is eHarmony accepting gay members? Or do closeted guys like to use it? Did you say in your profile that you are curious and state specifically what you are interested in? That might help. A little.

 

[firsttimeagain]

I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions as I'm not relationship orientated, but you might want to try a dating app that is more geared towards gay men. Even then, from what I've heard, it's not a magic ticket.

ALso, I'm curious: is eHarmony accepting gay members? Or do closeted guys like to use it? Did you say in your profile that you are curious and state specifically what you are interested in? That might help. A little.

Yes they are excepting gay members. As I stated, though my profile is set to “ male” exclusively, there is a glitch from time to time and females slip through to view your profile. I’m not cool with that because I do not want females that I might know to see me looking for a gay guy. Yes I stated exactly what I want, but softened my wording a little due to the occasional female traffic. Also, I was probably a little too blunt at first for a dating site. Some of that stuff is better to share with your potential mate during some dating time trying to get to know each other. I have a lot to share but do not want to come on too strong. But, I don’t want to play games either. Lol. Maybe it’s all a fantasy, but if I feel the way I do and I know what I want deeply, then I think there are other guys that have the same feelings and desires. One thing I have learned from being here on JUB is…you find out you are not alone in the way you feel and those desires are shared with others. That’s what used to bother me, as I thought I was alone in my desires. I am more comfortable now that I’ve at least figured that part out. I am more than curious and have always known it, it just took a long time to come to terms with it. I’m probably more gay than bi, though my relationships have always been with females in the past, I’m not going back because it’s time to be with someone that wants the same thing I do. It’s time to enjoy those desires, and a female can not provide or satisfy those desires. Sorry for getting off topic. Lol. I would like to be more comfortable on a dating platform to be more bold. Not sure that is eharmony though. What dating apps are for gay men that are also relationship minded.? Thanks for your feedback …

 

[PalacePaul]

Apparently gay dating is miserable for everyone, even two cute youtubers living in Tokyo

 

[Peloso]

Maybe it’s all a fantasy, but if I feel the way I do and I know what I want deeply, then I think there are other guys that have the same feelings and desires.

There certainly are. I would think that in the last ten years or so with the whole LGBT and non-binary thing sort of exploding that there are probably a lot of guys like you who are asking themselves "Do I really want / need to continue this heterosexual facade?" whereas decades ago they might have suffered in silence.

What dating apps are for gay men that are also relationship minded.?

Hopefully someone will chime in here because I don't know. But since gay dating apps tend to lean toward the meat market side of things, you might try joining some others and continuing to be succinct in what you are looking for (and NOT looking for).

You'd think the advent of the internet would make this sort of thing easy, but it's gotten to big. Too many sites offering the same kind of service narrows your chances on any one site. I used to have a lot of luck with Craigslist personals, but when they took them down, everyone there seems to have scattered all over the web. So use a bunch of apps, but be consistent and most of all careful.

 

[rareboy]

It is almost as though it worked better before the interwebz and people posted 'personal' ads in the newspaper where the lonely hearts could find companions like firsttimeagain is looking for.

I have always said that if you don't go to bars, search out your possible partners in the places you might find them...from cafes to church or choirs.

I ,would say though that I don't hold out much hope for closeted men looking for a long term relationship though.

 

[PalacePaul]

I ,would say though that I don't hold out much hope for closeted men looking for a long term relationship though.

At this point I don't hold out much hope for ANY gay man (young or old, closeted or out) looking for a long term relationship.
People like you (rareboy and a few others) who have decades-long relationships are the exception, not the rule.

 

[rareboy]

At this point I don't hold out much hope for ANY gay man (young or old, closeted or out) looking for a long term relationship.
People like you (rareboy and a few others) who have decades-long relationships are the exception, not the rule.

I met both of my partners in restaurants.

And hooked up early on.

I really believe that if you want to make a real connection, go somewhere and meet people who like the same things as you...and with the opportunity to get to know one another.

I never expected an LTR out of either connection. They just happened.

Don't give up hope...but as I have said to many over the years...you also have to be open to it happening for you. Too often fears and reservations pile up from the outset and people are afraid to risk everything. For better and worse, I did, twice.

 

[suckpoppet]

It is almost as though it worked better before the interwebz and people posted 'personal' ads in the newspaper where the lonely hearts could find companions

The effort to get things done also created more motivation and commitment to see things through. A "don't knock it till you've tried it"-attitude, as it were.
Internet has made us lazy and our expectations have become unrealistic. I used to be a hot little thing but it rarely happened that I said "no".

 

[Stretchmeout88]

They get boring but its nice every now and again. If there picture isn't from years before an dc they look like what there presenting. That's some bs