I am a virgin but does that mean I am really not gay?

[oak999]

As some of you have read I am a confused guy and have been for a while on my sexual preference. Even looked at going to one of those programs to help cure me. But I was talking to another guy online just talking and he said that since I am a virgin with guys I really may not be gay. I have had sex with girls and I have had oral with a guy before. For me its confusion on what is right and what is wrong for me. Am I gay am I not? Is this something I can change or is it not? More importantly I have not gotton with a guy because of all the Stds that are out there. I didnt sleep around with chicks either I had a steady girlfriend. Thats a BIG reason why I have not got with a guy in that way STDs through hookups. I tried explaining to him I think I know what I like. I like guys not girls. Chicks do not do it for me when I am hot. But he said it could just be lust in which case I could have sex with a guy and not enjoy it at all. I dont know does he have a point? I think I know what I like I like guys but since I have never had "sex" with a guy am I really gay?

 

[nihilis]

But I was talking to another guy online just talking and he said that since I am a virgin with guys I really may not be gay.

I'm a virgin in all senses and I know I'm gay. There has been no sex to determine it, I just know. It's not just about sex, it's also about emotional attraction and comfort. I know I want a guy, I love them, I love touching them, being around them, talking to them, etc. Plus, my dick gets hard looking at naked guys and does nothing when naked women are in front of me. I assure you, you could never have sex with a guy for your whole life and still be gay. You could screw half the women in the world and still be gay (or bi). A lot of people think it's just about the sex, and that's why some spend their lives trying to be "normal"; but it always comes out in the wash, even if it's years later and they're married with kids.

You're in a good position though, you're young, single, and able to explore your feelings. I'd take the time to do that, there's really no major rush and you don't have to stick labels over yourself. When you find someone to love, you'll know. Then you can deal with your sexual identity.

 

[G-Lexington]

If someone held a gun to someone's head and made him have sex with guys, would that make him gay?

Being gay means you're attracted to guys. That's it. Being gay is who you are, not who you do. Could it be "just lust"? Well, yeah, but that's just it - who you lust after is precisely what determines whether you're straight or gay. Straight guys, in a general way of speaking, don't lust after guys - if they did, they wouldn't be straight.

This is the second post I've read from you seeming looking for "a way out" from being gay - first the "ex-gay" one, then this. It seems you really are uncomfortable about even the idea of you being gay. So I'd like to suggest something - try it out. Not outwardly, but inwardly. Try just going with the flow. Say "I'm gay, I like guys" to yourself on a regular basis. When you look at gay porn, or think about guys while jerking off, embrace it. Don't "wonder what it all means". Just move your mindset to "looking at these guys, and thinking about having sex with these guys really turns me on." Try being gay, if only to yourself, for awhile. There really isn't anything to fear.

Lex

 

[comfortable]

Is a straight guy not really straight until he has sex? I mean - if you'd rather have sex with a guy than a girl, and if you don't find yourself attracted to women - then you're gay - sex or no sex.

 

[grady26]

When asked by a guy if he is gay, I always ask a couple of quetions.

First, does your penis respond when seeing a nude dude. That could anwer your question.

Second, do you have any fantasies about guys when masterbating.

If yes to both questions, I think you brain, which is, afterall, the largest sex organ is saying your were wired for guys when you were born.

And there is no fault in the wiring.

 

[TomahawkEagle]

Hooking up with girls is just as dangerous as hooking up with guys. There's no difference in the STDs that you could catch if you don't play it safe.

Also I'm still a virgin yet I'm almost 100% sure that I'm fully into guys though sometimes I do have feelings for chicks too.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Oak,

Mate, I do remember your other thread... and I want you too know something extremely important. Whether or not you are gay or bi or str8 is unimportant... that you are happy with who you are whatever that may be is the key.

Mate... chances are you are at least bi...most likely gay. The simplest test is simply this. When you lie in bed, quietly fantasizing, who do you think about? Who turns you on? Who do you desire to be with? Simply mate your body and your mind will tell you... if you let it. Whether or not you have actually been with a guy means nothing mate... in fact there are plenty of guys who still struggle after they have their first encounters... but nothing changes who you are... and who you love.

The key for you is to accept it - whatever it is. Theres no right or wrong answer mate... theres only your answer. Its an answer that will allow you to complete your journey. It will help you understand yourself better. And its an answer that will end those nagging doubts.

But you dont have to rush this, dont force it but most of all Oak, dont panic about it. It wont worry anyone here if you accept in 12 months that you are bi not gay, just as it wouldnt worry us if you decided tomorrow.

Remember mate... you dont need to have a label or tag, you dont need to fit into one group or another... you just need to be you. Thats all it will ever take for you to be truly happy.

 

[rareboy]

A. Yes you're likely gay. You're just running from it. Gay is about more than where you put your penis.

B. You seem to be fearful of gay sex, or any sex, because of STD's. Just be careful and if you get one, get treated.

C. If you are so anxious about being gay that you think it is something you need to be cured of, you need to work on this negative self image and response to societal pressure first.

I suggest finding a gay friendly counsellor to help you with this.

 

[KaraBulut]

Oak:

What does "gay" mean to you? Why would this be something you would or would not want to be?

 

[hphbp1821]

sounds to me like you're bi...nothing wrong with that.... we can't control who we're attracted to... i'm definitely gay, but i've had sex with girls and enjoyed it.... life would be easier for all of us if we could control whom we get a boner for, but unfortunately that's not the case... as for the STDs, straight people get 'em too, we all just have to be safe

 

[spreadeagle]

If chicks don't do it for you and guys do then you are homosexual.

You cannot change your sexual orientation.

Yes, heterosexuals transmit STD's as readily as homosexuals.

Girls get pregnant.

Do not confuse virginity and celibacy - if you masturbate you're not a virgin nor are you celibate.

The best indicator of homosexuality is not if you would fuck or be fucked by another man, but if you would kiss him.

 

[LateNite85]

I'm a virgin. Never even kissed a guy before. I'm still deathly afraid of anal sex...but it doesn't change that I'm gay. It's not so bad once you accept it.

 

[jasonlee533]

Your not alone. I've been asked this very question several times. Whenever I mentioned about i'm being virgin, the response was mostly how do I know that when I havent selpt with man yet. This wasn't from just one gay guy. It was from several. I'm starting to wonder if there is any gay turn out to be straight after having sex.