I Am Going To Be A Daddy...

[BiAndSingle]

Hi Guys... Back in December i ended up getting this girl pregnant (we are friends and it wasnt someone i didnt know), i was very drunk and do not even remember it happening... She told me in the middle of January about being pregnant and me being the father, she said she was getting an abortion which we argued about because i dont really like the idea of abortion. Well, it was an argument which i couldnt have won so she went ahead and got the abortion... I hear you ask how im going to be a daddy then. Well i moved away from where i used to live and am now living back with my dad, it was explained why i moved in my other thread: http://justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=140506

Anyway i got a call yesterday from the girl saying that she misses me and she doesnt know how WE are going to cope without you... i responded who is we, and she replied with you are going to hate me for not telling you the truth. Obviously she told me that she didnt have the abortion and that she now wants to keep the baby. Of course i was happy and shocked by this and i am now in a bit of a situation... I know i should move back and support her and the baby but part of me is saying, you moved back here to start again and get away from all the bad memories so stay... I could not live with myself if i stayed so i am booking a ticket for the next flight back. I just have to deal with the fact that the guy i still have feelings for is back there aswell and alot of my friends are not speaking to me because i took off without a reason.

As always any advice or anything is greatly accepted... Thanks Guys

 

[rotary]

Have a paternity test done before making any decisions.

 

[BiAndSingle]

Advice? Have a paternity test done before making any decisions.

I trust her... She was a virgin up till that night... I know she wouldnt say something like that to me unless she was 100% sure... So i am definetly the father.

Oh.. and she really likes me alot, i just dont have those same feelings for her yet... maybe over time i will develop those kind of feelings though.

 

[rotary]

I trust her... She was a virgin up till that night... I know she wouldnt say something like that to me unless she was 100% sure... So i am definetly the father.

Oh.. and she really likes me alot, i just dont have those same feelings for her yet... maybe over time i will develop those kind of feelings though.

For one, you have no memory of having sex with her. Two, she lied to you about the abortion, which opens up the possibility of her not being completely honest with events preceding.

I suggest you have the test before spending the next X number of years raising a child, no matter how much you think you can trust her. She's already lied to you once.

 

[hothead]

It's great that you trust her, but verify that the baby's yours before you make a commitment to her and to the child. I wish you well.

 

[BiAndSingle]

For one, you have no memory of having sex with her. Two, she lied to you about the abortion, which opens up the possibility of her not being completely honest with events preceding.

I suggest you have the test before spending the next 18 years of your life raising a child, no matter how much you think you can trust her. She's already lied to you once.

I suppose you are right there... Thanks mate.

I do understand her though for saying she had the abortion, she comes from quite a strict family and when they find out that shes pregnant shes in big trouble and i guess i will be aswell. Either way i still believe her when she says that the baby is mine but i will have the test to be fully sure.

Just to add she is due in September...

 

[Spiff]

Since you are accepting that you are the father, this should be a no-brainer.

Which would you rather cope with? Living in guilt the rest of your life for being a deadbeat father? Or being married to a girl but having desires for men?

You could tell her you are "bisexual" (if she doesn't already know) and see if she still would be willing to marry you. If not, that could get you off the hook for marriage. Not for child support though. Sorry if I sound a bit harsh, but being the child of a deadbeat father myself, this type of topic does easily strike a nerve with me.

 

[rotary]

i will have the test to be fully sure.

Good decision

 

[BiAndSingle]

Call me stupid if you want... But when am i able to have the paternity test done?

 

[BiAndSingle]

Since you are accepting that you are the father, this should be a no-brainer.

Which would you rather cope with? Living in guilt the rest of your life for being a deadbeat father? Or being married to a girl but having desires for men?

You could tell her you are "bisexual" (if she doesn't already know) and see if she still would be willing to marry you. If not, that could get you off the hook for marriage. Not for child support though. Sorry if I sound a bit harsh, but being the child of a deadbeat father myself, this type of topic does easily strike a nerve with me.

I am not willing to get married this young... But i will be there for her and the baby no matter what happens, even if i am the father or not because she is a good friend.

I will move in with her and live with her, but i cannot get married... Thats just the way i feel.

 

[nakedboy]

Call me stupid if you want... But when am i able to have the paternity test done?

I don't want to say you're stupid, however, I'm losing IQ points just reading your thread.

 

[rotary]

Call me stupid if you want... But when am i able to have the paternity test done?

If she became pregnant in December you can probably have the test done this month, after the 9th or 10th week. It's called CVS. Or you can wait a bit longer for amniocentesis. I don't know the risks of doing these though, so that's something you'll need to look into.[FONT=verdana,arial,sans-serif]
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[Un_Golfo]

Hey, Bi, you need to be cautious... This situation that you are entering now can have consequences for long years in your life, so be careful at each decission. I am with the majority, you should ask a doctor about how to do the paternity test. Then, you'll have to talk to her with lots of diplomacy, because she may get angry when you comment the idea of the paternity test. You have to be strong and state that you need to be sure.

And tell her that you are bi and you can't commit for marriage because your feelings about her are different now. Don't become a husband for the child, there is no need for that in XXI century.

As I see for your last posts, your life seems a rollercoaster in the last weeks. Just stay cool, think things twice and don't hesitate to ask for advice here or to other friends. And regarding the other post, that confused guy and all your friends from the area are somethng you'll have to deal with. Your friends may be easy to be convinced to accept you back if you just explain them a bit; for the guy, I have no answers.

 

[star-warrior]

Seems like you got a whole lot of people messing you around Bi. The Paternity test is the best thing. You're in UK right? Phone up NHS direct and ask for advice there. They ought to be able to help you, or direct you to somewhere that might.

 

[BiAndSingle]

I don't want to say you're stupid, however, I'm losing IQ points just reading your thread.

Well stop reading it then
And what is exactly wrong with this thread... i have told you that i have gotten a girl pregnant, she said she had the abortion which she hadnt, a paternity test has been suggested to prove i am the father and i have agreed to have the paternity test.
I have asked for your suggestions, not to criticise what state my head is in at the moment...
Its not everyday that you get a call at night getting told that you are going to be a dad to a baby that you thought no longer existed.

 

[BiAndSingle]

Seems like you got a whole lot of people messing you around Bi. The Paternity test is the best thing. You're in UK right? Phone up NHS direct and ask for advice there. They ought to be able to help you, or direct you to somewhere that might.

Yes i am in the UK... I will probably call them up when i get back to staying with my mum again.
Thanks for the suggestion

 

[tmb1]

Awe! Another wonderful story of someone immature enough to not remember having sex because of drunkeness, now going to parent a child. Why not call Jerry or Maury and they will do the test for free and even bring the guy you are interested in onto the show. Now that would be great tv.

 

[Candyapple]

There are some really horrible comments in this thread! Yes, sometimes people have drunken sex. Sometimes it results in pregnancy. That's not necessarily immature, that's life! And the 'losing IQ points' post was pretty unkind.

BiandSingle, I respect you for wanting to do the best you can for this girl and your child (I'm assuming it IS your child, though getting a paternity test isn't at all a bad idea...but good luck with bringing it up with her! ) I don't have any other advice for you at the moment, but I do wish you all the very best with this difficult situation. Seems to me you're handling it very well considering what a shock it must have been for you, so just ignore the nay-sayers!

 

[nakedboy]

Candyapple: On the "IQ points"? You have no idea how kind I was being !!!

 

[BiAndSingle]

Awe! Another wonderful story of someone immature enough to not remember having sex because of drunkeness, now going to parent a child. Why not call Jerry or Maury and they will do the test for free and even bring the guy you are interested in onto the show. Now that would be great tv.

Yeh, i was drunk but who are you to call someone immature, you dont even know me... I never ever really drink, and if i am drinking its socially. Unfortunately that night i was incredibly depressed and thought i would go to the house party i had been invited to to get my mind off things, and then of course to feel better i started drinking... At least i was mature enough to use protection which i must say isnt that great!