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I am going to married

J

JackFTwist

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I can't be a liar and hypocrite to myself and support this in any way.

You raisd the issue for comment, otherwsie it is none of my business, but you raised the issue.

You don't love her.
You are gay and will be violating all the promises of marriage by having sex with people who are not your wife.
You are entering marriage with someone you do not love intending to not be faithful.

This is wrong on every level.

What you need to access is some integrity to yourself and to this poor woman who you deceiving and using.

Don't do it.
 
I can't imagine getting yourself into such a mess when you have the power to avoid it. What are you hoping to accomplish by marrying this poor girl??? Have you told her of your " problem"? You will be totally miserable in that marrage as will she. You will also discrace yourself. If you care about her at all you should level with her immediately. There is nothing wrong with being gay. What is wrong is pretending not to be at someone else's expense as well as your own.
 
coincidentally, i just came back from watching a movie. this guy was about to marry a gal and his old friend from high school hug him infront of the bride and ask him "are you sure you really want to go through this? do you not feel at all that day? (referring to the day that he hug him when they were in high school)

the ending of the movie was poignant... but thats not what we are talking abt rite?

anyway, i wish you all the best. i believe people get married because of different reason... congrats my friend.
 
Oh dear. You don't love her. That will make things very difficult. As a bi man who is married, and faithful and love the person I'm with, I can't condone it.

Marriage without love is like prison without hope. Don't make your soon to come partner a prisoner of misery because you can't face up to what you are. Better to call everything off right now.

Marriage is about two people, and under the law, you take on serious responsibilities too. If the marriage ends up in break-up, she will be entitled to a proportion of your worldy possessions - house, car, bank account, etc.. If she feels particularly aggrieved then she may out of spite ruin your life too. Beware the woman scorned. Marriage is about the bedroom too.
 
i am curious as to what is compelling you to engage in a commitment (life long, I might add), when you've expressed all the reasons NOT to do just that?!

I'm presuming there IS external pressure that is leading you to this decision.

Just takin a guess here, but are you in a religious dominated culture/country?

Does your future wife have any idea/notion about your attraction for men; and, subsequently, making provisions for an "open" arrangement possible???

kinda baffled by your plans--as it is stated.

:confused:
 
hollister, this isn't about the joys of sex, it is about a fradulent marriage based on a lie with no intention of fulfilling the vows made
 
Not gonna blast you, hollisterdude; because as a Bi guy--I'm in agreement that it does feel better. But that's because we are BI, not GAY.

That is a tremendous difference that cannot be overlooked, I might add.

The Original Poster is gay--which would have me believe that he is NOT into women, sexually at all.

If he was Bi, and considering marriage; it'd still be tough, but not as challenging/problematic in my view as being completely into men.

Being gay AND marrying the OPPOSITE sex (that doesn't do anything for you AT ALL sexually) seems to be a questionable decision, at best.

That's a primary reason why so many are perplexed by the OP thought process.
 
If someone is totally GAY then I think they should not marry the opposite sex.
 
This thread is too ridiculous for me even to post anything substantial.
 
juicyflower:
I am coming to terms with my own sexuality in my own way. Like you, I insisted that it was a problem for a very long time. I'm just now beginning to realize that it isn't a problem...and I'm not evil, tainted or a bad person in anyway. Being gay is just who I am...and I've accepted that. And it's certainly not an issue of "accessibility."

Part of the reason why I started to come out was because I realized one day that I could never marry a woman and pretend to love her just to please everyone else. What kind of life is that? And I certainly can't stay single forever. Hell, I'm lonely as ever and I'm only 21 years old. I started coming out because one day I want the love of a man who can make me happy.

juicyflower, I know you want similar things in life...but don't turn your entire life into a lie to please others. The very people who may not approve of your homosexuality are not living their lives for you, so don't live your life for them.

A friend of mine watched her family unravel when her father, who was married to her mother for 20 years, suddenly asked his wife for a divorce. He finally decided to come out and tell his family (after all those years) that he was gay. His entire family was devastated...not because he was gay...but because he decided to marry a woman and raise a family knowing that he didn't want those things in life. Please don't become this man.

I wish you best of luck in finding out what you want out of life and in making yourself happy...but I cannot wish you luck in marrying someone you don't love.
 
I don't know what the situation is wherever it is that you live, so I can't really judge.

I think it would be despicable for anyone in my country to adopt your attitute. The girl deserves to be married to someone who can love her as you deserve to be married to someone that you can love.
 
I have been there! I was amrried for 21 years. PLEASE think about this! Do not take it lightly. I do belive part of the marrage vows include LOVE, and HONOR. If you do not love her, then there is no way you can honor the marrage vows.
 
I feel very sorry for your "friend". [-X
 
Is this thread for real? Juicyflower, please get counselling help. If, as you are suggesting, you actually marry a woman without loving her, there is no greater shame or injustice you could inflict upon her.
 
I hope you give some serious thought to what others have said here. I have a feeling you live in a culture where being gay is completely unacceptable. Is this an "arranged" marriage? Do you really think getting married will change your feelings at all?

Even if you follow through with this, I think you need to be upfront with this girl before any more time passes. She deserves to know what lies ahead in her life and if possible, change her mind.
 
You do realize that you're using your friend right? If she's really your friend, how can you do this to her? I love my friends and I consider them extensions of my family. I could never bring myself to treat them with such blatant disregard. You're using her like a prop.

You feel that not being heterosexual is a handicap. Well, that's fine...you're entitled to your own opinion. But let's take this analogy a bit further, shall we? There is something called Asexuality, which means you have NO accessibility to sexual feelings at all. So, as an asexual, you're not sexually attracted to males or females. Asexuality can be better compared to having no legs or no eyes. Homosexuality means that you're sexually attracted to men and not women...so you HAVE the accessibility to sexuality. This is the better comparison for homosexuality: You have brown eyes, but you want blue ones...so you decide to remove your functionning brown eyes and replace them with 2 blue Glass eyes. You're blind, but at least you have 2 blue eyes now. When you marry your friend, you're taking out your 2 working brown eyes and replacing them with fake blue glass eyes.
 
I hope this story is fake because you're committing social & psychological suicide here.
 
I think it is deplorable what you are doing. Another human being is not a toy or something to be played with. Have you no morals??? Think what you are doing to that girl. I know that this is a no flame zone, however your post is just wrong for so many reasons. I think it should be removed from this forum. Shame on you!!!!
 
Hey Guys

While I completely disagree with 8tomtoms8's actions I'm not about to remove this thread, however I respectfully ask you all to hold off on the name calling

Thanks
 
Juicyflower,

This is gonna be harsh...

Fear is probably the most powerful emotion we know. It compels us to do things that we couldnt contemplate at any other time. But shame and guilt are also powerful feelings. And while I'm sure all three are controlling your life right now you need to think about the future.

Think about the pain, the shame and guilt you bring upon your wife...someone who loves you, trusts you and believes in you. Think about the pain and shame you may bring on your children and family.

This is a time for you to think about others...not yourself. While I understand your emotions being out of control...you are being extremely selfish and hurtful.

Its time to think about the other people in your life and whether or not you want to spend the rest of yours hurting and lying to those around you.
 
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