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I am so over DL guys.

T

tbtmo02

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I am a young guy who doesn't interact with gay guys on a daily face to face basis. So, I occasionally have to turn to the internet ( craigslist) for a little interaction ( sex).

One of like every couple replies is from a DL guy. Everything goes well until I ask for a face picture. That is where the whole DL comes into play. They without a doubt say, " Oh I am DL I don't do face pics". Living life as DL guy must be exhausting. How paranoid do you have to be thinking everyone is out to get you. It is a simple face picture. It not like I am just waiting to expose you to the world. I couldn't give less of a fuck about your situation. I just want to know who I am talking to. Is that so much to ask.

To all the DL guys out there who play that game. We don't care about your situation. I just want to see your face. I might be there for a hookup but I still have to take necessary precautions and make sure you are cute too.

If you made it to the end of this, thanks for reading, I needed to vent.

Ultimately, I decided that from here on out I will not even bother communicating with a DL guy or ever date one.
 
I totally agree with you! They are just too much work with regards to their insecurities!
 
I've had this exact same problem before. If it's not this, it's straight men just looking for an effeminate male. Even if I put in an ad an exact description and a picture, I still get those types of men. It's annoying.

The way I see it, if you provide a body+face picture, you should definitely get the same in return. I can kind of understand the guy's point, but it sounds to me like you showed yourself which means you somewhat trust the guy. Why shouldn't he return the favor?
 
hi 'young wild free',

Good you have posted your rant. Great that you are open and out and don't bother what other people think about you.

"Living life as DL guy must be exhausting. How paranoid do you have to be thinking everyone is out to get you." is a good way to describe the life of such guys. They are living with a ly, and they are always fearing that someone will find out the truth.

Such guys must even be careful when spending time with you (or when he is visiting you), as people might start gossiping why he is visiting you (= an open gay guy).

So you are totally right that you first want to see his face before you decide you want to meet him in real life. So its not your problem, but its his problem. I hope you soon will get a nice boyfriend, as then many problems will be solved.

Good luck with finding a nice boyfriend.
 
My frustrations are that I am extremely secure with my sexuality and I feel sorry for people who aren't there yet.

Good luck with finding a nice boyfriend. I am not looking for a boyfriend I am just trying to find someone to sleep without an issue.
 
Finding a good fuckbuddy is more about temperament than being out. Plenty of very out and proud gay men can't do the casual sex thing very well.

Frankly I found the closet guys were pretty much NSA don't call me hookup kinda guys. Aside from the whole shame and fear problems associated with them.

I would NEVER date a closet case - just wouldn't. But I MIGHT be tempted to pound out some frustration on one.

Back here in reality - I'm not around closet guys a whole lot. I don't do the internet hookup - like you I prefer to know what I'm dealing with going in, and there's nothing like meeting them physically for that; so I don't really have this problem. But I can sympathize.

My advice would be to get out of your house and off your computer, there's plenty of ass to be found out there if you go looking for it. Closet cases self select themselves out, and you know what you've got before you show him your cock.
 
TX-Beau said:
Finding a good fuckbuddy is more about temperament than being out. Plenty of very out and proud gay men can't do the casual sex thing very well.

Frankly I found the closet guys were pretty much NSA don't call me hookup kinda guys. Aside from the whole shame and fear problems associated with them.

I would NEVER date a closet case - just wouldn't. But I MIGHT be tempted to pound out some frustration on one.

Back here in reality - I'm not around closet guys a whole lot. I don't do the internet hookup - like you I prefer to know what I'm dealing with going in, and there's nothing like meeting them physically for that; so I don't really have this problem. But I can sympathize.

My advice would be to get out of your house and off your computer, there's plenty of ass to be found out there if you go looking for it. Closet cases self select themselves out, and you know what you've got before you show him your cock.
Click to expand...

Where do you find them ?
 
If all you ever get is tiresome chit chat, maybe the problem isn't them. If a guy is tiresome, I go talk to another one.
 
I'm going to say something that you may not appreciate. I am gay. And I'm married. I came out to my wife a few months ago and I wish I never had. We are in the process of getting a divorce. When we got married, it wasn't acceptable to be gay. I was stupid and figured that as soon as we started having sex, all my problems would go away. I admit I was dumb.

A lot of gay guys have NO idea how much pressure "DL" guys are under. Everyone makes it sound SO simple. "just come out and everything will be alright." Well guess what? It's not. Three times this week, my kid sobbed in my arms for over an hour. She is hurting so bad from the pain of the divorce, she's throwing up from the stress. Meanwhile ALL of my "friends" have stopped returning my phone calls. My best friend of 20 years who I've talked to almost daily for at least the last 15 has told me to never call her again. Meanwhile, the gay people I know don't really talk to me either, because they view me as having baggage (I do), or too much work because I'm not fully out yet. I feel an incredible amount of guilt and pain, because I view it as my fault.

Meanwhile, I would LOVE for someone just to touch me. To give me a hug, or tell me it's going to be all right. Or even to acknowledge my worth as a human being. Next time you talk to someone on the DL, try to understand, they're walking a fine line. And it's hard as hell.
 
See the problem is i don't care about all your "baggage". I just want to see a face pic. That is what my entire rant was about. I actually tried to talk to a dl guy once and offer advice and he was a complete dick to me. So there that.
 
i dont get 90% of this thread.
did all of you guys come out the second you figured out you were gay/bi?

i have a great fuckbuddy, whos also pretty chill outside of sex, who is dl. no problems whatsoever.
and he actually sent a face pic with his first message to me.

though some are in total denial, and depression (i had one guy who would text me nonstop for weeks, then when i agreed to go to the movies with him got me to jerk him off. he came in under 60sec, and then tried telling me he wasnt really into it. didnt press the issue, but made it clear i wasnt buying it).
but IME less that 10% are like that.
 
PABear said:
I'm going to say something that you may not appreciate. I am gay. And I'm married. I came out to my wife a few months ago and I wish I never had. We are in the process of getting a divorce. When we got married, it wasn't acceptable to be gay. I was stupid and figured that as soon as we started having sex, all my problems would go away. I admit I was dumb.

A lot of gay guys have NO idea how much pressure "DL" guys are under. Everyone makes it sound SO simple. "just come out and everything will be alright." Well guess what? It's not. Three times this week, my kid sobbed in my arms for over an hour. She is hurting so bad from the pain of the divorce, she's throwing up from the stress. Meanwhile ALL of my "friends" have stopped returning my phone calls. My best friend of 20 years who I've talked to almost daily for at least the last 15 has told me to never call her again. Meanwhile, the gay people I know don't really talk to me either, because they view me as having baggage (I do), or too much work because I'm not fully out yet. I feel an incredible amount of guilt and pain, because I view it as my fault.

Meanwhile, I would LOVE for someone just to touch me. To give me a hug, or tell me it's going to be all right. Or even to acknowledge my worth as a human being. Next time you talk to someone on the DL, try to understand, they're walking a fine line. And it's hard as hell.
Click to expand...

Are you hot ?
Most people don't care about that kind of baggage. They care about hot or not for a hookup ...
 
PABear said:
I'm going to say something that you may not appreciate. I am gay. And I'm married. I came out to my wife a few months ago and I wish I never had. We are in the process of getting a divorce. When we got married, it wasn't acceptable to be gay. I was stupid and figured that as soon as we started having sex, all my problems would go away. I admit I was dumb.

A lot of gay guys have NO idea how much pressure "DL" guys are under. Everyone makes it sound SO simple. "just come out and everything will be alright." Well guess what? It's not. Three times this week, my kid sobbed in my arms for over an hour. She is hurting so bad from the pain of the divorce, she's throwing up from the stress. Meanwhile ALL of my "friends" have stopped returning my phone calls. My best friend of 20 years who I've talked to almost daily for at least the last 15 has told me to never call her again. Meanwhile, the gay people I know don't really talk to me either, because they view me as having baggage (I do), or too much work because I'm not fully out yet. I feel an incredible amount of guilt and pain, because I view it as my fault.

Meanwhile, I would LOVE for someone just to touch me. To give me a hug, or tell me it's going to be all right. Or even to acknowledge my worth as a human being. Next time you talk to someone on the DL, try to understand, they're walking a fine line. And it's hard as hell.
Click to expand...

No offense, but you have baggage and problems because you made a ginormous mistake and then lived with it for years (I assume, since you have a kid old enough to understand the situation). Your friends shunning you isn't an indication of how bad it is to come out, but of a poor choice of friends AND of how people respond when they learn they've been lied to for so long. Ultimately, it's not being gay that's at fault here, it's being dishonest. Unless you married somewhere in the 19th century, there has been no time in your lifetime when it was impossible for a gay man to stay single. And you also admit it was a mistake. So while my heart goes out to you for having to suffer through this, at the same time I really don't buy this as some justification to stay closeted. It's staying closeted that made us so easy to trod on for so long, and although it might still be hard for many people to be out, the overwhelming attitude in the US is NOT one of intolerance anymore.
 
njcollegekid said:
i dont get 90% of this thread.
did all of you guys come out the second you figured out you were gay/bi?

i have a great fuckbuddy, whos also pretty chill outside of sex, who is dl. no problems whatsoever.
and he actually sent a face pic with his first message to me.

though some are in total denial, and depression (i had one guy who would text me nonstop for weeks, then when i agreed to go to the movies with him got me to jerk him off. he came in under 60sec, and then tried telling me he wasnt really into it. didnt press the issue, but made it clear i wasnt buying it).
but IME less that 10% are like that.
Click to expand...

No, but for myself, I can say I never did anything while in denial/the closet. I never skulked in secret, trying to get my rocks off while hiding who I was and lying to people around me.

Being DL and trolling for sex is pathetic, and I feel no guilt saying that. It's 2013. Get with the program and grow some balls, is my advice to all the super "chill", "masc" "bros" out there.
 
Rolyo85 said:
No offense, but you have baggage and problems because you made a ginormous mistake and then lived with it for years (I assume, since you have a kid old enough to understand the situation). Your friends shunning you isn't an indication of how bad it is to come out, but of a poor choice of friends AND of how people respond when they learn they've been lied to for so long. Ultimately, it's not being gay that's at fault here, it's being dishonest. Unless you married somewhere in the 19th century, there has been no time in your lifetime when it was impossible for a gay man to stay single. And you also admit it was a mistake. So while my heart goes out to you for having to suffer through this, at the same time I really don't buy this as some justification to stay closeted. It's staying closeted that made us so easy to trod on for so long, and although it might still be hard for many people to be out, the overwhelming attitude in the US is NOT one of intolerance anymore.
Click to expand...

umm but he did say he came out.
So nothing to complain about really.
 
PABear said:
I'm going to say something that you may not appreciate. I am gay. And I'm married. I came out to my wife a few months ago and I wish I never had. We are in the process of getting a divorce. When we got married, it wasn't acceptable to be gay. I was stupid and figured that as soon as we started having sex, all my problems would go away. I admit I was dumb.

A lot of gay guys have NO idea how much pressure "DL" guys are under. Everyone makes it sound SO simple. "just come out and everything will be alright." Well guess what? It's not. Three times this week, my kid sobbed in my arms for over an hour. She is hurting so bad from the pain of the divorce, she's throwing up from the stress. Meanwhile ALL of my "friends" have stopped returning my phone calls. My best friend of 20 years who I've talked to almost daily for at least the last 15 has told me to never call her again. Meanwhile, the gay people I know don't really talk to me either, because they view me as having baggage (I do), or too much work because I'm not fully out yet. I feel an incredible amount of guilt and pain, because I view it as my fault.

Meanwhile, I would LOVE for someone just to touch me. To give me a hug, or tell me it's going to be all right. Or even to acknowledge my worth as a human being. Next time you talk to someone on the DL, try to understand, they're walking a fine line. And it's hard as hell.
Click to expand...

Sugar, the great majority of us were "DL" guys at some point and know exactly what that was like. Your story is not in any way unique. You might want to consider that we know what we're taking about.

You also might want to consider that we might have something of use to say to you. All you have to do is ask.
 
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