I am so tired of being the back burner bitch

[Lewis1]

I am so sick so...so... so... tired of people wanting to talk to me or associate with me only when their friends arent around.

I know I must be doing something to attract this type of reaction but it's getting on my nerves and it takes a shot at my self esteem (at times).

Then when I try to distance myself from that person they try to make it seem like i have been dissin'(ignoring) them and acting stuck up. BUT, dont i have a right to not sit there and accept the crumbs of attention you choose to throw at me when your feeling lonely?

If you say were cool (friends). Then I expect an equal share of inclusion in your friends circle.

In high school I was always the 3rd wheel when Met 2 people who were friends.
Again, I know that i have to take into consideration that their other friends may share more common interests or history but if you always exclude me i will never get to build a histroy or whatever with you and your other friends

ugh well I need some advice on how to stop this
Its preety much the story of my life


Sideline: I love posting here, This is the only place I feel i can get real answers.
Love the Jubers

 

[Lewis1]

}

Well Lewis, only you can tell if you are really the guy your so-called friends look for when their friends are not around. If the situation is just as you describe it, then, my suggestion would be to look for new friends, as those are not really youre friends, they are more like acquantainces.

Your real friends, will always think of you and include you; however, remember that friendship is a two-way street, so if you find yourself being the one giving, and not really receiving, then again, look for better friends.

One more thing. Are you sure you're not imagining things? I'm just saying this because sometimes we may feel slighted or take offense at something that was not even intended to offend us, and it's all in our heads. I know people that imagine all kinds of situations regarding other people, and it's not really happening.

NO I IAM NOT IMAGINING THINGS IAM THE ONE ALWAYS GIVING THE BENFIT OF THE DOUBT

I have learned that they arent real friends but they will (breifly) treat me like a friend when it tickles their fancy. I am usually the one who has to Call, send messege on myspace or IM to interact with them or find a time where their other friends arent around to associate with them. I also tend to give ppul something (when i want to be friends with someone) but that doesnt work either you cant buy friends.

But the problem was, this happens all the time there has only been one time where its a 2 way street (hi kelly) . am i just that boring or do i need to be more aggresive i dunno

but iam kinda at the point where i have given up but ppul who dont the know the situation think i have a stick up my ass lol but thats not it i just dont want to get my hopes up about having a firend

so its whatever

thanks for responding

 

[Lewis1]

I agree with Ankh...

If you truly feel that these "acquaintances" of yours aren't giving you what you are trying to give them in terms of getting to know them, hanging out, and advancing your friendship...then you should indeed find new friends.

I've known some people like you describe in my day- and I haven't let them go, but I have put them on the "acquaintance" list. I don't consider them friends. We stay in touch and hang out every blue moon- but nothing more.

i c i am cool with that but its like that with everybody lol (for me)

 

[Lewis1]

I also have a very hard time finding people who are friend material. I feel like I'm surrounded by or meet these shallow and superficial people. No matter how much I try to go out of my way for these so called friends, I never get that equal return. It's really frustrating that you try to be nice to people and compromise for them, but never find decent ones.

preach I ve preety much given up on the whole thing but once in a while I want some real friends Its fustrating

but i know what u mean

 

[Lewis1]

lol that's exactly what I'm talking about. There are guys that if I don't contact them they will not remember me until something is up. I tried playing their game and not call them as well. But this just happens so often.

i knew i wasnt alone


fuck em

 

[Lewis1]

I don't know but I think it has to do with our culture or something, because I never have these problems when I meet people in other countries. I have some guys who still keep in touch with me after I've met them on vacation a while ago, and foreigners are nice and less likely to be shallow.

really? thats cool (and wierd for our country)
yeah sometimes foreigners seem preety friendly and open
and with out the chip on the shoulder ( there are some exceptions though)
i remember in high lol just about everyone was shallow on some level lol geez

 

[Lalada]

Wow, I find myself in almost the exact same situation.

As an alternative, if you provided them subtly or not that you are more than just a mere... whatever, then they might feel more inclined to include you, knowin there's more to you than meets the eye.

 

[rareboy]

Just remember guys, that real friends, are few and hard to come by. The people I can count as my friends, in all the meaning of the word, I can count with the fingers of one hand.

I'm talking about real friends.

But if your acquaintances don't even give you the time of day (unless they need something), ditch them, find better ones.

Ankh nailed this one down so perfectly.

There is a world of difference between being friendly and being friends.

At the age of about 20, I took a good hard look at my circle of acquaintances and culled the herd. I became a lot more discerning about what I wanted and wanted to give in a friendship and a lot more relaxed about just spending casual time with people without needing them to become my best bosom buddies.