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I am very unsure

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freehand

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Basically I was touched inappropriately by a male family member when I was around 12 years old. Then when I went to school I was bullied my whole time there.

When I was in year 9 around the age of 13 I started to stroke the other guys in my classes leg with my own leg and a pen. They would move their leg away but every class I would do it. It got to the point where they would move chairs.

I felt like I had to please them. But it never got further than that. I know it sounds really weird but I started to act like this.

Now I am 21 but I still think back to that time I wonder how I came across. What do you guys think?
 
I would just advise you to speak with a professional about his, you need someone who can help you sort it out, good luck.
 
^? You were sexualized by being sexually abused and would benefit from counseling. You will learn that your inappropriate touching stemmed from that and that's played a role in how you view yourself in sexual relationships. Do see someone; you deserve peace of mind.
 
I'm wondering what are you into now?
Just like touching ?
 
freehand said:
Basically I was touched inappropriately by a male family member when I was around 12 years old. Then when I went to school I was bullied my whole time there.

When I was in year 9 around the age of 13 I started to stroke the other guys in my classes leg with my own leg and a pen. They would move their leg away but every class I would do it. It got to the point where they would move chairs.

I felt like I had to please them. But it never got further than that. I know it sounds really weird but I started to act like this.

Now I am 21 but I still think back to that time I wonder how I came across. What do you guys think?
Click to expand...

I am confused as to what you want to know. What do we think about this behavior? What do we think about what you need to do to move forward?

If you are asking if we think what you did was particularly unusual, I would say yes because you were touching these guys out of context. Several guys on this site have gotten close to physically crossing a line with classmates in adolescence, however when we were doing it, they were people we knew and were probably friends with. I would say my "guilt" if any came from the fact that they didn't know that I was sexualizing the situation, where as they were probably not. In your case, you seemed to have been touching guys you had no prior friendship/relationship with, so they thought it was weird and they moved seats.

Regardless, you are 21, and I wouldn't dwell too hard on what you did at 13. You should be focused on the present and enjoying your 20's.
 
Thank you for the responses. I was just wondering does this behavior make me a rapist??
 
freehand said:
Thank you for the responses. I was just wondering does this behavior make me a rapist??
Click to expand...

This behavior took place when you were 13, you are now 21, yet you speak in the presentence, it seems that you are still feeling the same as you did when you acted that way.
We have all done things in our youth that we wouldn't think of doing now.

The reason that you need to speak to a therapist is so you can put all that happened to you and all that you did in proper perspective,
what you described is by no means rape, it was the action of a boy who had been overwhelmed by sexual stimulation that he was not ready nor responsible for.

Again, please seek some help.
 
No, a rapist is someone who sexually penetrates or gratifies one party or the other. You were molesting your classmates and making them feel very uncomfortable because you had an impulsive drive to sexually gratify them when they were just trying to be in class and learn. This behavior is not normal, and as Seasoned recommended, I would seek professional counseling by a therapist over your history of being sexually abused and unable to find normal sexual relations with other people. I am sorry you are going through this, and you should not hate yourself for your past behaviors. However, the best place to start now would be to seek professional counseling to begin the healing process.
 
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