I am walking cliche and I hate it

[gaultierfnd2007]

I officially came out to all of my friends the during my Freshmen year in 2007 and no one was surprised. It seems everyone new and was waiting for me to actually say it. You see I am a walking gay cliche. I can be campy and flaming and tend to overwhelm people. From a shallow point of view I stereotypically gay and most of the time that is what most people see. I've actually been turned down because of it. I'm mostly into unstereotypically gay men or bi guys. I don't know if it's the self hate that comes from me being femme and hating it. I wish that people could see me for other things but I refuse to act "normal" one because I feel odd doing and two because it's not who I am.

 

[hanshansen]

I wish that people could see me for other things but I refuse to act "normal" one because I feel odd doing and two because it's not who I am.

Then you've kind of got a problem.

You can fix it by changing how you behave or by mixing with people who aren't weirded out by how you are at the moment.

Which of the following two situations is this? When I was in high school, for about two years I always wore the top button of my uniform shirt done up. It made me stand out and I got a lot of shit for it. I don't know why I did this, I think it's because I didn't want to cave into the pressure, and also because I'd got used to having the button done up and imagined it would be really awkward to change it. But at some point I thought, this is not worth it, came to school with the collar open, and my life became a lot easier. I've never since had the urge to walk around with the button up (unless I'm wearing a tie, which I don't enjoy doing).

I've always been interested in intellectual and 'arty' subjects. I guess I have a taste for the finer things, I like good food and wine, I'm a classical music fan, I dress well etc. In my earlier 20s I denied that side of me, I guess in part because I thought it was steriotypically gay, and was very unhappy as a result. I didn't feel free to pursue my pleasures and interests and was ashamed of them and felt very self-conscious in general. At some point I thought, this is not worth it, and just told people that this is what I liked and worried less about how I looked and came across. You can say I embraced my inner Niles and Frasier Crane. It turns out the people I mix with (liberal elite straight people mainly) do not mind at all, in fact they like it. I can imagine I would have issues in parts of Hicksville. But I will never move to Hicksville if I can avoid it.

This is an important question for how you deal with this. You need to figure out how superficial these camp aspects of you are.

 

[pinoy-pride]

well what exactly are you doing that you would say a stereotypical gay does?

 

[sb]

I officially came out to all of my friends the during my freshman year in 2007 and no one was surprised. It seems everyone new and was waiting for me to actually say it. You see I am a walking gay cliche. I can be campy and flaming and tend to overwhelm people. From a shallow point of view I stereotypically gay and most of the time that is what most people see. I've actually been turned down because of it. I'm mostly into unstereotypically gay men or bi guys. I don't know if it's the self hate that comes from me being femme and hating it. I wish that people could see me for other things but I refuse to act "normal" one because I feel odd doing and two because it's not who I am.

never try to act normal. normal is the most boring thing on the planet.

No matter how you act there are some people out there who will never see you as anything but gay.... anything and everything you do will be because you are gay. Just be yourself and the people who matter already know that you are much more than gay.

 

[gotdimples77]

I love femme bois!!

 

[rareboy]

I don't know what you're looking for.

I agree. Don't put on an act for anyone.

 

[GBirdie]

Hmm, I guess nobody should/has the right to blame you to be yourself.

My only advice is, be yourself. It WILL be a bit hard to get used to acting natural if you haven't done that for a long time. You might feel awkward at first. But like you said, you "refuse to act 'normal'" because its not who you are. I agree to that, and all you have to do, is be yourself.

Don't give a damn on what other people think of you. Most importantly, are your friend with you?? As long as you find someone who agrees and supports you, that's enough. And if you don't, go find a few.

 

[Skinslife]

Don't put on an act for anyone, but my advice would be don't wear your sexuality. It's really only a small part of who you are.

 

[G-Lexington]

I think you need to give a bit more thought to things. You say you hate being femme-y. But think - why?

Because you thought you were "getting away with it"? Flying under the radar, so to speak? Well, you're out of the closet now, so there's no need to keep it on the downlow.

Because you're attracted to more masculine guys? So what? That just means you're not your type. And most people aren't, I don't think. No one is interested in dating an exact clone of themselves - they WANT someone different.

Because you reinforce the stereotype? So what? Stereotypes come from somewhere. There actually ARE Blacks who listen to hip-hop, and straight women who love to shop for shoes, and gay men who are somewhat effeminate. If that's who you are, it's no more an act than mine is.

Let yourself be yourself. And if yourself is an uber-gay, fabulouso femme, then for God's sake, be the best fucking uber-gay, fabulouso femme you can be.

Lex