I am wrong to be upset after catching boyfriend wanking?

[mcuk2012]

I am wrong to be upset after catching boyfriend wanking?

Normally I would be the first to tell anyone that wanking is a natural and healthy part of life but the other night me and my boyfriend had sex and then went to bed, about 2 hours later I woke up to him wanking next to me with his phone is his hand, once I turned over I went to help him out and quite liked the idea of catching him and joining in (one of my turn ons in fact) but he pushed my hand away turned over onto his front and then he jumped out of the bed with his phone saying he need a cigarette and removed what he had been looking at from his phone, once he returned to bed I tried to get him hard again but he could not get an erection.

This has left me feeling very confused and upset - I understand men wank but we had only just had sex and now I am questioning if he enjoys our sex life as much as he says he does.

we have quite an active and varied sex life (almost every day and both say its the most enjoyable love making we have ever had) and will watch porn together a few times a month - but when we search it always me left searching for what we should watch as he says he does not know what to search for, so with him literally jumping out the bed and taking what he had been looking at off his phone has also left me wondering if am not turning him on in some way and he needs to search for it when am alone, and left bewildered as to why he wont open upto me about his turn ons.

I feel a bit rejected as it was so close after us having sex, he pushing my hand away and the fact he could not get an erection afterwards ( he worrying maybe).

We have spoke about it and he says its was just a toss as he just got hard, and the thing he was wanking over on his phone was a video someone had posted on twitter but I cant understand - he never just got hard he was searching for things on twitter to wank over.

I did also ask if I am not giving him enough time alone but he insist that he does not want any part of our relationship to change and hes very happy but I cant shake the feeling of being upset and confused, so am I wrong? sorry for the long winded post.

 

[Molitor69]

Sometimes a guy just wants a good wank. Personally I enjoy jerking off alone at times. My boyfriend of 7 years always insists on taking part, but I'm not always looking for him to join in you know. I love him and we have great sex, but sometimes I want to just cum on my own. Nothing wrong with that.
If you don't trust him, that's another issue altogether, but make sure it's not just your insecurities taking over.

 

[Halifaxboy8]

I agree with the above sentiment regarding insecurities. I'm not going to get into the "jerking off is natural" defense are you are well aware of that. Your issue here is you feel you aren't enough for him and that he has to resort to other means for release.

So let's spin this around and make you look at your own needs. Do you jerk off? When you jerk off, do you watch porn or visualize erotic images, or read stories? If you can answer yes to those, then you must agree that you like personal time and when that happens you aren't jerking off to photos of your boyfriend. You like other things as well.

You can't be everything for him, nor can he for you. You may have wonderful sex often and enjoy each other's bodies, but each of you also has other things that turn you on. You have to respect his personal space and needs and not get touchy and sensitive about it.

For myself, I get turned on by all sorts of things. Sometimes I'll cruise bear cub porn for a week, then switch to self-sucking twinks. That doesn't mean I don't lust after my partner. That means I have varied tastes. My partner can't possibly be everything for me. I know he jerks off and I encourage it. Its his body.

Regarding your bf jerking off so soon after sex, maybe he was just super horny. I've had days where I will cum more than twice in an afternoon. I can't expect my partner to keep up with my needs, nor have him get me off in the way I may need to.

You are worrying over nothing.

 

[Seasoned]

No need to worry over this unless it is often and he isoslates.

 

[MacDuff6602]

I wouldn't be upset unless this becomes a routine thing. I have been with my partner for over 9years, and we ocassionally jo apart, to porn, as i travel. We have also been known to jo separtely in bed while we are together, looking at porn, sometimes a litttle while after sex as one of us may be extra horny and the other tired, or not in the mood.

 

[Críostóir]

Well...wrong to be upset? 'Upset' is a feeling, and it's how you feel. Not right or wrong.

BUT I do think it's something to try to get over. Suppress your reaction. Not all feelings need to be expressed, and he isn't doing anything wrong.

 

[Georgiadude]

maybe he was a little harsh in his reaction but I don't think you need to be upset or fret about this as much as you seem to be. Many guys like to pleasure themselves and he may have even been a little embarrassed that you "caught" him doing it. I'd be a little upset about the phone thing but as others have said unless it's happening a lot or things change between you two I'd just let it go. At this point I think your making a mountain out of a mole hill. He's assured you several times that things are ok between you and he's happy. Accept that as his answer and move on.

Steven.

Oh. Welcome to JUB

 

[palemale]

I usually jerk off an hour or so after sex. The better the sex, the more likely I am to jerk off because I nearly always do it while thinking about the most recent encounter.

 

[hylas]

what strikes me most here is that your bf seems really uncomfortable sharing what kind of porn hes into.

maybe hes just a little uptight about it (i know i am).

or maybe he doesnt want to make you feel rejected. i mean, given your reaction here, you do seem to be a little insecure.

or maybe hes into something 'weird'.

anyhow, as long as the sex you guys have is good, then i wouldnt interpret his wanking and porn as some kind of rejection.

but i would be curious why there is a part of his sexuality that hes keeping locked up. but you wont make him open up by being insecure and jealous and pushy and accusing. you will by being patient and open and understanding... making him feel like youre a safe place for him to open up.

 

[racer2438]

your making way to much of this, I catch my honey all the time and it's no big deal. I j/o sometimes on y own with or w/o him knowing.

It's just our own private time. If we are doing it in the bed while other is asleep no big deal...

much more important things in life than that.

 

[TX-Beau]

Sometimes I'll whack off to burn off stress. I'm not really interested in focusing on someone else if that's my goal.

It doesn't mean I don't find my guy hot anymore.

 

[Rosko69]

Definitely not something you should be worrying about.

 

[Just_Believe18]

It is a very bizarre situation. It's normal for a boyfriend to want to jerk off often by himself; however, his strange behavior involving his phone is odd.

Based on how quickly he wanted to jerk off again after just having sex with you, I am also agreeing with the above advice that he may have a fetish of some type that he feels too embarrassed to share with you. I'm not sure what to advise except to have a talk with him saying you're fine with him jerking off, but you just find the other behavior strange. Let him know you just want him to be open and honest with you.

 

[the8thdocter]

everyone needs a little bit of privacy now and again, and like some of the other people have said, he might have a strange fettish that he doesnt want to make you feel awkward about

 

[texan_slant]

You're over-thinking it;
Jerking-off is such a personal thing. Give him his space!

 

[nsguy2]

Threats of blindness and/or hairy palms have never kept a guy from jerking off and I doubt anything ever will.