Hey Guys,
I just wanted to share my fears and the realities of coming out late in life (although I'm guessing a lot of this will be relevant to all ages).
A few years back my marriage ended because of unrelated issues (my ex was an over-controlling Bitch!).
Late in the marriage I realised my sexual orientation was not Hetro but suppressed this as I'd already "made my bed" and for the sake of my son decided I was content with the life I had made and would honor the choices I'd already made.
But now that this "Deal" had become Null + Void I decided to explore my desire for Guys. I joined a few sites and started exploring. I LOVED IT! Looking back on my whole life, it was now obvious to me I was born Gay. I had ignored all the signs because 30 years ago in Australia, I would've been bashed + ostracized. I wasn't a brave or pioneering youth so I followed the herd and got a girlfriend.
This was always going to be a covert operation because if anyone found out, my life would fall apart. I thought my friends, family + work would disown me! The only problem was (apart from my paranoia from being caught), that "Fuck Buddies" don't want to form ANY kind of relationship. Don't get me wrong, this is fair enough. I'm all for "just having fun", but this wasn't going to be enough for me.
I made the decision that I needed to have a meaningful relationship. But if I was to have a partner, I would not hide them from my family or friends. If someone is a part of my life they deserve to be so!
So I made the decision to COME OUT. I planned who and when I would come out to.
I was lucky enough to meet someone very special, someone who had the same values + integrity that I did. I'll spare you the soppy details but needless to say, I fell in love.
I 1st came out to my sister, our relationship had gotten sooo close with my marriage break-up + she'd helped beyond expectations (I call her my Angel for how much she's done). She accepted it without question and there has never been an awkward moment with her or her immediate family (close support is the key!).
2nd, I came out to my best mate and friends. He was great about it (mind you- we had had a few drunken fore-rays in previous years but I don't think it would've made much diff). The other friends were pretty cool but I'm not as close to them so it's hard to tell fully.
Work was next, this was the one that I was most worried about. I absolutely love the field + place I work at. It was my salvation when my break-up was happening (by the way, at exactly the same time I was divorcing. my Mum was diagnosed with Cancer + died 6 months later ... HEAVY!). Plus, My workplace is a sub-culture within a sub-culture ie; Stereotypical Hetro, Mancho, Conservative, Bigots (at least outwardly). Don't get me wrong, I accept these guys for who they are + have worked with them for years + grown to love them.
So it was a welcomed surprise to find how accepting they were, apparently what they projected was only a facade. Of course there are some that have some problem with it but that is their problem and they realise they are in the minority and that does wonders to keep their gutless mouths shut ... hehe.
You would've heard this many times before but coming out is SOOOO Liberating.
I only wish I'd done it many years before. But then again, if I had I wouldn't have a beautiful son (I get to have my cake and it eat as well!).
My advice to anyone coming out is to to plan it carefully, do it 1 step at a time, start with the people you expect will accept it the most then continue in that order. Building up a support base as you go along. It's even easier if by now you've found a loving partner who adds to the meaning of all this.
Of course I omitted to say I came out to my then 6 year old son 1st!
I welcome any comments or questions, I will try and check in on this thread frequently until it's past it's use by.
All the best,
Chris
I just wanted to share my fears and the realities of coming out late in life (although I'm guessing a lot of this will be relevant to all ages).
A few years back my marriage ended because of unrelated issues (my ex was an over-controlling Bitch!).
Late in the marriage I realised my sexual orientation was not Hetro but suppressed this as I'd already "made my bed" and for the sake of my son decided I was content with the life I had made and would honor the choices I'd already made.
But now that this "Deal" had become Null + Void I decided to explore my desire for Guys. I joined a few sites and started exploring. I LOVED IT! Looking back on my whole life, it was now obvious to me I was born Gay. I had ignored all the signs because 30 years ago in Australia, I would've been bashed + ostracized. I wasn't a brave or pioneering youth so I followed the herd and got a girlfriend.
This was always going to be a covert operation because if anyone found out, my life would fall apart. I thought my friends, family + work would disown me! The only problem was (apart from my paranoia from being caught), that "Fuck Buddies" don't want to form ANY kind of relationship. Don't get me wrong, this is fair enough. I'm all for "just having fun", but this wasn't going to be enough for me.
I made the decision that I needed to have a meaningful relationship. But if I was to have a partner, I would not hide them from my family or friends. If someone is a part of my life they deserve to be so!
So I made the decision to COME OUT. I planned who and when I would come out to.
I was lucky enough to meet someone very special, someone who had the same values + integrity that I did. I'll spare you the soppy details but needless to say, I fell in love.
I 1st came out to my sister, our relationship had gotten sooo close with my marriage break-up + she'd helped beyond expectations (I call her my Angel for how much she's done). She accepted it without question and there has never been an awkward moment with her or her immediate family (close support is the key!).
2nd, I came out to my best mate and friends. He was great about it (mind you- we had had a few drunken fore-rays in previous years but I don't think it would've made much diff). The other friends were pretty cool but I'm not as close to them so it's hard to tell fully.
Work was next, this was the one that I was most worried about. I absolutely love the field + place I work at. It was my salvation when my break-up was happening (by the way, at exactly the same time I was divorcing. my Mum was diagnosed with Cancer + died 6 months later ... HEAVY!). Plus, My workplace is a sub-culture within a sub-culture ie; Stereotypical Hetro, Mancho, Conservative, Bigots (at least outwardly). Don't get me wrong, I accept these guys for who they are + have worked with them for years + grown to love them.
So it was a welcomed surprise to find how accepting they were, apparently what they projected was only a facade. Of course there are some that have some problem with it but that is their problem and they realise they are in the minority and that does wonders to keep their gutless mouths shut ... hehe.
You would've heard this many times before but coming out is SOOOO Liberating.
I only wish I'd done it many years before. But then again, if I had I wouldn't have a beautiful son (I get to have my cake and it eat as well!).
My advice to anyone coming out is to to plan it carefully, do it 1 step at a time, start with the people you expect will accept it the most then continue in that order. Building up a support base as you go along. It's even easier if by now you've found a loving partner who adds to the meaning of all this.
Of course I omitted to say I came out to my then 6 year old son 1st!
I welcome any comments or questions, I will try and check in on this thread frequently until it's past it's use by.
All the best,
Chris
