I came out of the closet, and now Im back in it...WTF??!

[crazyboii]

So yeah i told my sis (actually got cought) and umm she promised not to tell anybody in my family(that was a lie) so yeah she told my other sis (i noticed that she was being...nicer) and so i told my older sis (i have a big family...typical mexican family lol) and i told my dad (he accepted me took me by surprise) and i told my mother and she was like thats not true your just confused blah blah your typical christian stuff. but i never told my bro...although he must suspect. but anyways almost everyone knows and umm well the enviroment felt kinda awkward and somehow my mom sent me to this church camp thing...i hated it but i told my family that i actually felt god and the only reason why i went there was to know if god was real or not, not to change my sexual orentation becuz i tried for so long and no change what so ever. now my family thinks im straigh, or well at least thats what they want to think so once again i feel like i have to come out and this time clean, has this ever happened to anyone? and if so how did yuu handle it, becuz i hate being in the closet again...

 

[Seasoned]

I hope someone has had that experience so they can help you. Sometimes I resent the fact that it seems to be up to me to educate people. You probably need to come clean with the family member you trust the most. Maybe it should be your dad and somewhere where you can be alone. Also, since I'm not sure how Anglo your family is, perhaps there is a gay community center near you that would have bilingual information for them. I'm assuming you are in the States.

 

[Lalada]

Sometimes I resent the fact that it seems to be up to me to educate people.

? That's outta place.




Anyway, I'd say continue your life as before you went back in the closet. You told them why you went to the camp, and it wasn't to "change" your sexuality. If you have to, make them understand that "change" means "repress". We can't do it for long or else we end up like those frustrated priests or hypocritical politicians.

Repression of our identity is never a good thing. But don't let your family oppress you either. That isn't right and in fact really would be inconsistent with the will of God. Compassion above all, which most of your family seems to understand, and once your mother gets that you'll be fine. Mothers will almost always accept their children, they may have hangups because of their generation's leanings but that will eventually fall through and give way to love.

You're not in the closet, think of it that way.

 

[midnight81]

Last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy had a really great scene with Callie and her father (played by hector elizondo) where they sling Bible verses at each other in regards to her lesbian relationship. You might want to check it out on Hulu before it gets bumped off (I think you have about 5 weeks before that happens).

 

[trikky]

a similar thing happened to me but different circumstances. When I came out to my best friend I told him too much and left him confused about whether I was telling him I was gay or not so it all got left awkward, and I decided not to come out to anyone else and never spoke about it to my friend again. That was 3 years ago. I therefore feel like I've gone back in. However I am going to see him soon to revisit the subject so I can clear up any misunderstandings I gave him.

In your situation I think you have done most of the hard work already and you need to be clear with your family that you are happy with your sexuality and don't want to change it.

If you appear to have any doubts, then others (like a religious parent) may grab on to those doubts as proof or wishful thinking that "it's only a phase" and that will make the whole process more difficult. Just go the extra mile now that you have come this far. Like soreknees says your dad looks like the best option. Tell him what you've told us and he can talk to your mum and sisters for you.

If you still feel awkward afterwards is moving out an option?

 

[Reprobate]

I came out to my mom, sister, brother and aunt. My mom told everyone that I was "just confused" and that I was too scared to do anything anyway. So now they all think I am straight again. Decided that I did my part, if at some point something happens that makes it obvious to them they can't say I didn't tell them. I have the feeling with my family I would have to come out every single day, would get a bit tedious.

 

[TX-Beau]

I told my family more than a decade ago and there are still some of them who insist I'll grow out of it.

It did get tedious having to deal with their insistence, but then I just started to have fun with it. When I bring a guy home, I immediately go find all the 'phobes and introduce him as my "gay lover." As in,

"Aunt Eunice, this is my gay lover Steve."

It's amazing how rewarding their reactions still are, even though they must know it's coming by now.

You told your family, they don't want to accept it, OK, ball's in their court. The only thing you're responsible for now is not hiding from them again.

 

[spencer]

TX, next time you should say "my straight lover Steve"

Rep, you tried. Live you your life gay. They can think what they want and don't say straight things to help their denial. Just be yourself. You did your job.

 

[KingofFaeries]

Really I'm with alot of the others above me.

I came out when I was 13-15 to my family. Didn't have a whole lot of access to the gay community then, so they just assumed I was straight, that is until I brought a guy over. A great friend of mine for one summer spent almost every day at my house for like 2 months and finally after about a week my mom pulled me aside when I came out to get drinks for us, and she asked me dead serious 'Are you two gay together?' I go 'ummm he's straight' she goes 'are you sure' I told her 'Well when I asked him if he liked guys he said no so I'm preeeeeeeetty sure he's straight' She dropped it after that. They know I'm gay but until another guy is involved they just ignore it.

Your family knows your gay, whether you went to the camp to change, or to find god is moot. You came out. Live you life, the closet isn't made by the people around you, it's made by you. If you feel you must 'come out' again then do so, if your satisfied that once was enough then continue on. It doesn't matter if other people think you're straight as long as you don't consciously reinforce that.