I can't help being attracted to guys being older than myself

[deserter85]

Hi guys... I've been feeling rather down lately...

I've recently fallen for someone but he can't see himself being in a relationship with me due to the age difference (he's 44 and I'm 25). I get that and I accept that. But that doesn't mean that I'm not upset or disappointed about it. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me with the age difference a huge factor as well. I was really hurt when it happened and it took me quite a while to get over him...

I can't help myself but I keep finding myself attracted to men in their 40s. So what should I do? Should I accept my lot and brace myself for more potential heartache down the line for the same reason? Should I start dating guys my own age knowing full well that they're not exactly "my type"? Should I wait quite a few years before I try to give my heart away so that the age gap is smaller then?

I'm not saying that there aren't other reasons in play as well... There certainly have been other factors at play both with this guy and my ex (e.g. long distance, potential conflict of interest etc).

But it's just one of those time that I feel.... I'm a nice guy who's got plenty of things going for me. My ex (whom after plenty lot of emotional charged conversations and elapsed time are finally good friends again) can certainly attest to that. So why can't the guys see past the age gap and see me for who I really am?

OK now that I've vented a little and I'm done emo-ing, I do feel a little better... But really... Any advice would be greatly appreciated...

 

[GhostMost]

Do whatever you feel's right, I like older men too, I would act on the chance if the ones I like would show interest. The right guy's out there for you, just give it time. I know it's so annoying to hear this from everyone you might talk to. Are you attracted to anyone close to your age at all?

 

[vidarr]

I'm in a similar boat.. The guy I'm currently dating is 19 years older than me.
I find myself worrying about what the future holds for us, as we both want a life long relationship.
And yet, no matter where I look there is not a single person that can compare to him.

He was against dating me because of being so young but I changed his mind about what his age limits were.

He also reminds me theres no need to worry about death as we could both die tomorrow..

 

[deserter85]

Rarely if ever do I find myself attracted to men my own age.

Based on the last 2 guys I've fallen for, my "type" would be men in their early to mid 40s, balding/bald, hairy, healthcare professionals (could be that I find it easier to strike up conversations as I'm about to be one myself).

 

[RedHawkk]

I can agree. I'm 18 and I have a HUGE Crush on my Math teacher that's 23. It's not the age difference, it's the fact that he's my teacher and we could get into A LOT of trouble. Sighhhhh

 

[AsianDream]

I tend to like older guys than me – but I’ve had sex with a guy 10 years younger than me and one (that was at the time) 52 years older than me.

At the end of the day – it’s only people that matter – age – like height, race, hair colour etc just doesn’t matter – if you like someone – don’t ever let a label get in the way.

One thing I like is the Chumbawamba lyrics

The truth is, I thought it mattered
I thought that music mattered.
But does it? Bollocks! Not compared to how people matter

In the same way – age (race, whatever) just doesn’t matter – only people matter

 

[anchihiro]

Well im sure theres loads of older guys that would love the chance to be with you.

 

[Seasoned]

I can agree. I'm 18 and I have a HUGE Crush on my Math teacher that's 23. It's not the age difference, it's the fact that he's my teacher and we could get into A LOT of trouble. Sighhhhh

Or rather, he could get into a lot of trouble just because he is your teacher. If he's interested it's best if he waits until you graduate.

 

[Seasoned]

"I've recently fallen for someone but he can't see himself being in a relationship with me due to the age difference (he's 44 and I'm 25). I get that and I accept that. But that doesn't mean that I'm not upset or disappointed about it. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me with the age difference a huge factor as well. I was really hurt when it happened and it took me quite a while to get over him..."


And I always thought it was the younger guys who broke up with the older ones. If you are not financially dependent on a partner I font see the problem. I imagine there'd be lots of guys interested. Perhaps it has more to do with the other problems you alluded to. What older guy wouldn't want to be flattered by a younger man's interest. The downside for you could mean caregiving or early loss of a spouse. The emphasis there is on could. I think the first consideration should be love and compatibility. Let the other chips fall where they may. Keep in mind I'm a romantic, however.

 

[AsianDream]

I've recently fallen for someone but he can't see himself being in a relationship with me due to the age difference (he's 44 and I'm 25).

Actually that isn't a very big age difference compared to some - so just forget it