The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

I can't take all of this negativity anymore!

B

biguy562

On the Prowl
Joined
Aug 11, 2010
Posts
80
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Hey guys! I am 25 years old

Most of you remember I came out to my parents a couple weeks ago. Everything is going fine with that and all...or so it seems.

My parents are 60 and 63 and in extremely bad health. My dad has severe back and leg pain and mom has had 4 knee replacements, broke her femur bone, her bone "died", she has fibromyaliga, and a few other things. Within the past couple months my dad has been crying fairly often. My mom sleeps half the day, everyday and my dad is in constant pain all day long. They both are extremely negative. They try to act happy and all but it doesn't really work.

We also live on a small farm with a few horses. My dad can hardly take care of them anymore. I help as often as I can. My dad built our house and is still paying for it..

I have a boyfriend of 4 months and he is at college now (one hour away) and I go see him every weekend. We are planning on, if every works out us getting an apartment in about a year together where he is at school. My mom says every time I go see him my dad cries and walks around (I know he don't want me driving because he worries, but I don't know if its because I came out as well)

I am just getting tired off all this negativity and it seems to be getting worse by the day. I want to start my life, move out and be on my own, especially if my boyfriend and I decide to get a place. I've thought about suggesting that they give up the farm and move somewhere with less to keep up and all because my dad feels burdened with the animals.

Also, if my dad doesn't come around with the fact I'm gay that's going to even make it worse.

I don't know what to do :(
 
I'm sorry for your troubles and your parents' pain. Are you in the US? Is your dad a vet? If so, getting health care at the VA would mean he has a social worker at his disposal. At the very least get both of your parents to give permission for their doctors to communicate with you.

It will be easier for them to consider moving if you present them with a proposal which offers your help with the transition. They are not in any shape to take on the burden of initiating selling and moving.

Good luck to them and good luck to you.
 
Yes i would recommend they sell their farm. Live somewhere close to amenities where they can be looked after and treated.
 
They are both suffering from depression.

They need to step up and recognize that it is time for them to be realistic about what they can and can't do.

Maybe they need to have a lodger who can help with the farm chores if they keep the farm.

As for you, it is time to move out and start living your own life in order to be more help to them than you can be right now.

Too often, I've seen the case where the one son (or daughter) has been drawn into an entirely unhealthy and toxic family situation where the ailing parents require care.

A few years ago, one of these guys who I had gone to school with ....captain of the football team and everything....committed suicide after his parents had died....he had lived his whole closeted life for them and had nothing once they were gone.

Better that you should get out there, make something of yourself, and then offer a home to your parents or to assist them in finding a place they can care for that also puts them back into constant touch with other neighbours and friends.
 
My dad is EXTREMELY stubborn.

reone, My dad has talked about giving it up before but it was only when he was frustrated. I'm not really sure how they will take it...hard I believe but they need to face the reality.

Seasoned...I do live in the U.S.A and my dad is not a vet. They are both on LOTS of medication and go to the doctor regularly.

Anchihiro and rareboy, I agree that they should definitely sell the farm. I agree the worse it gets the worse I get...I am extremely unhappy right now. I want to move out and start living my life.

I feel like what you said rareboy that I have been closeted/sheltered my whole life. They never suggested I move out nor go away to school I have been at home my whole life. When I do try to do something they make me feel bad by saying I wish you were staying here, we don't want you to go etc.
 
Of course they do.

And they are being selfish and unfair. I assume you come from a very small family with very traditional values and lifestyle.

But they need to realize that good parenting means knowing when to push the nestlings out and make them stand on their own two feet.

As they were apparently older when you were born, they have probably enjoyed having you there into their middle age and have not pursued other opportunities for socialization.

Well, time for all of you to realize that yes, they are going to continue to get older and sicker. They have to decide whether they are going to continue to manipulate by guilt, or give their son the gift of independence and freedom.

Has your bf visited your parents?

Who knows but that your father might not get beyond some of his difficulties if he didn't see your bf as a possible threat by taking you away from them, but as an extension of the family circle?
 
Rareboy, yes I do come from a small family. My dad, mom, sister (my sister is 35), and me. That's all we really have. We aren't on good terms with any of our extended family.

Yes, they have met my boyfriend and they like him. My mom told me when I came out that she loves him. My dad hasn't said much since the night I came out but he has talked about him some.
 
Well, this is a start.

The ten years between you and your sis doesn't help, but is she on-side to convince them that they need to move to someplace that is more appropriate to their needs and abilities?

Work on making the idea of change a positive instead of a negative.

Easier said than done I know....and I will be the worst person to try to do this with, but it might do you all good.

At the beginning of this, I wasn't as optimistic, but now I think we all have something to work with.
 
Definitely move out! You can't be there with them forever and they shouldn't stop you from leaving. You need to tell them that you want to move out in a year and that they should let go of their farm. Give them a good warning before the day comes so they can prepare.
 
rareboy,

My sister is stubborn just like my dad. I think they both realize that it is getting to much for them.

TheOscar, that's what I was thinking about.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top