i can't take it anymore

[mattrunner975]

ok so I know I don't really post on here much but I just need to get this out and hopefully someone can just give me some good advice. I am 18 and a senior in high school, I have just recently come to terms with me being gay but have only come out to 3 people. I cannot tell my parents till I move out (they are ultra conservative and I am 99 percent sure they would just kick me out now). So my first problem is I am freaking dying to be in a relationship. I know it sounds young and dumb but I have never been in a relationship with a guy and I am so tired of not having anyone you know? But I have basically no possible way to meet people because I am not fully out. Now for the other problem. I have been planning on going to a certain college in a big city knowing that I would be able to meet other gay guys and finally maybe something could happen. But just last week I was offered a full ride for sports to another college that is a good college but in suck town usa. I asked around and i heard the only gay bar they have is in a hotel where you meet men and then just go fuck in one of the rooms. what the hell am i supposed to do???? I mean its free college but extremely little chance of meeting guys. what would you do? has anyone ever been in situations like this? thanks for taking the time to read this and i hope to hear from you guys soon.

 

[PSCGuy]

That's a tough one. College is certainly expensive these days, and as a senior I can attest to that. I haven't been in the same situation, but I think I can lend you some advice.

I'm a college senior, still in the closet, never having been in a relationship, and probably at your level of frustration. Having not come to terms myself with things in my waning high school years, I decided to go to a small conservative Catholic university. Now, I like my school, but it hasn't been the greatest environment for me to come out and meet something, that having been my own fault as much as if not more than the school's.

But what I see in your situation is this. If I had been in your position when I was making a choice, I think I would have followed my heart. There's always the possibility that you can work your ass of to make money out at school, and/or apply for a lot of scholarships. But if you go to school in East Bumblefuck Indiana, then you're really stuck there. I'd go with your heart, but make sure you weigh your finances too. They'll both impact the rest of your life, so they both matter a whole lot.

Hope that helps some, and good luck with your decision. And above all: Enjoy college! It's a great four years.

 

[Homoerectus]

Go for the scholarship college. Go to school 12 months of the year and finish in 3 years. Go to college for the education, not the fun. When you have an education, you can support yourself in a lifestyle you choose and you will have the rest of your life to have fun and gay sex.

 

[momp57]

I went to a complete "red-neck" little college in the middle of nowhere. I didn't know of a soul that was gay, but still met people, survived and had a great time. We are everywhere even if there's not a gay bar in sight. Good luck!

 

[Ramindra]

I got into uni with very high grades. After the first few months everything started going downhill and grades started dropping. The reason? I was thinking with my cock 24/7. After a year, what should haves been As were at the worst end of C.

My twin brother, who is also my best friend and mentor, had words with me, words which were not very nice. Basically, he told me to get my effing act into gear and to think with my brains instead of things in the vicinity of my groin. He told me that university lasted for 3 or 4 years, and that after that I could fuck myself stupid for the rest of my life if I wanted to. University was in fact the means by which I could afford to do what I wanted....later. His final words were that if I failed I would bring shame to our family, and coming from Thailand, that is about the last thing I wanted to do.

I followed that advice, and have never regretted it. OK, a few sacrifices were made. I jerked off a bit more than usual. I missed the regular comforts of a man's body.

Much as I wanted a real relationship, I knew that I could not fully commit myself AND follow the academic course I had chosen. I still had an occasional "night out" - man cannot live by his hand alone!

I have graduated, and done very well. I have security in employment and can work anywhere in the world. I have started a relationship. I am 27. Hopefully, I have at least 50 years of my life ahead of me. I am just 30% along the road with a greater distance in front of me than what I have travelled already.

So, as advised already, get the runs on the board first, get your studies completed, get job and life security. There will be plenty of time for love and laughter later.

 

[Kulindahr]

The details of that sports scholarship are important.

Does it commit you to four years?
If you decide to quit, do you suddenly owe them what you already got?

Also, just how far from other universities would you be?

 

[mattrunner975]

it would be for 4 years but if i did pull out i wouldnt owe anything. it is kinda close to another school...like an hour I believe.

thank you guys so much for the advice. I believe you guys are right. I should just take advantage of this and go to school there. it still sucks though haha owell

 

[RukkuS]

At least try the full ride scholarship. If you don't like it, then at least you havent lost anything, right?

...and let me tell you, the town youu live in doesn't matter in college. A lot of closeted people are looking forward to college so they can "come out". It happens at every college when kids are finally out of the house. Take the full ride college man. You'll regret it later on. Especially if you go to the other college in the city and get into a crappy relationship. Think with your head and think strongly about your future. Graduating college with no debt is FAR better than graduating college with a shitload of debt and an STD. You'll have fun at either college you go to, but i highly recommend taking the full ride. Not everybody gets that type of award handed to them.

 

[rareboy]

Absolutely go for the scholarship.

So what if you're in BumFuck Wisconsin?

There's no such thing as a college on earth that doesn't have gay guys attending. you might get lucky.

And with the money you'll save, you can likely give yourself a few trips to some gay intensive location every once in awhile.

I also have to assume that you'll be travelling with a team to show of your athletic skills in other burgs. You'll meet lots of guys in the same position as you.

With a bit of effort, you may then end up in a completley different position.

 

[KaraBulut]

Now for the other problem. I have been planning on going to a certain college in a big city knowing that I would be able to meet other gay guys and finally maybe something could happen. But just last week I was offered a full ride for sports to another college that is a good college but in suck town usa.

Being a gay person in a non-gay friendly environment is no picnic. If this is what is compelling you to go to a larger university, then it is understandable.

So my first problem is I am freaking dying to be in a relationship.

This is the sentence that is of concern. An education is a lifetime investment. A relationship for an 18 year od gay man is not going to be a lifetime investment. Yes, there are exceptions but they are exceptions.

Years ago, we used to make jokes about women who went to universities to find a good husband- to get their "Mrs degree". It was absurd that anyone would waste the opportunity to get an education on the pursuit of a relationship.

It is equally absurd that you would consider making a university choice based upon the desire for a relationship.

It's still early- only February. If the scholarship is for the Fall semester, keep looking at other colleges until you find one that you like and that can offer you a scholarship.

If you're looking for a gay-friendly environment, then good for you. If you're looking for a boyfriend, then you need to reset your priorities.

 

[PSCGuy]

Years ago, we used to make jokes about women who went to universities to find a good husband- to get their "Mrs degree".

Years ago? I've made that joke in my time @ school. Maybe you all are offering better advice than I was...

 

[chatolandia]

GO for an education, after all, that will give you the independence you need...


Your hand will be your friend

and who knows, you might meet a nice guy over there...

 

[LateNite85]

I agree with KaraBulut. Education always should come first. But even beyond the scholarship, make sure you pick the right school for what you can gain academically and professionally first, then consider the scholarship opportunities. After those considerations, then think about finding a school that's receptive to gay men. The good thing about college is that even in pretty conservative cities, many colleges can be very liberal and their student bodies can be open to people of all types. Good luck!

 

[texan_slant]

I agree with everyone here. Your education will open MANY doors for you - including an expanded social life and a new network of friends , some of which might be gay.

There is absolutely NO HURRY to be in a relationship. Take the time in college to discover yourself, your likes, and dislikes, and it is only then that you will know what you want out of a relationship, or out of another person.

Because there might not be any outwardly gay hangouts doesn't necessarily mean that there are less gay people around. You might have to work harder to find it.

A free ride to college is HARD TO COME BY nowadays! Take advantage and have fun!

 

[nautiboyjeff]

Have you thought about trying to get another scholarship at a school in a town that does have what your looking for? There are many colleges and you can apply to many of them. Also, can you stay one year at this school and continue to look at other schools. Many people spend 2 years at a school then finish at a different school.

If you are a good enough athlete to get a scholarship at one school, chances are you can get into a school in the biggest town or in a state nearby.

Think about the alternatives and set your intentions to obtaining that, rather than settling for what you have right at this moment.

 

[Kulindahr]

it would be for 4 years but if i did pull out i wouldnt owe anything. it is kinda close to another school...like an hour I believe.

thank you guys so much for the advice. I believe you guys are right. I should just take advantage of this and go to school there. it still sucks though haha owell

No, what would suck would be graduating with the median debt of roughly $20,000 (2004 figures) -- which by the time you graduate, at the rate things are going, would likely be closer to $30,000.

Nautiboyjeff had a good point about being good enough to get a scholarship. I'll add to it: it you're good enough to get offered a scholarship at one place, you're definitely good enough to get one somewhere else!

So do some checking.
One thing to check is if the school has a GLBA group.

BTW, if you're in sports, learn to do rub-downs and massage. When I was in college, if I hadn't been totally repressed and screwed up from my upbringing, I could have been getting LOTS of action -- "magic fingers" will open lots of doors.

 

[thewiz]

I would take the college up on the scholarship offer. I have only been out a couple years and when I found out I was moving to Washington, DC thought, "there will be only conservatives and straights there." Surprise, surprise!

Kul had a good point -- check to see if they have a GLBT youth service at the college to which you will be attending. A number of my friends that I play football with are active in these and they are a great way to meet people.

You might also go to a "friend finder" type site and type in the zip code of the area to which you will be moving. Manhunt, gay.com, outpersonals...see if there are other guys in the area. You might be surprised that you will not be the only gay guy in the area....I know I was!

I also know what it is like to wish that you were with a man and wanting to hold him at night. I did that for many years and waited 19 LONG ones when I was married before I made the final decision to go for it. Yes it is fantastic, but you'll survive in the meantime (your hand may become your best friend!)

On weekends you might take a trip into the larger areas or cities nearby. I'm not sure where it is you are going but there may be better opportunities nearby. You might also check to see if those schools have a GLBT group and join it -- you may meet some great friends and perhaps the man of your dreams!

This way you can graduate debt free and it will make a difference starting out to not have that bill hanging over your head! Good luck.

 

[sixthson]

Make you decision on the college that will give you the best education and prepare you for the future NOT on which one is more likely to get you a date.

Be sure of this: any college will have guys just like you--in the closet and lonely. Keep your eyes open and I'm willing to bet you'll meet some guys you like.

You could spend an evening in a gay bar full of men and still leave alone. Conversely, you could spend a day at a computer club and meet the man of your dreams.

If you are able, cool your desperation and enjoy your college years. When you least expect it, love could strike.

Good luck, buddy.