I can't tell if the guy I like is gay!

[lucius]

I've met this guy...and I can't stop thinking about him. AHHH!

He's a little taller than I am, broad shoulders, really slender waste, cute butt, adorable smile, deep blue eyes and hair that's obsidian black. He's the hottest dutchman I've ever seen! Everytime I look at him I feel like I'm looking at Adonis. He makes me so nervous, but I feel so good when I'm around him. I get sad sometimes though because I'm closeted and I'm afraid of what could happen if he finds out and isn't gay/isn't interested. Plus, I get really depressed because I want to be with him so badly but I don't know if it'll ever happen!

I'm thinking it might be my imagination, but lemme give some info....

When we're alone sometimes he gets really close to me, sometimes he doesn't. When we're on the train, sometimes when cabin is empty he'll sit practically on top of me, sometimes he wont. This one time, he sat across from me until the other passengers got off the train, then he sat next to me and (from what i think) pretended to look out the window and was like really up in my face. But he didn't make it obvious.

Also, he makes jokes, like when we're at the gym, he'll say i'm beautiful when I'm fixing my hair or looking in the mirror. If I ask him to do something he sometimes says, "sure, anything for you". other times he hardly talks to me.

Also, he really lets you know he hates gays. Like he says things like 'stupid gays' or 'gay people are crazy', but he doesn't say it with much passion. It's almost like lip-service. But I really don't know. I mean, we both come from conservative families.

I'm not sure! I think that sometimes due to me wanting him I blow things out of proportion. But also, I sometimes feel a connection. And even other times nothing. But it depends on him. Some days he's chipper as a chipmunk and really close to me and happy. Other days he's quiet and hardly even seems to notice me.

Also, since he's European I can't tell if he's just metrosexual or gay! His cloths are so cute. Fuck all! He's so cute. Help me out guys/girls, let me know what you think. I can't stop thinking about him and I won't move to intercept if I don't know.

Like I said, we both come from conservative families and I'd kill myself if anyone ever found out and I went out on a limb for nothing. I'd be able to do it with a man on my side, someone I really loved, but not sooner.

I feel like I'm breaking apart over him. I can't eat, and I can't sleep.

 

[LeoMikey]

Oh yeah, i know this type of guy! Runs hot & cold, sultry to shy, sometimes in a matter of minutes. Before i came out, this happened too much for me to tolerate, which is why i'm out to the people that matter.
It would make things much easier in situations like this if you could come out, but only you can know when the time is right for that.
Your friend sounds like he's into you, but just as scared as you are. You both come from conservative families, so he is probably going through the same stuff as you. All the signals he puts out are pretty clear he likes you! Then he feels guilt/fear over the obvious attraction and backs off fast. He might even think you're straight and have no interest in him, or that you hate gays.
One clear sign a guy is gay i've found is he makes comments about gays, or brings up the subject of gays. And you think to yourself: "what made him say that when we were talking about cars?" I had a few guys i really liked, who were just friends, that would often bring up the subject of gay guys, mostly in a negative way. They thought i was straight, so they were probably trying to act macho. Here's the thing: i had sex with most of those guys. And repressed guys are so pent up that when they do finally give in to their desires, they go crazy.
You can try what worked for me: take him camping in tent. Or anyplace where you two will be in your underwear (or less) and forced to sleep very close to each other. This guy might take some work, unless you can risk telling him how you feel. Next time he makes comments on gays, ask him why he thinks that way. Tell you don't feel that way. Don't ignore him, press him about it. His answers and body language should tell you plenty. I'll bet you'll find he's hiding something.

 

[lucius]

One clear sign a guy is gay i've found is he makes comments about gays, or brings up the subject of gays. And you think to yourself: "what made him say that when we were talking about cars?"

And he does that too...like when we're talking about computers or something!!!

ahhh, but I just don't know. anyone else have any opinions?

 

[G-Lexington]

It'd be nice if we could say "I'm interested in you sexually" to whoever we wanted, and if we didn't get a favorable response, rewind and erase that part. But we can't. So basically, you're in "nothing ventured nothing gained" territory.

You can try pushing this forward, drop some more hints, flirt with him a bit more overtly. But there's a chance you're misreading him, and he'll freak out and "expose all".

Or you can hang back and hope he'll make a move. But he may not - either because he IS straight, or because he's scared of where it might lead.

Sorry. I don't have the magic technique to either get you into his pants, or get him to forgive you if you push too far and he's not interested. Nobody does. Except newboy, and he's not around much anymore.

Lex

 

[lucius]

he's a more specific example:

this one time we were watching movies and we were sitting next to each other. his apartment was new and he hadn't had the furniture moved in yet so we were on folding chairs. anyway, he moved his foot over mine and kind of left it on my foot. then he changed his foot's position so his bare calf was against mine. he did this without looking at me or any sort of signal at all, but I moved my foot an he moved back. Then I moved it again and he didn't follow, so I moved my calf back after some time and he kept his next to mine.

this sounds freaky, i know, but just feeling his body's warmth next to me was like heaven. i loved it. i imagine myself often just laying with him, close to him. feeling his warmth. I'm A TOTAL CREEPER!!!!

Another time when were were in the gym, he was dressing, I had already finished and I was watching him get dressed. I'm pretty sure he saw me staring at him, but the thing is, he didn't look at me at all until we left the gym. It's like when he made eye contact with me he couldn't bear to do it again. Like he was afraid. Also, wouldn't a straight guy make a comment if he saw one of his friends/acquaintances staring at him in his huge bulging underwear? Much less beat the guy's face to a red pulp?

And back to him being really close to me, I've had the case when we'd be sitting outside a pub on some steps and I'd be sitting down, he'd get up and practically start pelvic thrusting me in the face. Like running up and down in front of me so that he makes his crotch eye-level, only stopping about 1 or two steps from my face, while maintaining clear eye contact. If i ask him to stop he simply smiles and asks, "why".

and he does that like such a cutie!!! his why is my fucking undoing! ahahah!!!!

 

[G-Lexington]

Then ask. "Are you hinting at something? Where do you want this to lead?"

Lex

 

[lucius]

Then ask. "Are you hinting at something? Where do you want this to lead?"

are you serious? that's way too bold!

Put on "The Wizard of Oz" and see if his eyes are glued to the monkeys running up the mountain or if he starts singing "We represent the Lollipop Guild."

what does that mean?

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>are you serious? that's way too bold!

No, waving your crotch in someone's face is bold. Asking someone WHY they're waving their crotch in your face isn't bold at all - it's asking a question. Just keep the voice level - don't sound hopeful OR accusatory. If he sounds defensive, if he backs off, just say "No biggie - it doesn't bother me. I was just wondering." Then you've nudged him forward without actually putting anything on the line yourself.

If he sounds flustered (in a good way), if he looks coy, then you may just have something. So then you smile and say, "I don't mind you doing it. It's kinda fun actually." Then see what happens.

Lex

 

[lucius]

he looks coy as hell!

but he's always like that with me! fuck me, european men are too hard to read unless they're really out. unfortunately, he lives in the netherlands, and i don't.

...i wish i could see him again on some pub steps and try this out, but there's an ocean between us.

 

[Blacksheep]

If he thrusts his cock in your face touch it, laugh, then let go straight away. It's no more presumptuous than him hip thrusting you in the first place. I have no doubt that a straight guy would do the same thing, it's more in the way you do it, rather than what you're doing that will make it look gay.

 

[lucius]

If he thrusts his cock in your face touch it, laugh, then let go straight away. It's no more presumptuous than him hip thrusting you in the first place. I have no doubt that a straight guy would do the same thing, it's more in the way you do it, rather than what you're doing that will make it look gay.

i guess.

 

[Alive and Free]

Invite him over to get a better sense.

 

[confusedboy23]

I've met this guy...and I can't stop thinking about him. AHHH!

He makes me so nervous, but I feel so good when I'm around him.

Plus, I get really depressed because I want to be with him so badly but I don't know if it'll ever happen!

I feel like I'm breaking apart over him. I can't eat, and I can't sleep.

That's exactly how I feel right now too. I'm wishing you all the best.

 

[lucius]

hey...so far i'm still being as positive as possible.

at least i've lost my appetite and i'll probably loose weight over this love.

but seriously, does anyone have information on how to tell a guy is gay, or anything? what i really want is for everyone to tell me if they think he likes me or not based on the information I have posted.

god, i want him, and it's not even a sexual thing. yes, i'd fuck him silly, but I want him to be there for me. i want to feel really close to him and just be very close. i don't know. i've never felt this way before about a guy. it's like when i'm with him i feel so strong, so brave. it's almost cliche, but he completes me. his presence makes me want to be a better person and i love him like a fat kid loves cake. i mean, he's someone i wish i could spend the rest of my life with. i love everything about him. and he's not like other guys....i knew that from the second my friend Miranda introduced us. He had something about him I couldn't place, and i dunno what it is today, but it makes me crazy....

i've been ruined by a man. i feel like shit because of this. how can i want someone so much and not even know what he's feeling. i look at him and i really want to know, not even about him liking me or being gay or whatever, but i want to know what he thinks, how he feels.

i have this intense desire for a sense of oneness with him. to be so close to him and be able to share everything together. love, hate, fear, joy, passion, sadness; pretty much everything, i want it to be with him....

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>does anyone have information on how to tell a guy is gay, or anything?

There's no way of knowing shy of asking (and even then, he can lie, right?). That's why you need to nudge him forward. Do get back in touch with him. Do meet up again. And if he gets flirty like that again, ask.

Lex

 

[Blacksheep]

Guys are really odd. It isn't that uncommon for straight guys to do all sorts of shit with other men yet decide they are still straight, most of which is much further advanced than what this guy is doing with you. Beyond that some of the regular posters here that would/have had sex with other guys don't actually have any romantic feelings towards other men, so even he he does want to swing your way it doesn't mean necessarily that he's gay in the way you would like.

Also My ex-fiancee's brother lived with us for a while (he's a few years older), he was a football player who pissed on/got pissed on by guys in the shower after the game (he told us), used to spend 9/10s of the time with his dick out and sat on the couch next to me one day whilst pointing out that he had a boner (he was wearing tracksuit pants and no undies so it wasn't like I was going to miss it). He was however 100% straight (or at least claimed to be) not that I was interested anyway and he was engaged and got married and had a kid etc.

Plenty of men are comfortable doing loads of vaguely gay shit without actually craving the cock, and even if they do it doesn't mean they will actually want to date other men.

 

[lucius]

I'm going to see him when I graduate this summer. We're all going to Amsterdam to celebrate my graduation.

I won't see him sooner. Everything we had could be ruined! He could find a girlfriend or loose interest in me if he ever had any...

My life is ruined. I've always been split like this, my dad lives in the states, my mom in Europe. It ruins my life.....

 

[LarsVenice]

I've found that European men can be real teases and that they can be totally straight and still want to be around gay American men. They also have definitely boundaries that cannot be crossed, and they may even kiss you on the mouth, but that may be as far as it will ever go. My advice is not to expect sex from him but to enjoy whatever intimacy you can have with him. If he is willing to let it go further, he will let you know.

The important thing for you to find out is what kind of relationships he has with girls. If he does not have a girlfriend or does not have sex with girls, then there might be hope for you. If he does have sex with girls, then he probably just likes having gay male friends because they boost his ego. I've met quite a few European men like that - who would have gay male friends but only have sex with women, with whom they did not want to have relationships.

 

[lucius]

As far as I know, he's never had a girlfriend.....and he's 22. I mean, isn't that still a little early?

but as i said, he's in the Netherlands and I'm in Chicago....it's kinda hard for me to tell whether or not he's having casual sex with women. but at the same time, i know he's never had a girlfriend.

and at this point, i'd be willing to be his sex slave if only to be near him.

 

[rareboy]

but seriously, does anyone have information on how to tell a guy is gay, or anything?

You ask them.

Frankly, you make both of you sound rather pitiful and desperate.

Yeah maybe he likes you......or maybe he's just fucking with you.

I'd say, grow up. Either find your balls and tell him that he's arousing you, or stop obsessing and go out and find a real fuckbuddy.

By the way, if he's blowing hot and cold now, just wait till he's your boyfriend. From the sounds of it, he'll be able to play you like a cheap fiddle.