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I do NOT recommend living with your MIL...

Peloso said:
No, but knowing that she's a control freak you can appease or subvert her expectations by throwing it back at her. Subtly criticize her clothes, for example. Be overly patient next time you take her shopping, to the point where she's begging to leave. Causing a control freak to question their own choices can sometimes calm them down a bit.
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I don't think making her feel badly is the answer, and I don't need more patience or kindness, I have that coming out my ass. Somehow I just don't have the capacity for mind games with a 92 year old, it seems like herding cats. I think I will continue trying my best to keep the piece with my husband and let the child fall where they may with her. He is aware of my position and so is she. what we need here are some boundaries that need to be kept and enforced. Rick does not want to argue with his mom and I don't either but I will to keep the boundaries enforced....
 
Thad1527 said:
There aren't cliffs in Florida.

But there are fishing piers.
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The higher point in Florida is Britton Hill 345 above sea level...won't even sprain an ankle.....
 
FPNY said:
The higher point in Florida is Britton Hill 345 above sea level...won't even sprain an ankle.....
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You've got plenty of alligators, no?
 
And a life insurance policy?
 
All the joking aside...and I see this through the lens of if either I or my partner had to live with one of our mothers in the house....I have to say that all the 20+ years later, in spite of the hilarious scenarios of putting them in care or drugging them or God knows what...there is an aching because they are gone and and not around to annoy us.

As I said...death comes soon enough and then after that, when you are even orphaned in old age....there is the empty room and and knowing that all your past sorrows and joys are behind you...and now you are the ones presenting the inconvenience to your caregivers...usually in some facility where low skilled workers won't care if you sit in shit all day.

This is the moment. Rise to meet it.
 
How many years did our parents stay up all night when we were sick, how many puddles of vomit did they clean up, how many tantrums did they endure in shopping malls, how often did they skip a new pair of shoes so we could have candy at Easter....
Unless an elderly relative is genuinely dangerous, I feel it's right to be nice and indulge them. Especially if they are facing a crisis like progressive blindness.
Hardly anybody has a life of eternal comfort - let the elderly have it as easy as we can make it for them.
 
pigface said:
How many years did our parents stay up all night when we were sick, how many puddles of vomit did they clean up, how many tantrums did they endure in shopping malls, how often did they skip a new pair of shoes so we could have candy at Easter....
Unless an elderly relative is genuinely dangerous, I feel it's right to be nice and indulge them. Especially if they are facing a crisis like progressive blindness.
Hardly anybody has a life of eternal comfort - let the elderly have it as easy as we can make it for them.
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Are you suggesting a nanny, or putting her bony little ass on the school bus?

Anyway, when raising a child there is a light at the end of the tunnel that keeps getting brighter -- Learning. Progress. Increasing happiness.

It's ridiculous to compare that to caring for someone declining with age, someone on their way out, someone who has had a lifetime to learn all the right buttons to push - someone who is well experienced at being obnoxious, overbearing and manipulative.
 
FPNY said:
what's the alternative? should I leave my 43 year relationship? send her to a home? chop her in small pieces and sell her in pies?
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I'm in a similar situation...only it is dealing with my Dad who is in his 90's. It's not so much that we have problems getting along. It's that there are tasks that I know he can do but doesn't want too. Every time he thinks of something it needs from the grocery store and ordered from Amazon he calls me. Several times a week. I want him to make a list and give it to me on my weekly meal visit or his various medical appointments (several a month). But he doesn't want to do that.

He is not lonely since there are 4 other of my siblings he could call (but he doesn't) and they keep in touch with him every 2 or 3 weeks. He also has an elderly friend that stops by his home nearly every day and they talk on the phone numerous times a day.

He should be in a Senior Citizens facility (not a nursing home) but a place with no stairs but have group dining. He could afford such a place if he sold his house. But his elderly friend isn't good with change also. She would not willingly move to such a place even though she could afford it easier than my Dad.
 
I had Mom here for a few years before she got too frail and too many little strokes to function very well. The nursing home took care of her better than I could. I didn't want her here but, you do what you must. And it was good. Lots of time to talk about stuff.

I sure wish I could have had the same kind of time with my Dad. He was a jerk when I was growing up but he mellowed into a really nice guy.

Oh well.
 
PrinceCory said:
I'm in a similar situation...only it is dealing with my Dad who is in his 90's. It's not so much that we have problems getting along. It's that there are tasks that I know he can do but doesn't want too. Every time he thinks of something it needs from the grocery store and ordered from Amazon he calls me. Several times a week. I want him to make a list and give it to me on my weekly meal visit or his various medical appointments (several a month). But he doesn't want to do that.

He is not lonely since there are 4 other of my siblings he could call (but he doesn't) and they keep in touch with him every 2 or 3 weeks. He also has an elderly friend that stops by his home nearly every day and they talk on the phone numerous times a day.

He should be in a Senior Citizens facility (not a nursing home) but a place with no stairs but have group dining. He could afford such a place if he sold his house. But his elderly friend isn't good with change also. She would not willingly move to such a place even though she could afford it easier than my Dad.
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THIS....the MIL can go to the grocery everyday, or the dollar store, or the post office, never everything at once and never with a list...always, I forget to get _______ . I need to go to the store...Rick is a good buffer sometimes.
Thanks for all the advice guys, I appreciate the opportunity to vent....
 
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