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I don't know how to deal with this...

F

forest22

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Hi everyone. I really need some advice on what I should do, and I really have no one I can talk to about this.

So I just met this guy, right? He requested me on Facebook and we started talking on there. After about a week of emails and texts and calling, he asked me out. We went out on this amazing date that lasted from like 4 pm til about 11 the next day. He bought me dinner, we went shopping, watched movies at his place, we met some of his friends, and ended it by sleeping with each other. Best date ever. :D

A couple days later, (two days ago) I'm surfing online and all of a sudden I see his picture. Its for one of those sites that has those free online cam shows. Ya know, where guys sit around in there underwear while people from all over tell them how hot they are, but they only respond to the paying memebers and then do private sexy cams for them later. Well when I clicked on it, the site told me the model wasnt availible. I spent the rest of the night trying to google his stripper name and that site. Nothing showed up then, but the next day I found a couple of naked pix of him and even a video, none of which i can view because I "don't have permission to view this model" or "Not availible in your region".

I'm kinda freaking. I am a worrier by nature, but I really don't know what to do here. I dont know if I should talk to him about it. I don't want to scare him off. I really like him and he's gorgeous, and I really don't date a lot. I never had a boyfriend before. (I'm still in the closet, mostly, and havent been out long, but that's a WHOLE other discussion.) And this guy really seems into me!

*Sigh*, I really don't know what to do. Please, can someone help me know how to deal with this?
 
You have to decide for yourself: are you okay with him broadcasting over the internet?
 
Not really. But I don't want to all of a sudden call him and start accusing him and throwing a fit. I mean I don't know the whole story. Maybe its not availible becasue he quit and doesnt do it anymore? Or he doesnt think of me the same way I think about him, and we've been on one date so who am I to tell him how to live his life? I just have so many thought running through my head.
 
Well, I certainly would not accuse him or bring it up, even if I were sure that it's him. When you talk to him next time, bring up his work casually. Ask him what he does, or what he used to do (if you haven't already).
 
Well, if you're not okay with it, I don't recommend getting involved.

The other option is to get to know him better and then bring-up the subject.
 
forest22 said:
I mean I don't know the whole story. Maybe its not availible becasue he quit and doesnt do it anymore? Or he doesnt think of me the same way I think about him, and we've been on one date so who am I to tell him how to live his life? I just have so many thought running through my head.
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I'd say keep reminding yourself of the part in bold for now, at least. That and don't build up your expectations too much.

Even if you keep seeing each other for a while, I don't think you get to ask him to stop doing stuff on cam or expect him to not date other people until you have "the conversation" - that one that goes - "Are we exclusively dating? Only seeing each other, just you and me?"

Good luck.
 
ThreeCrows said:
I'd say keep reminding yourself of the part in bold for now, at least. That and don't build up your expectations too much.
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^^ I agree with that.

You should wait for him to tell you. Because "Best date ever" deserves some credit. You 'll probably be constantly thinking about it, and if you're both going the same way, but we wished all our problems were knowing not the secret intentions of a gorgeous new lover. Keep the information and enjoy the good things. It's not like you could get pregnant or something. Put up together and watch him. Perhaps he doesn't want you to know right now, he might be ashamed or fearful of your reaction. Maybe all he wants is put the clock to zero and starting over.
 
It's all a bit premature, really.

You had one date. Prior to this, you had gotten to know each other. It all went well.

Don't throw all of that away.

Ask him out again. Go have a good time. Don't obsess about what you know.

If this turns into something serious and you both decide to get involved in a relationship, then have a talk about how you both feel about commitment and monogamy. If he doesn't bring it up, then just say, "Look, I don't want to embarass you but after we started going out, I found some pictures of someone that looked like you on a site advertising cam shows. Was that you?"

And probably how he answers will be more important that the answer itself.
 
Yeah, go with the only one date thing.

I'd say this is more about how YOU respond than what he says.

Obviously he's not the one with the problem with the webcam.

Myself, I'd probably bring it up, but then I'd think it was hot and want a performance.
 
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