I don't know what to do now.

[linalool]

I met my current boyfriend on a dating website about 6 months ago and we talked rarely for a while and then he started hitting on me. Since I liked him, I started hitting on him too. So we started dating about 7 weeks ago. It was somekind of holiday that time, he was with his family. He is studying in another city. So our first two dates were fine. After he got back to the city he was studying I paid a visit to him and stayed there for about 3 days. It was great, he always cared about my needs and what I want. Then he couldn't come to my city because of his exams and then when he came, we went to some sort of gay party, and it was all fun too.

Problems started occuring with my second visit. Before I got there, he promised me he wouldn't play his online computer game when I get there. Unfortunately, he did play even for 10 hours per day. I was all disappointed, I tried to let him know about that by not talking to him and going to bed so soon but he never cared. I didn't want to start a fight there. So I came back home. I texted him about those problems and he said we needed to talk on the phone. So I called him, he said he meant he would play less when I was there, and he did even talked to in the bed on the school nights. By the way it takes 5 hours of travel to get to his city. I said you are right, there was game before you met me, and there will be game after we break up. He got so mad about me bringing up the breaking up so he yelled at me about it and said he wanted to hang up, so I said okay and he did. This happened this lunch time. Ever since neither he texted me, nor he called me. I didn't do so. I'm so hesitant to call him. I was planning to go there tomorrow and now I don't know what to do. So I'm asking you for help. What should I do?

If you need any extra information to asses it, you can ask for it

 

[Rolyo85]

Um, how old are you, guys? Cause, you know, MMOs can't really be a problem if he is of an age to be fit to date...

 

[linalool]

I'm 18 he is 22

 

[Rolyo85]

Ugh, well, I don't know what to tell you. I don't think someone who doesn't even live near you, and who is so immature that he would play games instead of spending time with a guy who traveled 5 hours to get to him, is worth anyone's time.

 

[linalool]

Our other interests really match and it's hard to find someone like that. Thus I care about him. I really want things to work just don't know how to make it possible.

 

[Rolyo85]

I assure you your interests also match with a hundreds of thousands of girls. Why not date one then? Because dating someone has surprisingly little to do with shared interests. You will not be talking hobbies while together, you will share your life. And for that, you need chemistry, mutual respect and care that are not based on your mutual interests.

You will find other people. You're 18, and that means college age. Join LGBT groups, gay clubs or whatnot, hell, even hop on Grindr. You will quickly find people you will have more in common with than some far away MMO zombie...

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Linalool,

First of all, welcome to JUB and I hope you will make some new friends over here as well.

I tend to think that you will need to talk with him, and try to make some sort of agreement about the amount of time he will spend playing online games while you are visiting him.

You might also send him an e-mail to explain the situation.

And maybe you should take your time? Maybe right now your relation is developing from a start with alot of love towards a real friendship with a guy, and where it becomes obvious that both of you have a lot of shared interests, but where there are also areas with no shared interest.

I tend to think, based on what you have told me, that he cares for you, and that the same is true for you towards your feelings to him.

Enough for maintaining boyfriends of each other?

In the end, at least towards my opinion, you should keep talking with him. Or take your time, and have some sort of break.

How much would you like to visit him tomorrow? Likely to spend New Years Eve together with him? Maybe propose him that it's better not to meet each other at New Years Eve, but somewhat later?

Well, just some thoughts of a guy who is much older then you.

Best wishes, and feel free to react.

 

[linalool]

I assure you your interests also match with a hundreds of thousands of girls. Why not date one then? Because dating someone has surprisingly little to do with shared interests. You will not be talking hobbies while together, you will share your life. And for that, you need chemistry, mutual respect and care that are not based on your mutual interests.

You will find other people. You're 18, and that means college age. Join LGBT groups, gay clubs or whatnot, hell, even hop on Grindr. You will quickly find people you will have more in common with than some far away MMO zombie...

You are so right but I'm not okay with letting this one go and I do all that stuff but I don't really get to meet the guys I like.

 

[Seasoned]

Go slow and have some mutually established ground rules when you visit each other. A lot of us are addicted or close to being addicted to our electronics. You need to assess the importance he places on you and on your time together. Ask for what you want; pouting and the silent treatment usually are forms of self-punishment.

Don't compromise core needs and wants just to be in a relationship. Good luck to you.

 

[linalool]

hi Linalool,

First of all, welcome to JUB and I hope you will make some new friends over here as well.

I tend to think that you will need to talk with him, and try to make some sort of agreement about the amount of time he will spend playing online games while you are visiting him.

You might also send him an e-mail to explain the situation.

And maybe you should take your time? Maybe right now your relation is developing from a start with alot of love towards a real friendship with a guy, and where it becomes obvious that both of you have a lot of shared interests, but where there are also areas with no shared interest.

I tend to think, based on what you have told me, that he cares for you, and that the same is true for you towards your feelings to him.

Enough for maintaining boyfriends of each other?

In the end, at least towards my opinion, you should keep talking with him. Or take your time, and have some sort of break.

How much would you like to visit him tomorrow? Likely to spend New Years Eve together with him? Maybe propose him that it's better not to meet each other at New Years Eve, but somewhat later?

Well, just some thoughts of a guy who is much older then you.

Best wishes, and feel free to react.

Hi Gonaderma

Thank you for your warm welcome

That kind of agreement sounds reasonable, I will discuss it with him the next time we have a serious talk.

We never sent mails, but I can text him or call him.

Playing game on the computer seems to be only unshared interest so far. He has tried to make me like it but I've never like playing computer games, so it has had no effects.

The caring part keeps us together now I suppose.

I think it's enough so here I am.

I am scared of having a break because I do not think he will ever come back. So now I planning to call him tomorrow if he does not call me tonight. I'm not that patient now and I fear I'll call him tonight.

I want to spend the new years eve with him so much. I don't know when we would meet again if I do not go there tomorrow night.

Thank you for all your advice.