so today i find out that one of my best friends (whom i have deep feelings for...read my other threads to find the back story) is going on a date with a guy he met last night at a party...his coworker sort of set them up...and hes really excited and everything and really likes him. it hurts so bad. the thing that is bothering me the most though is that hes going to confide in me about everything and if things get serious with this other guy hes gonna want him to hang out with us and how am i going to act then? he already knows it sort of bothers me and like i just dont know what im going to do in that situation. if i tell him how i feel things are going to get weird. if i dont, all this anger and sadness and frustration will come out and i know i will be a total ass to this guy. its just so hard. i dont knwo what to do. i need some advice. please be gentle! i just found all this out so im having a hard time right now.
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I don't know what to do.
- Thread starter 1208Rob
- Start date
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
So...what? Does he know you have feelings for him, and he had said he just doesn't feel the same way about you?
Lex
Lex
No i havent told him yet. He thinks i used to have feelings for him and that i don't anymore. Im too afraid to tell him because i think hell freak out and things wont be the same. i just dont know what to say to him when he is telling me everything about it or how he wants him to hang out with us if they get serious. in my head i just feel so angry towards this other guy. i dont even know him. i want to be a good friend and be supportive but at the same time it hurts me so bad.
Dude, you gotta tell him...for your own sanity...honesty is the best policy...i finally learned this the hard way...and if he doesn't feel the same way, you'll know and you can move on 
But I'm sure that everything will work out for you and your friend...
But I'm sure that everything will work out for you and your friend...the thing is i dont think he has feelings for me and i try to move on and i try to like other people, but because he happens to be one of my best friends i see him all the time and we talk for hours and hours about everything on the phone so how can i get over it if im always around it. and i dont want to lose him completely. i would rather have him as a friend than not at all i just dont know how im going to get over him.
i totally had the same situation you faced and for two years i ignored it and went completely insane...i finally admitted my feelings and at the time my friend was just starting to see another person and for three months we went back and forth about our situation. in the end, i must confess that it ruined the friendship i had but a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and i was able to move on- and you know what? a new friendship developed with my friend after everything was out in the open.
you owe it to yourself to be true to your feelings...you have to put yourself first...it took me two years to realize that but once i did, i was so proud of myself and was able to move forward!
i hope this helps you make a decision, i'll be thinking of you...and remember, you have to put yourself first! your friend should realize how lucky he is to have a guy like you in his life
you owe it to yourself to be true to your feelings...you have to put yourself first...it took me two years to realize that but once i did, i was so proud of myself and was able to move forward!
i hope this helps you make a decision, i'll be thinking of you...and remember, you have to put yourself first! your friend should realize how lucky he is to have a guy like you in his life
I hate to say this, but your setting yourself up for pain, and anger by putting yourself in this situation. You love him and your afraid to lose him if you tell him, so you don't. He already told you he will tell you about his new date, but you don't want to hear about it.
You have to decide what YOU want! Neither situation is going to be good for you. You need to get out and socialize and find someone who feels and wants the same things as you! Life is to short my friend to be in a situation you are unwilling to fix, or get out of! There is only one YOU and you can contribute to someone elses life who wants and loves YOU!
You have to decide what YOU want! Neither situation is going to be good for you. You need to get out and socialize and find someone who feels and wants the same things as you! Life is to short my friend to be in a situation you are unwilling to fix, or get out of! There is only one YOU and you can contribute to someone elses life who wants and loves YOU!
But if I do get over him, I'll still have one of the greatest friends I've ever had. I've NEVER had such a strong connection like I do with him. I know he feels the same way. I'm going to wait it out a little bit more...but only a little bit (don't worry I won't take two years)...and I'll see where everything is going...and then when I know the time is right, I'll talk to him. If he is the friend I think he is, he'll understand and it will bring our friendship even closer and we'll work through it...but if he isn't the friend I thought he was than I guess it's not a good frienship anyways and I'll get out of it. I just feel bad because with this anger and sadness i have i feel like i want to see him like this...which is awful because i would never want to see the people i love get sad. it's just so confusing.
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Good advise...........
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
So you have feelings for this guy.
And he doesn't know it.
So he's gonna date someone else.
And you're unhappy about that.
Well, heck. What is he supposed to do, then? Sit around and wait just in case you DO have feelings for him, and might get around to saying so? As things stand now, you're just a friend, so obviously, he's gonna go looking elsewhere. If you want him to look at you as something more than just a friend, you're going to have to say something. And if you can talk for hours and hours about anything, saying "I'm sort of starting to get feelings for you. Is this something I should nip in the bud?" isn't going to destroy that.
And if, as you suspect, he isn't interested in you, then let him go to find himself a partner he CAN love, and you go looking for one for you.
Lex
And he doesn't know it.
So he's gonna date someone else.
And you're unhappy about that.
Well, heck. What is he supposed to do, then? Sit around and wait just in case you DO have feelings for him, and might get around to saying so? As things stand now, you're just a friend, so obviously, he's gonna go looking elsewhere. If you want him to look at you as something more than just a friend, you're going to have to say something. And if you can talk for hours and hours about anything, saying "I'm sort of starting to get feelings for you. Is this something I should nip in the bud?" isn't going to destroy that.
And if, as you suspect, he isn't interested in you, then let him go to find himself a partner he CAN love, and you go looking for one for you.
Lex
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Oh for heaven's sakes, tell him you still have feelings for him.
If he doesn't feel the same, at least he'll understand the basis of your friendship.
If it gets weird and he drops you as a friend, it will help you move on.
But I don't think he will, somehow.
If he doesn't feel the same, at least he'll understand the basis of your friendship.
If it gets weird and he drops you as a friend, it will help you move on.
But I don't think he will, somehow.
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
Good. Keep it light. Ask how his date went. Smile and say "Well, if it doesn't work out, I'm still here, if you're ever interested."
Lex
Lex
texan_slant
Sex God
Tell him or keep wondering for the rest of your life.
If you don't tell him, and you want to maintain your friendship, you have to get it in your head that he isn't available - at the same time, make new friends.
If you don't tell him, and you want to maintain your friendship, you have to get it in your head that he isn't available - at the same time, make new friends.
Alright guys. I talked to him. I sort of have mixed feelings about everything. I wasn't planning on talking to him until sunday, because he and I were supposed to go see Rent at the movies. But last night he told me he couldnt go. So I got pissed (I spent 40 bucks on those tickets) and didnt message him back. I've also sort of been avoiding him all week. He goes to a different school and my best friend who goes to schol with him told me today that he was upset, more like mad that i wasn't talking to him. He was saying to my friend A****n " R****'s not talking to me" and she said "you know why he's not talking to you." She told him it was the Rent thing for one...and he said he knew I was pissed or upset about the other guy thing...and I guess he said he knew I still had feelings for him and that he thought it was really childish of me to not talk to him over a boy...so he called me today and I didnt answer at first cuz I was already on the phone. He left a message saying "hey we need to talk"...
(we'll call him "A" for now)
So, I decided it was now or never so I called him back...
A:"Hello?"
Me:"Hi. whats up?"
A: "Are you mad at me or something?"
Me: I mean I'm kind of annoyed about the Rent thing.
A: I know. Im sorry I cant help it.
and so on.
then I mentioned how A****n told me what he had said that day.
and he said what do you mean?
so I told him what she said.
and I said "I mean, I really did think at one point that I didn't like you like that anymore, but with this whole C*****(other guy) thing, it bothered me and made me upset"
and it was mainly me talking
but he said something like "I want a friend in you. This whole C*****(other guy) thing, who knows how long it's going to last, you know relationships come and go, but friendships last longer."
and I said I know and I agreed. It was just hard because I was trying to get over him. And I told him "I know that you dont feel that way about me and I'm really trying to get it out of my head. Im happy for you that you found someone, but at the same time it's just weird for me. It's also I'm just jealous because you have someone now and I don't (I am lonely!)...
It was just mainly things like that and I told him I was really afraid to talk to him about this because I didnt' want it to be like before where he was uncomfortable to talk to me and or hang out with me...I told him thats the last thing I want. I want him to still talk to me about the things we talk about and call me all the time. I don't want that to change.
And he just kept saying "so are we cool?"
What does that mean??? I mean I'm glad I talked to him, but I just feel like it was mainly me doing the talking and I felt like he didn't say everything that was on his mind, like he wanted to tell me more or someting.
thats why I have mixed feelings about this. But we're hanging out on friday, so maybe I can try to bring it up so we can talk about it in person.
Am I doing the right thing?
I have to accept that he doesn't feel that way about me. But I just don't want to give up. I keep having small hope inside that maybe further down the road things might change. But I told him that I consider him one of my best friends and that I don't want that to change at all.
Aaaah I think I'm just over analyzing this. Maybe it will be a little awkward for now, but I just hope things will get easier and better because I don't plan on not seeing him or hanging out with him all the time...I can't do that!
I just am really lonely and I really want to find someone just even if it's casual dating. It's hard when you're young like me and all your friends are in relationships.
I'm going to a gay club tomorrow night (it's 18+ on thursdays) and one of my good friends is a go go boy there and hes gonna get me in to all the vip rooms and such. I just hope I can meet some new friends there and maybe through those friends I can meet some people to date. I just want to like someone who likes me back for once!
But back to A, was what I did ok?
I need some feedback on everything that I said.
(we'll call him "A" for now)
So, I decided it was now or never so I called him back...
A:"Hello?"
Me:"Hi. whats up?"
A: "Are you mad at me or something?"
Me: I mean I'm kind of annoyed about the Rent thing.
A: I know. Im sorry I cant help it.
and so on.
then I mentioned how A****n told me what he had said that day.
and he said what do you mean?
so I told him what she said.
and I said "I mean, I really did think at one point that I didn't like you like that anymore, but with this whole C*****(other guy) thing, it bothered me and made me upset"
and it was mainly me talking
but he said something like "I want a friend in you. This whole C*****(other guy) thing, who knows how long it's going to last, you know relationships come and go, but friendships last longer."
and I said I know and I agreed. It was just hard because I was trying to get over him. And I told him "I know that you dont feel that way about me and I'm really trying to get it out of my head. Im happy for you that you found someone, but at the same time it's just weird for me. It's also I'm just jealous because you have someone now and I don't (I am lonely!)...
It was just mainly things like that and I told him I was really afraid to talk to him about this because I didnt' want it to be like before where he was uncomfortable to talk to me and or hang out with me...I told him thats the last thing I want. I want him to still talk to me about the things we talk about and call me all the time. I don't want that to change.
And he just kept saying "so are we cool?"
What does that mean??? I mean I'm glad I talked to him, but I just feel like it was mainly me doing the talking and I felt like he didn't say everything that was on his mind, like he wanted to tell me more or someting.
thats why I have mixed feelings about this. But we're hanging out on friday, so maybe I can try to bring it up so we can talk about it in person.
Am I doing the right thing?
I have to accept that he doesn't feel that way about me. But I just don't want to give up. I keep having small hope inside that maybe further down the road things might change. But I told him that I consider him one of my best friends and that I don't want that to change at all.
Aaaah I think I'm just over analyzing this. Maybe it will be a little awkward for now, but I just hope things will get easier and better because I don't plan on not seeing him or hanging out with him all the time...I can't do that!
I just am really lonely and I really want to find someone just even if it's casual dating. It's hard when you're young like me and all your friends are in relationships.
I'm going to a gay club tomorrow night (it's 18+ on thursdays) and one of my good friends is a go go boy there and hes gonna get me in to all the vip rooms and such. I just hope I can meet some new friends there and maybe through those friends I can meet some people to date. I just want to like someone who likes me back for once!
But back to A, was what I did ok?
I need some feedback on everything that I said.
backpacker
fka "vetteboi"
I think you are over analyzing the whole thing. There is always an "X" factor where attraction to another is involved. Both people have to feel it for a physical relationship to work. Your friend has very strong friendship feelings for you, but doesn't have romantic feelings. No matter how much you wish for it, it isn't likely to change.
The good news is that if you accept that he's not the one, all kinds of new possibilities will open up for you. While he's out on a date, you should be on the prowl for guys of your own. Going to the club is a great start. You should also check into gay clubs at your school. Good luck!
The good news is that if you accept that he's not the one, all kinds of new possibilities will open up for you. While he's out on a date, you should be on the prowl for guys of your own. Going to the club is a great start. You should also check into gay clubs at your school. Good luck!