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I don't want to hurt him - please help

F

future_retro

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OK, here's the deal: I have been chatting to a guy on Gaydar for a few weeks and finally we decided to meet on Friday night. Stupidly (very stupidly) I met him without knowing what he looks like. I did ask him for a pic at one point, but he said he'd already sent it. That should have been my warning, but instead of asking him to send it again I just accepted it at face value: maybe he sent it in one of his previous emails (I had just cleared out old messages from my Gaydar inbox and could have accidentally deleted it). Also, I do think there's more to people than looks (within reason). But when we met, he was just... I feel bad saying this... really physically repulsive (to me, anyway). Fat and frankly very unfortunate looking. We had a few drinks and a quick dinner, as planned, then I made my excuses and left. But now he's texting me and is *really* keen. So my question is: what does one do in this kind of situation? I do believe that honesty is the best policy, so perhaps I should just say "Sorry, but I'm just not attracted to you at all." But I also don't want to hurt his feelings. Perhaps some kind of lie, like "I've met someone else" is better? I feel bad and shallow for even asking this but there has to be at least *some* physical attraction, right? Thanks in advance, fellow Jubbers.
 
Just tell him, "Sorry, I don't feel the chemistry connection between us. I don't see a future for us. I'm moving on in dating other people."

This is not a lie. It is what you are doing.
 
There are ways to be honest but not cruel.

Just say, "I'm glad we met. Thank you for a nice evening but there's not really any romantic interest. ". If he presses the issue, say "Nah, there's a guy out there for you but that guy isn't me".
 
Also, there's nothing shallow in wanting a physical interest. Believe it or not, there ARE people who are attracted to almost ANY type of looks, even what you consider fat and repulsive. True, they're fewer than the ones who would go for a ripped athlete type, but still, it's not up to YOU to make a person happy if you can't be attracted to them.

It's also a little sad that someone unattractive would use dating sites and trick people into meeting him without showing them a picture. It speaks for how miserable he must be, and that sucks. But again - neither your fault, nor your responsibility.
 
Nothing to add except that you're a good guy. Good luck with this. He's probably been let down hard in the past and your desire to let him down easy could be misconstrued. I've had that happen to me. Gentle and firm and consistent are my suggestions.
 
Thank you guys for your advice and wisdom - I have followed it, and it has gone OK. I really appreciate the advice - thanks again. :) xx
 
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