I envy all of u who know!

[jmadaf]

Man I get frustrated reading some of these posts on here! I'm so envious of those who have accepted being gay, come out, etc etc. It's become an almost daily thing for me..am I gay, am I not gay, am I gay, am I not gay. I'm pretty sure my thought processes are just due to brainwashing growing up. I feel like dating women, even though I find them attractive, is forcing something. I dread anytime I may have to get sexual. I come up with excuse after excuse to get away, then before I know it I'm beating off to gay porn. I just haven't come to the acceptance of, ok, I can date a guy and have a relationship. I want to date a woman and be sexual with her. I love the company of women, but I'm about up to 100% of all sexual fantasies being gay. I justify it by thinking "I'm not gay, they're just fantasies". Anyhow...just wanted to rant.

you need to find a woman who strap-on fucks It will make it easier, I did.

 

[Smitho]

well...just an update, i have looked in the mirror everyday and told myself, "i am gay". Its something that I feel deep down I know that I probably am. I haven't told anyone, but I feel like if I post it on here, that could be the first step in accepting myself. So, for whoever is reading this and cares one way or the other, this is my first time I have told anyone.....I'm gay

Congratulations, thats a great first step, now keep going. Go at your own pace, don't rush to much, but keep pushing yourself to. It is easy to get stuck and stop. Pretty soon people will envy you, as a happy, balanced gay guy. Believe me the shit on the journey is worth it for the destination.

Good luck

 

[jojo84]

well...just an update, i have looked in the mirror everyday and told myself, "i am gay". Its something that I feel deep down I know that I probably am. I haven't told anyone, but I feel like if I post it on here, that could be the first step in accepting myself. So, for whoever is reading this and cares one way or the other, this is my first time I have told anyone.....I'm gay

I just read through this thread and I identify with your first post 100%. It's really nice to know that I'm not just crazy. I've come really close to accepting it but then I back off and just try to ignore it (even though I'm starting to gawk more freely at the hot guys at the gym).

I told myself that if anyone asked me if I was gay I would say yes, and then I didn't...gah. I want to be free so bad. It's been, like, 13 years of hiding/pretending/denying!

I'll try your mirror technique!

 

[TheOscar]

I've had similar issues (and am still having them). I am not out to anyone at all, either. Sometimes I think of having a boyfriend and it just makes everything seem so awkward if I did. But then I know that if I'm with a woman, I won't ever find them sexually attractive and it's not right to be with them, as much as I may like talking to them.

Give it time. You'll accept it. ^.^

 

[djmigra]

I just read through this thread and I identify with your first post 100%. It's really nice to know that I'm not just crazy. I've come really close to accepting it but then I back off and just try to ignore it (even though I'm starting to gawk more freely at the hot guys at the gym).

I told myself that if anyone asked me if I was gay I would say yes, and then I didn't...gah. I want to be free so bad. It's been, like, 13 years of hiding/pretending/denying!

I'll try your mirror technique!

I've had similar thoughts of saying that if someone asked me too! I've stared at my phone, wondering who I could text just to say, "hey, i'm gay", but never have. Just posted on here. I"m not sure if the mirror technique worked, but just reading the replies to my posts have helped hearing from other people with similar thought and issues.

 

[jojo84]

I've had similar thoughts of saying that if someone asked me too! I've stared at my phone, wondering who I could text just to say, "hey, i'm gay", but never have. Just posted on here. I"m not sure if the mirror technique worked, but just reading the replies to my posts have helped hearing from other people with similar thought and issues.

Yea the mirror thing didn't really work for me either....:|

I was at dinner the other night with good friends and something came up about some random person asking if I was gay (which is fair, haha) and I was so close to coming out to them. SO CLOSE. But I just sat there quietly instead.

Maybe this week. I've been feeling good about it lately. The funny thing is, sometimes I think to myself: "What if I come out and then I'm not gay?" I know it sounds ridiculous. Because it's been something I've fought against for so long, it's like I'm not ready to give up and accept it....like I'm being defeated.

 

[djmigra]

Yea the mirror thing didn't really work for me either....:|

Maybe this week. I've been feeling good about it lately. The funny thing is, sometimes I think to myself: "What if I come out and then I'm not gay?" I know it sounds ridiculous. Because it's been something I've fought against for so long, it's like I'm not ready to give up and accept it....like I'm being defeated.

We're in the exact same boat. What if i'm not gay? I think it's just wishful thinking. I think back to when I was little, I remember thinking certain guys on tv were good looking. When I discovered my dad's porn stash, I was just drooling over the cocks and not the women. Came across some gay porn as sort of an accident, and thought my heart was gonna jump out of my chest. Started beating off furiously and would get WAAAY more excited over gay porn. Got older and would repress all that, started going out with girls but can never perform sexually with them. Just keep thinking I'll eventually find that special one who does it for me. I still find women attractive, but I beat off exclusively to gay porn. I feel like its just a dirty little secret and porn fetish, but I doubt many straight guys beat off to gay porn. I'm like you...I feel like if I just tell someone I'm gay, that might help! Not sure what to do!

 

[NCDogGuy]

he funny thing is, sometimes I think to myself: "What if I come out and then I'm not gay?"

This!!! I know exactly what you are saying. I suspect this is pretty common for those of us who have been deeply closeted to ourselves for a long time.

But I hear you!

Give the mirror thing time. I'm finding it helpful. I've started grinning when I say it because I know it's true.

 

[jojo84]

We're in the exact same boat. What if i'm not gay? I think it's just wishful thinking. I think back to when I was little, I remember thinking certain guys on tv were good looking. When I discovered my dad's porn stash, I was just drooling over the cocks and not the women. Came across some gay porn as sort of an accident, and thought my heart was gonna jump out of my chest. Started beating off furiously and would get WAAAY more excited over gay porn. Got older and would repress all that, started going out with girls but can never perform sexually with them. Just keep thinking I'll eventually find that special one who does it for me. I still find women attractive, but I beat off exclusively to gay porn. I feel like its just a dirty little secret and porn fetish, but I doubt many straight guys beat off to gay porn. I'm like you...I feel like if I just tell someone I'm gay, that might help! Not sure what to do!

haha there must be soooo many people with similar present or past situations like us. I would get so bored trying to get it on with a girl. I could play the part, but my head would wander to everything but what was transpiring directly in front of me.

Is there a reason it's so hard to come out for you?

For me it's a pretty average reason - grew up in a conservative, religious family. I remember being told to change certain traits about myself, like that I had to control my voice better or something (as a kid) because it sounded to girly. But If I'm honest with myself, I know they will love me. I'm not a different person because I come out, I'm a better person because I'm finally being honest with them.

 

[ladude2011]

Hey djmigra, boy do i know how you feel. for so long i felt that i could never be romantic with another man, yet i was jacking off to gay porn and feeling how much men are hot. I did think i could be with a woman relationship wise (even though sexually they dont turn me on), ive actually never been with a woman before in that way, yet ive lied and told others i have. I posted my own thread about how hard it is to admit that im gay to myself, and am now just starting to accept it myself. its a very new thing for me, and im still not comfortable with it yet. anyway, if you ever wanna talk, please feel free to pm me. thanks.

 

[jojo84]

Hey djmigra, boy do i know how you feel. for so long i felt that i could never be romantic with another man, yet i was jacking off to gay porn and feeling how much men are hot. I did think i could be with a woman relationship wise (even though sexually they dont turn me on), ive actually never been with a woman before in that way, yet ive lied and told others i have. I posted my own thread about how hard it is to admit that im gay to myself, and am now just starting to accept it myself. its a very new thing for me, and im still not comfortable with it yet. anyway, if you ever wanna talk, please feel free to pm me. thanks.

+1, I'm down to talk, too. Nice to have support.

 

[nomadicman]

Hey djmigra, boy do i know how you feel. for so long i felt that i could never be romantic with another man, yet i was jacking off to gay porn and feeling how much men are hot. I did think i could be with a woman relationship wise (even though sexually they dont turn me on), ive actually never been with a woman before in that way, yet ive lied and told others i have. I posted my own thread about how hard it is to admit that im gay to myself, and am now just starting to accept it myself. its a very new thing for me, and im still not comfortable with it yet. anyway, if you ever wanna talk, please feel free to pm me. thanks.

Yeah in Los Angeles here too if you wanna talk.
peace