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I feel sick

  • Thread starter Thread starter Redrum
  • Start date Start date
R

Redrum

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I dunno where else to go about my feelings, and I've been browsing around JUB for a long time now, but I rarely post, and I see that you guys are rather helpful.

I just got head from someone from the first time and it was the first thing I've ever done with a guy. I kinda sucked his cock a little but it felt so wierd that I just jacked him while he sucked me. After I came and we were done, I felt so wierd and freaked out. I washed my dick like twice at his place then like 3 times more when I got home, and then washed out my mouth with tooth paste and then listerine at home as well. He lives around my area and we've talked online for a couple of months. I wasn't at all attracted to the guy but I was really horny so I figured what the hell. I wasn't at all nervous when we met and I wasn't nervous when we fooled around. He didn't pressure me at all, I was in control of the situation and he said he would only go as far as I'd like. He's a really nice guy, but he's so much older than me. I just don't know really. I feel really grossed out. Do you think it was because it was my first time? I mean, I'm not freaking out right now, I just feel wierd. It's not that it didn't feel good because boy could he move his tongue. He almost made me blow my load in his mouth before I jerked back. I just don't know what I'm feeling right now. I think I maybe should of waited or something? Until I had a boyfriend or I don't know. I just at the time felt, I'm 18 and I don't forsee myself getting with anyone soon because I'm still in the closet, why not have a little fun for the first time instead of just sitting at home jackin off to porn.:help:

Im sorry for the long post and thank you to anyone who's read this.
 
You seem to be wondering what was wrong with your first experience. The answer is in your post: "I wasn't at all attracted to the guy". Don't let this upset you, just move on. When mutual attraction is there, I'm sure it will be a good experience.
 
Sounds like you might have chosen the wrong guy for your first time.

You say he lives in your area, you talked online for a couple of months, etc., yet you say you were not attracted to this guy and he is much older than you...hello? If you chatted with him online didn't you know he was older? Maybe you just did not want to be with an older man? You were not attracted to him but sounds like he turned you on okay!

Also do not understand why you washed your dick so many times, used Listerine, and brushed your teeth??? (Good hygene however.)

The other question is what do you want from your "date"? Do you just want to hookup or are you looking for more than that? Your only 18, we all start off sometime at some age...some earlier than others. You control what you want and need my friend.

Being in the closet has nothing to do with what you want and need, only in respect that you do not want family, friends, or others to know who you are.

Are you going to college? Does the college have a gay/lesbian support group? Might be worth talking to someone there about your feelings.

I hope you get over these felings and thoughts soon Redum.
 
my first time was with my cousin but my real first time I was also 18 and horny and I let the oldest grossest freak go down on me. I met him through his personal ad and I was living in a city with no other gays or so I thought. It was the worst! I thought I was a ugly freak so best to get it over with. I should have waited cause I actually had my pick of the litter when I went to college several months later. But what's done is done. I am so thankful that there was no online when I was growing up! who knows what would have happened to me! I have a friend who scrubs his dick also after a slutty hook-up. How old was this guy and what did he say to you? didn't you see a pic first? Our dicks sure can lead us down some dark paths!
 
I definitely think part of it was that you weren't attracted to the guy. However, the behavior like washing your mouth out 5 times seems to me to indicate that you're just not completely comfortable with your sexuality. A lot of guys feel "dirty" after having sex with another guy when they still have some hang ups about gay sex (often from upbringing, religion, etc.)
 
I've moved your thread to the coming out and relationship section as I think it is more relevant there.

I know the feeling. Ultimately, I think it is a shame that so many gay guys have their first experience with somebody that they don't know very well. I think that is more the problem than anything here. There was no connection and so it was just sex with no emotion. It doesn't help that you weren't attracted to him but I'm not sure your reaction would have been much different if you were. I'd say the best advice is to learn from this and move on. Find a guy you like and get to know him... then mess around with him.
 
My first sexual "experience" if that's what you wanna call it was terrible. Mostly because it was with a former friend that I was not in the least bit attracted to. Don't get me wrong he was cute but just not my type. I must say things weren't in my favor but it was sort of my fault it happened...
I peeked in his room because he was in there alone and asked him if he needed a hug. He said yeah and I got in the bed with him and gave him a hug. After that we kind of sat there, talking I guess and eventually he tells me to take my pants off. Now I could have said no but something in me made me obey.
We started grinding and kissing and doing stuff that I still to this day can't believe we did and eventually he went down on me for about 10 seconds before I made him stop. After that he tried to ride my dick but I didn't let him...besides for some reason I managed to stick my finger in his ass and boy was it not clean.

I must say that that experience left me sad for about a day or two. I totally regret it but I can't really turn back the hands of time.

Now thank YOU for reading MY long post. ^_^
 
Yea first time is like that. You'll get used to it. Either that or the guy you hook up w/ is not much enjoyable.
 
I still get it from time to time.

You've heard the phrase "coyote ugly" I assume.

There are still times where I get inebriated at a club, bring someone home, only to realise in the morning that they looked A LOT better the evening before.

It's a fact of life. It's in the past, nothing you can do to change it. You can, however, try and prevent it in the future.
 
"Existential vertigo"

If you restrict yourself to people you have some real connection with, whether same age or older, the feeling of "what-am-I-doing!?!?!" is much less unpleasant and disorienting.
 
Thanks everyone for your input. You really are making me feel like I don't have to go through this alone. Yeah, I knew about his age, but I find older dudes attractive but he was a bit past my threshold. Bluedragon, our situations were very similar. I think I should feel better in a few days or so, and I'll take everyones advice and learn from this. I will no longer fool around with anyone I'm not dating. I just feel really guilty because I let this happen, all of this turmoil is through my own fault and stupidity. I've always been the type of person to regret not doing something, I've been so timid and shy and I've let things pass me by, and lately I've been try to grab life by the horns and live like I feel I should. I guess I should think just a bit more before I do some things.
 
Hey Redrum

Wow....that hits home. Basically you can relax. I have to agree 100% with what jockboy01 said in his above post (don't want to quote him...cause I'm tired and I need sleep! Had a bad few weeks. I'll PM yeah later with the details) Needless to say what you experienced and what other first timers usually experience (I know I did) was the guilt of being with another guy (course I never received but that's a story for another day....a long sad story...one that I should have seen coming! but that's not what this is about). Of doing stuff that certain people and organizations would call "dirty", "sinful" and "an unnatural act".

You are a guy. A horny 18 year old guy. There's nothing wrong with that....everybody here can agree (at least the ones who will be honest with you! :) ) that every once in awhile....we (including all guys...even straight ones) think with our pecker. Boy, does he like to get us into trouble huh! :)

anyways...long story short. You had an itch. It needed to be scratched. You did it. Now your left with the feeling of buyer's remorse. (ie you did it...now you left with the is that it? I thought there would be more to it) feeling.

Yes there is more to it. You will know when you have found that person in your life. Cause on that day, the sun could explode and your not going to care as long as your with him!

Seeya on xboxlive!
 
It is completly normal the feelings you had. It was your first time, things will get better with time.
 
Much as I love sex I cannot even imagine myself hooking up with someone who has not become a real friend to me. When friendship deepens, when it becomes something more, when the appropriate next step is physical bonding in sex, I have found that it happens often without words and it is great sex but more than that too. It becomes a wonderful confirmation of the friendship/love that already exists.
 
Yeah, I think as you become more experienced with your sexuality on terms that you're defining and are comfortable with, you'll become less anxious about sexual hook ups because you'll know yourself and what you want better.

It may be because a sexual experience puts you in jeopardy with the closet. It may be because a sexual experience without a relationship is too much for you right now (or ever).

You're not alone and it's not weird. Just do it on terms that are everything that you want and are comfortable with :)
 
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