I Feel Used

[G-Lexington]

Don't start the "I thought she was my friend" routine. It's unbecoming.

Once a relationship begins, that's where the bulk of the spare time is going to be spent. That's just the way it is. I don't care how pinky-friends or BFF you guys are - the "relationship" is going to come first. Don't make Jane choose between you and her boyfriend. Wish her well, tell her you miss her, and hope to catch up with her soon.

...and throw an Oscar party for your single friends.

Lex

 

[G-Lexington]

Then call her on it. "Look, it's great that you and Tom are hitting it off. But it's getting a bit annoying having you set things up and then cancelling. If you can't do something on a particular day, that's totally cool. But it's a bit annoying getting put in the lurch this many times."

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

This is how it usually plays out-
1. Friend starts dating someone
2. Friend gets flaky and is busy or "needs to spend quality time with boyfriend"
-then-
3. Friend breaks up with boyfriend
4. Friend is needy and wants you to comfort them
-or-
3. Friend and boyfriend get married
4. Friend and new husband start family and are always doing things with the kids

Fortunately, there are some people like you volcam who can multitask and don't just need their friends when they're single.

So, the question is how you feel about this friend and whether you're willing to stick around waiting for the breakup or the marriage.

Or whether you want to find a new best friend.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

She has been cancelling a bit too often.

So, do not take her 'planning' seriously. She does not do it and you should not do it either.

Most likely, she likes the idea that you are putting up with all that crap coming from here, if you'll pardon my French, and is simply testing to see, how far can she push her envelope.

Keep on dating and let her do her dating, too.

SC

 

[pocono]

Hi Volcom,

No one has enough good friends. It's not unusual for even best friends to drift apart then come back together as we get older. You need to decided if it's worth the work.

I have just one "best friend." He lives about 2 hours away. As a result, neither of us knows the daily coming and going of the other. If, however, either hits the panic button or when it's truly important... boom we are there. Our clear and unquestioned emotional support for one another is the basis of our friendship... not a common schedule.

Good luck!

 

[rareboy]

Jane has Tom. He is her boyfriend and comes first. Just give her space and go find other things and people to do.

As well, why does it have to be her organizing things? Why don't you throw the party or take her and Tom out for dinner etc.?

I think that Karabulut absolutely nailed it.

 

[Eternaldarkness]

If you know she's the type of person that likes to make promises but do not keep, not a reliable person, and someone who doesn't take you seriously enough, then simply stop having expectations no longer.

You know darn well that things has changed and that she has someone better in her life to spend time with, then you should let her be.

Sometimes when you're in a relationship, often will you need to chose lover over friends. It doesn't mean she's right for doing that, but it is just how things are sometimes. Being selfish and say "Jane no longer wants me" isn't going to help.

I'm sorry I am being rude for calling you selfish, but honestly as harsh as it may sounds, I cannot find a better word to use.

If I was in your place, I would be selfish too because I understand what you are feeling right now. A friend who just simply stop caring for you and leaving you there in the middle of the road with a blank and a question mark on your head. I just hope you understand what I mean, I am not picking on you but simply on the topic. My words are just to help you move on.