I fell like I'm at the lowest point...

[NoStarDies]

I feel like I have reached the lowest point in my life...

I'm 21, still a virgin with both guys and girls, and I can't seem to keep a relationship.

I've only been in 4 relationships in my life...2 were with girls and 2 with guys.
The two with guys were both long distance relationships that fizzled after only a few months. The ones with girls lasted a bit longer but ultimately came to a rough end. I don't know what I am doing wrong. When I do start talking to someone I am starting to like, it never goes anywhere.

I'm not the best looking guy in the world and I know I'm not the thinnest most hung guy in the world. But I try not to let that get me down, but in the end with all the rejection and failed relationships it takes a toll on my self esteem and I feel like I am not good enough for anyone, so then I stay single...and usually I am content with that...until recently.

My parents are seperated/possible divorce on the way, and I really feel the need to be in a relationship...but I don't know why I am feeling that I NEED to be with someone when I am usually fine being single but at the same time I don't want to deal with the rejection and hurt ontop of my already fragile emotional state...

Maybe I just need to find some really cool guys, even just to be a friend...but then again who wants to be friends with someone that is basically a walking emotional wreck?

I'm sorry if this seems so disjointed and nonsenseical...I didn't know where else to go with it and I know there are some people here on JUB that might be able to relate or give some kind words of advice...

You can reply here or you can PM me for my email or messanger names...

Thanks for reading this mess =/

Xoxo Robby

 

[StlKj]

Some big contradictions there, Robby. Your self esteem gets low, so you stay single, which you're typically cool with, except you're not.

First off, you're focusing a little too much on what you're NOT--thin, hung, best looking. That description fits many people who are happily in relationships and happily single. Your self esteem is low because of how YOU choose to feel and talk about yourself. If that is you in your avatar, you are an attractive guy, but what others say won't matter if you are downing yourself.

You've had four "relationships." Two of those were not full relationships where you get to be around each other and really learn who the other person is in order to grow together. Four is not that many, and perhaps you could spend your time better by asking yourself what drew you to those people instead of why you can't keep a relationship going.

Most people your age are not finding the love of their loves at your age. Many of them are getting involved with people, fucking it up, getting hurt or hurting others and just navigating the whole scene just like you are trying to do. The twenties are not usually the time to find true love, and if you just want a relationship for the sake of wanting one, well, they're out there, but that isn't necessarily a good foundation to build a relationship on.

How about remaining single and figuring out how to talk to yourself in such a way that you raise your self esteem instead of lower it. Perhaps talking to a counselor or journaling about your feelings could help. Learn how to be comfortable alone, and then project that confidence and self-knowledge outward so that other people can sense it.

 

[KaraBulut]

Maybe I just need to find some really cool guys, even just to be a friend...but then again who wants to be friends with someone that is basically a walking emotional wreck?

A few years ago, one of my friends decided to see a therapist and work on his negativity and pessimistic outlook.

When I asked him what finally triggered him to get help, he said, "I decided that I wanted to be the guy that I would want to date".

Go back and read through your post. Would you want to date you?

This doesn't have anything to do with your body, or the size of your dick or your past. It has everything to do with that black cloud that you're dragging around with you.

Maybe it's time to put the dating thing on the shelf for a whlie and work on yourself. See your family doctor and talk to him about your depression. Start working out and get into shape. Eat better and start taking better care of your body. Get into therapy. Work on yourself.

In short- work on being the person that you would want to date.

 

[gsdx]

Maybe I just need to find some really cool guys, even just to be a friend

That, my friend, is your best starting point. It has been my experience that people don't find relationships. Relationships find them.

 

[G-Lexington]

Good points all around. And you might make more friends if you weren't giving them all the finger all the time.

Lex

 

[CudDULL]

Maybe I just need to find some really cool guys, even just to be a friend...but then again who wants to be friends with someone that is basically a walking emotional wreck?

We'll you go that right. Don't play the victim and don't put yourself down. Like in a previous post don't think about the things that you aren't. It doesn't matter what you might or might not be, thats not what a relationship is based on, its based on feelings for one another. Don't let outside forces bring you down, who cares if you are a virgin at 21 or haven't had a real relationship. There is a first time for everything and time will come for everyone differently.

 

[rareboy]

The beauty with LDR's is that you don't ever have to risk the possibility that you can't stand to be in the room together.

The crappy thing about them is that they usually go nowhere. People call them relationships but they really aren't.

So. Here's they deal.

Eat less. Move more. Smile at least 20 times each day.

Make a point of being pleasant and polite to everyone at any age. Make small talk. Be a good listener. Build a network of live, not virtual acquaintances.

Don't worry about your parents. They have to sort out their own shit. Be respectful and fair and kind to each of them.

Remember you don't have to carry their baggage.

Now. Back to you. Give up soft drinks and salty snacks and anything with msg. Exercise.

Dress better. Get a good haircut.

Stand up straight.

Get a job you enjoy doing.

Volunteer for some organization.

Stop focusing only on your own problems.

Now.

Don't you feel better already?

 

[TX-Beau]

Don't you feel better already?

....Yes mom.... (grin)

Good advice all of it.

 

[Tizinsane]

I'm a 21 year old virgin (guys and girls), too. Don't feel bad dude. You're definitely not alone....there's alot of us.

 

[NoStarDies]

Thanks guys for all the input and advice...I'm making steps to make myself feel better and feel good.