I have a huge crush and my co-worker

[ohshitohshit]

Ok so I have been out to many of my close friends since this past summer. I started a job right about the same time. There is one guy that works with me who I recently began suspecting may be at the very least be questioning.
I thought he (we can call him Mike) was cute and really easy to get along with when I first met him, but didn't even consider he could possibly be gay. There were a few signs I noticed, but I could point out "gay" traits in the straightest men. Anyhow, Mike was also dating a girl who is very attractive. Even in October or so when another co-worker told me that they suspected he was gay until they found out about his girlfriend, it still didn't cross my mind. This changed when I found out that it was his first girlfriend ever. The kid is just too gorgeous and fun to be around to be 21 and have his first girlfriend ever.
The last couple weeks in particular I began noticing hand gestures, comments, and such that just keep screaming gay gay gay in my head. Since I've known him he pretty much never makes comments about how hot girls are or even talk about his girlfriend. He came in on his off night a couple weeks ago, a little drunk. Right before he left we had this second where we made eye contact for a little while and he said "there are things i like about your face." When he's drunk in general he likes to make a lot of eye contact with me. This is pretty much when I really began to wonder.
Little to my surprise, I found out last week, when he again came in on his off night, that he and his girlfriend weren't together anymore. I asked him what happened and he did not have an answer really. He asked me if it was weird that it was his first gf ever (lasted maybe 5-6 months) and I said no. I decided not to push it and leave the subject there. We hung out this weekend and went out to a bar with a couple of his friends and a couple of my friends. I got a little too drunk, because I was nervous and excited of course, but we had a good time.
Anyhow, I guess I'm not really trying to ask you guys if hes gay because obviously he's the only one who knows for sure. But I've really started to like him a lot lately, especially the fact that he's been right under my nose this whole time pretty much without me thinking about him. I don't want to chase a straight boy, but I feel like there could be enough evidence to try? if that even makes sense. thanks for reading through this long jumble and for any advice

BTW- I am not out at work and am 99% sure he has no idea about me. This is only because everyone I've told has been shocked with a capital S.

 

[Elwood]

Hmm I would tread very very carefully. It is usually not a good idea to date someone you work with. Now with this guy he may be gay he may not, but the thing is if he is, he has not come to terms with it yet, and that can be a very emotional time for some people. So it would make things even worse in my opinion and it could get very messy.

 

[KaraBulut]

It's not a healthy work environment when coworkers are nosing around in each other's personal life.

 

[ohshitohshit]

Thank you for that Elwood, it was helpful. In regard to the job, we are both recent college grads who make 10 bucks an hour working library security. We don't take our jobs for granted, especially in these times, but...

 

[Lube]

What they said, plus:

1. How old are you?

2. How many girlfriends have you had?

3. Are you going to come out at work?

4. Are you expecting him to come out first?

 

[ohshitohshit]

1. 22
2. 3, but none in the last couple years
3. its not at the top of my priority list
4. i am not

 

[IllgetyouHackman]

I don't know what to tell you, except come out. I mean don't expect him to take a leap if you're not.

 

[TX-Beau]

Oh lordy here we go again.

And I mean that.

1. You work with him.

2. He's not gay, or he's not out, and that's in effect the same thing.

3. He doesn't know you're gay. You're half in half out.

4. You have no intention of coming out the rest of the way. Yet, at least.

5. You're hyper-analyzing - always a bad sign. Because if you had real concrete reasons to suspect he's gay, you wouldn't be interpreting his hand gestures.

6. Even if you found out if he was in the closet or not - where do you think this is going?

7. Too late, you're already obsessing about a straight guy.

8. And finally, your post pretty fairly screams that you're behaving on the basis of hope, not evidence.

You want to know how to proceed, we've all heard it before, first you put your cards on the table, tell him YOU'RE gay, and if he then tells you he is, well, you both still work together, and the chance that some salacious gay drama will get one or both of you fired is pretty high.

But the point is, as it always is, that you have no idea what's going on in his head, IF he's in the closet and doesn't want to come out, you wanting him won't change that. IF he's a straight boy and you go into a friendship with him concealing yourself, with a sexual agenda, that's gonna end badly too.

So be his friend by all means, but be honest about yourself. Though I'd advise that you limit your contact with him if you have a big ole, non-reciprocated crush on the guy, whether he's gay or straight.

 

[rareboy]

^ as above.

 

[Audio Tech]

Oh boy, have I been THERE....... It usually ends badly.

Work and romance don't mix. Now, I really was not in a position to come out at the time, so that didn't help. But things are better now. So the rules have changed a bit. The first move is YOURS, but be prepared that it may go very bad.

 

[Lube]

1. 22
2. 3, but none in the last couple years
3. its not at the top of my priority list
4. i am not

So you think nobody suspects even though you haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years? And you're not going to come out at work and you don't expect him to come out first?

What was the question?

 

[trawler69]

Just for the record I worked with my Ex in three Jobs, in two of them as his superior. We never fell out, it never caused any awkwardness and, although we have now parted company it was a mutual understanding and he is still my best mate. So it can work but not necessarily for everybody.

I agree with others though that in your case, for there to be any chance of anything, you need to come out to him and it doesn't need to be done like "I'm Gay" you can just drop it casually into conversation like if you are talking about past girlfriends you could say " I had a couple before I realised I was Gay" or somesuch.