I have herpes and I'm fucked.

[monetlaud]

Hey guys,

New to posting-- been a lurker for years, sucks that this is the nature of my first post.

I'm still quite young (20) and though I would consider myself sexually adventurous I try to protect myself. Recently, after my first time having unprotected-- a bad decision that I made (or may not have made) after trying weed for the first time with a random hookup, I contracted herpes anally.

Not really sure how to go on after... Doctor's are good with explaining the science part but not the life part of STD's...

Just want to ask around for those with experience, how do you live with herpes? Dating? Hooking up? Navigating grindr with a history of an STI (actually I just deleted my grindr) Anything... I just feel really disgusted with myself right now and I'm not really sure how to move on from here. Without explanation, I immediately broke it off with a guy I was seeing for the last few weeks. We weren't sexual, but not only was I having sex with other guys while holding off from him--but I also got herpes while doing it. What a fucking mess....

It doesn't help that the doctor didn't prescribe any anti-virals anymore because it's been 6 days since the first sign of my symptoms and so she said that all I have to do was to wait for it to deal with itself. I just want to be able to take an active part in this situation...

Blah

 

[kallipolis]

http://www.wikihow.com/Live-with-Herpes

 

[KaraBulut]

A surprising number of people have herpes but their infection is dormant, so they have no idea that they are carriers. For most of them, if their immune system is healthy the virus will remain dormant and often non-infectious.

What the physician is probably waiting for is to see whether you're one of the people who will have a single outbreak before the virus goes dormant. If you continue to have outbreaks, then they will likely prescribe an anti-viral to help suppress further outbreaks.

If you're able to get a referral to a specialist- someone who is more gay-friendly and/or is a specialist in infectious diease, then that would be a better option for you.

 

[monetlaud]

Will I have to disclose to any person I meet that I've had/have herpes? Obviously, I won't be having sex right now when I'm having the outbreak. But what about when the virus is just lying dormant in my body? They say transmission rates are low at that point...should transmission be something I should be worried about during non-outbreak periods?

 

[kallipolis]

^The citation that I have posted here answers all your questions....in detail...in your interest read the article.

 

[monetlaud]

This is so painful...I wonder if I should get a second opinion from a different doctor. At any stage in the outbreak won't anti-virals help in some little bit, as opposed to what the doctor said.

If anyone was wondering, I had gone to Planned Parenthood and I figured they'd be fairly gay-friendly, and sex-positive. I regret everything lol.

 

[palemale]

This is so painful...I wonder if I should get a second opinion from a different doctor. At any stage in the outbreak won't anti-virals help in some little bit, as opposed to what the doctor said.

If anyone was wondering, I had gone to Planned Parenthood and I figured they'd be fairly gay-friendly, and sex-positive. I regret everything lol.

Did you get tested for the type of herpes you have? I once got a bad case of hemorrhoids and a small outbreak of shingles on my but, really a little one-square inch patch. When I went to the doctor, he told me I had a lesion on my anus and it looked like herpes. He swabbed it and had it tested. It came back for herpes, but he didn't have the specific test done to see if it was type 1 or 2 (i.e. oral or genital). I went to the infectious disease doctor who had me tested for all sti's, including both types of herpes. I came back negative for both herpes 1 and 2. He said the exposure was probably too recent and I had to wait 3 months to take the test again. I again tested negative for both type 1 and 2. It was late Friday afternoon and I was a bit confused, since the first test was supposed to be the most accurate. My doctor was gone for the weekend. I called the CDC hotline for sexually transmitted infections. When I explained what happened, the woman said that shingles is herpes zoster and that was probably why I tested positive for herpes the first time. She said I could be sure I did not have either herpes 1 or 2. When I spoke to my infectious disease doctor on the following Monday, he told me the same thing. So, make sure you have been tested for the specific type of herpes, and get retested 3 months later.

 

[KaraBulut]

This is so painful...I wonder if I should get a second opinion from a different doctor. At any stage in the outbreak won't anti-virals help in some little bit, as opposed to what the doctor said.

If anyone was wondering, I had gone to Planned Parenthood and I figured they'd be fairly gay-friendly, and sex-positive. I regret everything lol.

Planned Parenthood locations in major cities are very knowledgeable about STIs and many have specific programs for LGBT patients. The CDC guidelines do recommend antiviral therapy for the initial outbreak of genital herpes after tests have been done to confirm that it is herpes simplex type 2 (HSV-2). Many people do not seek treatment after the initial outbreak, so it is common to begin treatment if there are subsequent outbreaks. Many practitioners will prescribe antivirals for gay men who have anal lesions based on the assumption that it is HSV-2 but testing should be done to confirm the diagnosis.

The question is whether cultures or PCR testing was done during the time when you had an active outbreak. You mentioned 6 days but you didn't mention whether your physical exam was done while there were active lesions. You should see an infectious disease physician to confirm the diagnosis and discuss whether you should go on antiviral medications. Not all cases of genital herpes are HSV-2 and not all cases become recurrent infections, so there's more information that is needed before you would be put on oral antiviral therapy.

 

[monetlaud]

Yes, doctor specified that incoming lab results will specify whether it is HSV-1 of HSV-2. Might receive them by this Friday or wait until next week.

Testing was done last saturday during an active outbreak, the blisters had already popped into sore ulcers (sorry for the graphic description). Though I feel as though it is closer to its peak now. Late sunday night, my lymph nodes in the groin area became really tender (though that's improved by around 50% as of writing) and last night the sores got really painful-- even just walking was bothersome as my buttcheeks would rub. The pain is much worse cleaning in the shower/getting wet. I wouldn't wish this experience on my worst enemy :/

Important aspect that I forgot to mention: the infection broke out around my anus so it's been extra difficult to keep the area clean and moist-free. Any pain management/quick healing tips aside from OTC pain meds?

 

[palemale]

Yes, doctor specified that incoming lab results will specify whether it is HSV-1 of HSV-2. Might receive them by this Friday or wait until next week.

Testing was done last saturday during an active outbreak, the blisters had already popped into sore ulcers (sorry for the graphic description). Though I feel as though it is closer to its peak now. Late sunday night, my lymph nodes in the groin area became really tender (though that's improved by around 50% as of writing) and last night the sores got really painful-- even just walking was bothersome as my buttcheeks would rub. The pain is much worse cleaning in the shower/getting wet. I wouldn't wish this experience on my worst enemy :/

Important aspect that I forgot to mention: the infection broke out around my anus so it's been extra difficult to keep the area clean and moist-free. Any pain management/quick healing tips aside from OTC pain meds?

HSV-1 in the genital region, including anus, is on the rise. Let's hope you have HSV-1. Something like 90% of the population is positive for HSV-1 by the age of 40 or 50. Also, if it is HSV-1 below the belt, you are much less likely to get subsequent outbreaks and they are much less likely to be severe. Did the guy you had sex with rim you?

 

[KaraBulut]

Yes, doctor specified that incoming lab results will specify whether it is HSV-1 of HSV-2. Might receive them by this Friday or wait until next week.

The reason that this is important is that HSV-1 isn't adapted for the genitals or perianal area. Most people who get HSV-1 infections in the groin area don't have a recurrence. With that said, most anal HSV infections are likely HSV-2 and those are more likely to be recurrent, although the outbreaks decrease in incidence over time.

Important aspect that I forgot to mention: the infection broke out around my anus so it's been extra difficult to keep the area clean and moist-free. Any pain management/quick healing tips aside from OTC pain meds?

Unfortunately, herpes infections of all types tend to be difficult to manage because the virus has a proclivity for affecting the nerve endings which causes a burning, itching pain. You might try ibuprofen or acetaminophen (paracetamol) to see if that helps. The best way to reduce the pain is to treat the infection with an antiviral, so that's going to be your best option.

 

[monetlaud]

HSV-1 in the genital region, including anus, is on the rise. Let's hope you have HSV-1. Something like 90% of the population is positive for HSV-1 by the age of 40 or 50. Also, if it is HSV-1 below the belt, you are much less likely to get subsequent outbreaks and they are much less likely to be severe. Did the guy you had sex with rim you?

So here's the story..I'd gone to a small party and I only really knew one person and even then he was just an on-off hookup. I tried weed for the first time (which was really irresponsible of me *sigh*) and really lost control of the situation--maybe around 5-6 guys (including myself) ended up having sex. My memory is lapsing and I'm not sure of much of the details but I think I got rimmed? I also got anally fucked about three times-- I made sure there was a condom on the first time but I don't know if I checked or even asked for a condom the following times--I don't even really remember if I asked for those other guys to fuck me.... Gawd this is the worst decision I've made in my life-- but I really don't want to try to make contact with any of those people from the party. I'd very much like to forget that this even happened.


I really hope I didn't catch anything else from this. Along with herpes, I got tested for all other STI's last week (waiting for results) I'm also getting tested for HIV now and then following up three months later :/


Does herpes tend to spread to a large area? I'm not sure if it's getting worse, but right now I have close to 20 sores around the area-- I don't think it started that way but it's not really easy to see the anus to check. Right now though, I have two new rashes developing, further away from my butthole--almost radiating out. Just based on the pictures google provides, mine is looking to be a severe case :/ I have to deal with this now, but my biggest issue is scaring--would it be visible? Really concerned about the social stigma.

 

[KaraBulut]

I really hope I didn't catch anything else from this. Along with herpes, I got tested for all other STI's last week (waiting for results) I'm also getting tested for HIV now and then following up three months later :/

Hopefully Planned Parenthood did a full battery of STI tests on you.

Does herpes tend to spread to a large area? I'm not sure if it's getting worse, but right now I have close to 20 sores around the area-- I don't think it started that way but it's not really easy to see the anus to check. Right now though, I have two new rashes developing, further away from my butthole--almost radiating out.

Let's put this in perspective. The virus that you may have contracted is the same virus that causes cold sores. It's just that this type of HSV causes those "cold sores" around the genitals instead of the mouth. The sores on your anus are much like a cold sore- it will be a miserable breakout then it will heal with little trace of the sore.

For some reason, we consider cold sores on the lips from HSV-1 to be an annoyance but the same type of HSV-2 sores on the genitals are somehow treated as something to feel shameful about.

There is little difference between the two types of HSV. The only difference is in where the sores are and the associations that we have about sex with HSV-2.

So here's the story..really lost control of the situation--maybe around 5-6 guys (including myself) ended up having sex. My memory is lapsing and I'm not sure of much of the details but I think I got rimmed? I also got anally fucked about three times--

What you're describing doesn't sound like marijuana. It sounds more like a party drug. You might want to give some thought to what you were drinking and whether that drink might have gotten out of your sight during the party.

The circumstances don't change what happened but it might give you some perspective on why you are feeling the way that you are feeling. And it might give you some insight as to whether you need to seek counseling to work through this.

 

[monetlaud]

Thank you for the advice. They had an initial counselling/orientation session at Planned Parenthood before I saw the doctor and they informed me about counselling sessions they have available. I've been considering it-- I do feel as though some psychological issues are causing me to act "out of character" and almost "knowingly" engage in unsafe sexual behaviour--its not the first time that I willingly seek out "dangerous" situations in times of stress. Issue is that I am in a really busy moment right now, I am in university and I have so many exams and deadlines in the next sixteen days-- I can barely take the time out of my days to sleep and eat much less to make counselling appointments.

All this stress is also probably exacerbating my HSV symptoms. This is such perfect timing... NOT!!!

 

[palemale]

Thank you for the advice. They had an initial counselling/orientation session at Planned Parenthood before I saw the doctor and they informed me about counselling sessions they have available. I've been considering it-- I do feel as though some psychological issues are causing me to act "out of character" and almost "knowingly" engage in unsafe sexual behaviour--its not the first time that I willingly seek out "dangerous" situations in times of stress. Issue is that I am in a really busy moment right now, I am in university and I have so many exams and deadlines in the next sixteen days-- I can barely take the time out of my days to sleep and eat much less to make counselling appointments.

All this stress is also probably exacerbating my HSV symptoms. This is such perfect timing... NOT!!!

Always use condoms unless you've been tested. However, I believe that condoms do not prevent herpes. Herpes is caused by skin to skin contact. Many children get oral herpes just by kissing. If one of the guys who fucked you was wearing a condom, but had herpes sores in his pelvic region, and was banging against your ass, you would likely still get herpes.

I didn't realize that HSV2 could spread as far as you described.

 

[monetlaud]

I didn't realize that HSV2 could spread as far as you described.

Yes it ended up spreading to quite a large area (On top of the 20 or so spots were two very very very painful sores. Basically the entire rash turned into an open sore because my butt cheeks kept rubbing.) which prompted me to seek a second opinion from a different sexual health clinic. I was FINALLY prescribed valtrex (I'm halfway through a 7 day regimen) and he also suggested polysporin with lidocaine. Obviously I can't know if I naturally just got over the necessary breakout period or if those two things actually helped but basically just one night after applying the polysporin and taking two 1000mg Valtrex pills resulted in a huge relief. And a few days later (right now as we speak) the open sores are healing up quite nicely and barely causing any pain at all. Just as ridiculous it seemed that it spread and worsned that quickly, it's amazing how quickly it's healing up now.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel! My only wish now is that I am part of the 60% of the population who will never suffer a return of the outbreak...

 

[LAPan75]

 

[masculinebottom]

im on the same boat. ive had it for like 4-5 years now. it sucks. but the outbreaks get less painful and from what ive read, supposedly they are less contagious..but it takes alot of years to reach that stage of making it less possible to pass it on. you just have to know what type you have and get on a diet. type 2 is more prone to make you shed(asymptomatic shedding) and type 1 is less prone to doing that and its less contagious. but still contagious

 

[rareboy]

To the OP.

I hope you stop beating yourself up over this.

You don't have to feel disgusted or ashamed or guilty about this.

Viruses are opportunistic. Simple as that. They are part of life. And some are worse than others, but none are a punishment for anything or something that you 'deserve' because you had sex. Even unprotected sex.

So you have the outbreak on your anus and I feel really sorry that you have to endure the discomfort and pain.

But you could just as easily contracted them by mouth to mouth contact...and from someone who didn't know they were passing the virus to you.

I would do as suggested and read up on how to live with herpes...and how to protect your future partners.


And if you think that you are sliding into a pattern of high risk behaviour and don't understand why...definitely get some counselling to help you understand yourself better.

And get some homo friendly counselling to help you come to terms with this so that you move on.

And in the meantime *hug*.