I have no clue what to do....

[TBinGwood]

Well, I got done what I set out to do today.

Lunch was really great. It went better than I thought it would. This is pretty much how it went down:

My friend showed up and walked to the booth that I was sitting at and sat down on the opposite side from me. Our server came over and took his order. We went up through the line (The restaurant is HuHot) and got our food. We talked about some random things while we ate. I decided to wait until we were done eating to tell him the news. I had people texting me not to back out now. All I could do was laugh. At the end of the meal, I looked at my friend in the eye and asked:
“OK , do you have any idea what I wanted to talk to you about?”
“No”
“Have you seen any of the posts that I have put on facebook?”
“No”
“Damn, ok. Well, this is not an easy thing to say. I wanted to tell you this in person because you are my best and closest friend. I couldn’t send you a text, email or message about this. It would have been like I was slapping you in the face.”
“What is it”
I paused for a minute. I was trying to find the right words to say. I sent a friend a text asking him to help me. He told me to say “I have something that I need to tell you. I like Pole………..not your pole, but pole in general.” There was no way in hell I was going to say that.
“Ok dude, I cant think of a great way to say this, so I will just say it. Mitch, I’m gay”
He sat there silent. I thought “fuck fuck fuck, I screwed this up, I shouldn’t have said anything, now he will hate me.”
“I’m glad you told me”
“Really? You don’t care that im gay?”
“Yeah I care, Now I cant say all the gay jokes. It will be strange”
All I could do was laugh. He stood up and so did I. I gave him a hug. Then we went on with our day.

Later I went home with one thing on my mind. Posting my message on FB. I grabbed my laptop and sat in my living room. I opened that file that I made for my coming out. I decided to write everything that I wanted to say on a word document so I would have it ready. I read over it a couple times just to make sure that I had it worded that right way and it made sense and it got my point across. I posted it and then closed the window. I didn’t want to see the reaction right away. When I posted it, there were 10 people online. I just started browsing the net. About 20 minutes later I went back to read what people wrote. The response was great. Here is was I posted:

Ok everyone. I have something that I need to say.

I’m Gay. All the comments that I have been posting were kind of a hit that only a few people caught on too. There it is, it is out there. I’m tired of living the lie. I have to be myself. I’m sorry if you don’t like it. You don’t have to be my friend if you don’t want to. I’m not coming out to make anyone like me or to make anyone hate me. I’m coming out because I’m tired of closet that I live in. I’m tired of hiding who I really am. I have the right to be happy, and damn it I’m going to be.

I have been thinking about doing this for so long. I have been hanging out with a friend from school and his friends. I see how happy he is not hiding who he is, and I want that. I have wanted to be able to walk into a room and not have to hide, but I’m too afraid to say it. Well fuck it, I’m not afraid anymore. If you don’t like it, then you don’t have to stay on my friends list. I will be sorry to see you go if you decide to leave.

Now here is the responses that I got:

“Way to word it tim! I'm happy for u! I bet it feels great not having all that weight on ur shoulders.”

“Yay Tim..I'm happy for ya babe.”

“Congrats, Tim. This is a big step that speaks volumes of your personality”
“Congratulations Tim! ”

“Hey Tim! Congratulations, I bet it feels nice to have it out in the open. It's good to be honest with yourself and to others!”

“Way to go sweetie, you should always be yourself. Enjoy life hun, that's what makes the hard stuff worth it. Love always!”

This one is from my aunt “I am happy for you and glad you are finally happy with who you are. We love you for you and you are great.”

“Good for you Tim!!!! Im Happy that you are going to be able to be honest with yourself and the people around you I couldn't imagine not being able to be who you are. I wish you the best in everything that you do”

Then I got the one that hid me the most. When I posted this, I didn’t think that I would cry. I really didn’t. I didn’t know what to expect from this person when he read it. “Being your father This will take some getting use to but just know as your father I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU for who you are. You deserve to be happy and if you are than that is awsome. I also am putting this out for everyone to see. so you know that I will love as a father should. Love ya son.”

Reading that, brought tears to my eyes. I don’t talk to my dad that much even though he lives 15 minutes away. I never really considered him a real dad. He never was interested in the things that I like. But he loved that things that my brothers did. So I didn’t consider him my dad until now. It took him 21 years and me coming out of the closet from him to say and show that loves me and supports me.

Im still waiting the response from some people. As of right now I don’t know what my mom thinks. Nobody has left my friends list. I will let you know more tomorrow. Here is my facebook page. facebook.com/profile.php?id=1248934732 Just add the www. to it. add me if you want. This is a start of my new life and I would be glad and honored to have you all part of it.

 

[TimWhite07]

Congratz dude. Zach and I are really happy for you. I hope that you mom will take the news well. Im so Glad that your coming out is going so well. Take care and talk to you later.

 

[Lube]

Geez, Tim, do you really need to make me cry? I'm bawling my eyes out. That was very sweet, what people said to you, especially your dad.



Welcome to the Out side.

 

[TBinGwood]

It made me cry to. And thanks. I like the outside world. I'm so much happier. Now im going to start looking for someone that i can be happy with. Going to The Max on saturday.

 

[Willie Boy]

I have been reading These for a while. I just never thought I would be posting and asking for help.

I know that I'm gay. I'm happy to be gay. I wouldnt cange it for anything in the world.

My problem is that I cant come out. I have tried so many times, but at the last second, i stop. I want to tell my friends, my family, my co-workers. I dont try and hide who i am. I am who i am, and i dont think that i should act different. But when someone asks me if i am, i cant find the courage to actually say "Yes, I'm Gay." I dont know why.

If the people cant tell, then they are blind. I dont mean that in a bad why.

I'm sure that my mom knows. She has caught me looking at guys before, but she has never said anything. I still live with her, i help take care of her becuase she cant really take care of her self. I guess that i am scared of what will happen. What if i tell her and she kicks me out. I cant afford a place on my own. Not where i work. So i think that when i do decide to tell her, i will do it when i move out.

With telling my friends. Im not sure how they feel about gay guys. They are the ones that i will be getting a house with. So what if i tell them and they hate me after. Then im in the same boat as before. I guess i will never know what will happen until it happens.

What do you think i should do? There is a guy that i work with that gay and out. We talk alot and i would say ok friends.

Another reason that im scared to come out is im not comfortable with myself. I cant say that i think im HOT. i dont think that im ugly. I know that im not skinny. And i know why. I am trying to find a way to work on it. So maybe when or if that happens, i can be comfortable with myself.



I want to thank you all for reading this a letting me get this off my chest.
And i want to say thank you in advance for an advice that you have.

I would say most of your friends/family/co-workers already know, but sense your discomfort with publicly acknowledging it and therefore don't push the matter. I would also suggest that the issue you have with your appearance (it seems you were hinting at possibly being a little overweight? ) may be wrapped up in the stress you are putting on yourself over "coming out". This doesn't have to be a big production with fanfares and whatnot (aka "I'm here, I'm queer, get over it" ), in fact that way of doing things tends to be counterproductive. All you really have to do is simply state the facts ( "I'm gay" and answer any questions you feel comfortable with) You can start with one person (your Mom, most likely), or a group (co-workers). The point is to do it when you are ready, and at the speed you feel comfortable. Don't apologize for it, you are who you are. Anyone worth keeping as a friend will accept you, although it may take them some time to get over any lies you may have told them. Remember trust is a two way street, they trust you and may be disappointed that you felt you couldn't trust them. The best solution is to communicate if that happens, and give them time to work through it.

I hope this helps. Sorry if it seems like a lot of information.

 

[TBinGwood]

Willie a little late to be party, but better late then never. I came out already and im so happy that i did. It is a little accord right now at home. My mom hasnt said much to me. She just came up stairs with her bible in her arms. I just went to my room. I wasnt going to listen to her quote the bible again.

And Bad, thanks.

 

[rareboy]

Well done.

On with the rest of your life.

 

[Willie Boy]

Willie a little late to be party, but better late then never. I came out already and im so happy that i did. It is a little accord right now at home. My mom hasnt said much to me. She just came up stairs with her bible in her arms. I just went to my room. I wasnt going to listen to her quote the bible again.

And Bad, thanks.

Sorry, I didn't realize that.

But I'm glad you were able to come out. Sad to hear it isn't going as well as hoped for on the home front. Its sad that, while it teaches love and forgiveness, the Bible has been corrupted by religious leaders for their own agenda. And well meaning believers get caught in the middle. Just keep loving your Mom and in time she'll come to understand.

 

[TBinGwood]

Its no problem Willie, i was giving you a hard time.

Things at home are going as good as i expected right now. I knew that it would be hard for my mom. I knew there was no way that she would be fine with it the moment she foudn out. So im just going to wait until she is ready to talk. I dont see the point in forceing the subject until she is ready to talk. If it does take to long, yeah i will say something.

And yes from the other post you made you said that the issue with my apperance is that im a little overweight. Yeah, and i working on it. I know that reason for it. When i got out of my first relationship i was really depressed and i stop doing anything. I started dinking alot more soda. It is discusting, but i could down an entire 12 pack a day. So i know why i have the extra bagage. I stopped drink soda begining of last month and have lost about 10 pounds. As soon as it stops all this raining here, im going to going on long bike rides in addtion to the other exercises that im doing.

I do not consider myself a cathlic, christian, or anything. Growing up the "Word of God" was forced down my thaot. Dont do that, its a sin. Dont do this, its a sin. I dont care. I live the way i want to and if God has a problem with that, then i guess im going to hell. Every time my mom pulls out her bible, it is because someone she knows did something or said something that she didnt like so she has to quote the bible to make you see the right way to do things. I wont listen to it anymore.

 

[G-Lexington]

Do keep working on things. But make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Working out and losing weight is great, so long as you're doing it for you. If you think nobody's gonna date you unless you drop that spare tire, I can guarantee you that you'll find something else wrong once you do lose that weight. You'll need a better haircut, and a new wardrobe, and a better paying job. Keep working on loving and accepting you. Because by doing so, you'll show you're worth loving. And other people start falling into line after you.

Lex

 

[TBinGwood]

I know that, and that is not the reason that i want to lose the weight. It is a reminder of the lie that i was living for so long and i want it gone. With the amount that i have lost so far, i feel so much better. So i guess im doing it to make me feel better. And yeah, about myself, but that is not the only reason.

I talked to my mom two days ago. I would have posted this yesturday, but i was out with friends and at the club last night. So, i walked out of my room and sat done on the couch. I was texting like always. My mom turned in her chair and looked at me.

"So i read your post on Facebook."
"OK, and?"
"I read it last night, and i couldnt think of anything to say. I saw what your dad wrote. And I was trying to think of something as great to say as him, but i couldnt. The only thing that i thought was "About Damn Time". I have known since you were 7 or 8 that you were gay. I guess that I hoped that i was wrong, but i knew"
"WOW, rude"
"What?"
"About damn Time..... That is jsut rude. And you let me live that way? That lie? You saw how depressed i have been the last couple months. I was getting ready to ask you if you could take me to a Theropist."
"Yeah i did see it, but i didnt want to "out" you. I wanted you to be the one to tell me. I wish you would have done it in person, but the way you did it was still great. And im happy about all the great responses that you have gotten. I thought your dad was going to flip out."

The conversation went on like that few 2 hours. She asked me alot of questions that i wasnt able to answer, from embarassment. There are just some things that you do not tell your mom. lol.

 

[Audio Tech]

I talked to my mom two days ago. I would have posted this yesturday, but i was out with friends and at the club last night. So, i walked out of my room and sat done on the couch. I was texting like always. My mom turned in her chair and looked at me.

"So i read your post on Facebook."
"OK, and?"
"I read it last night, and i couldnt think of anything to say. I saw what your dad wrote. And I was trying to think of something as great to say as him, but i couldnt. The only thing that i thought was "About Damn Time". I have known since you were 7 or 8 that you were gay. I guess that I hoped that i was wrong, but i knew"
"WOW, rude"
"What?"
"About damn Time..... That is jsut rude. And you let me live that way? That lie? You saw how depressed i have been the last couple months. I was getting ready to ask you if you could take me to a Theropist."
"Yeah i did see it, but i didnt want to "out" you. I wanted you to be the one to tell me. I wish you would have done it in person, but the way you did it was still great. And im happy about all the great responses that you have gotten. I thought your dad was going to flip out."

The conversation went on like that few 2 hours. She asked me alot of questions that i wasnt able to answer, from embarassment. There are just some things that you do not tell your mom. lol.

Wow! Isn't that interesting.....

I came out VERY late in my life, as I posted here.
I thought I would be dis-owned, etc. Also grew up catholic and absolutely terrified.

In the end, my Mom sort of reacted the same way. "Why did you wait so long?", "You could have saved yourself so much pain." And so on.

I have read a few bad coming out stories, but overall, Mom's can really surprise us.
I think Mom's rock!

Congrats to you!

 

[Lube]

The conversation went on like that few 2 hours. She asked me alot of questions that i wasnt able to answer, from embarassment. There are just some things that you do not tell your mom. lol.

Ha ha! Very touching.

So was she the one you were waiting to hear from? If so, that's great news. Maybe she didn't do it the way your father did, but she did it in her own way. She needed some closure--some answers to questions. And, yeah, you don't need to answer all the questions from your mom or anyone else, for that matter.

Just answer enough to let her know you know what you're doing, you know how to be safe and sane.

Good luck!

 

[G-Lexington]

I don't think your mom was rude. She saw that you were probably gay, but you weren't ready to tell anybody yet. She intuited that this was a journey that you would have to take on your own, as painful as it may have been. Just be happy that she's become accepting of it, and that that's one more hurdle you don't have to deal with anymore.

Lex

 

[TBinGwood]

Oh i know she wasnt rude. You had to be there for the Convo. We were both laughing about it. I guess you do need to know me to understand that things i say.

 

[TBinGwood]

Things have been going great up until now.

Everyone is still very suportive and everyone is still my friend.

I have been talking to a guy that lives 2 hours away. We were planning on meeting next weekend. He was going to drive here. I was so excited. We had been texting, he asked what i would say if he asked me out while he was here. I told him that i would probably say yes. I was so happy last night that i really couldnt sleep. Today we were texting and he just told me that he is going to texas and that he might not be coming back. I know it was never offical, we were not tectnically dating yet, but i still feel like i lost my boyfriend. Just from us emailing and texting, he seemed amazing. We had alot in common. Now it feels like my heart is broken.

I would offer to let him live with me, but i still live at home and dont think that i can afford even a split rent right now.

It really hurts.

 

[rareboy]

Get out there and meet actual guys face to face.