I have to get this off my chest.

[Dukeguy06]

I'm new to this forum so Hello to all.

Now that is out of the way I can start. Well, I live in North Carolina, USA. If you know where that is at you know I live in a conservative area where being gay/bi is looked down on. My family are very big church people, and think being gay/bi would send someone straight to hell. Anywho, I'm so unhappy. I tried so hard to push the part of me that likes guys to the side. But no matter what I do I still can't find happiness. I don't think I ever will, because the only way I could find happiness is to pack up and move far away from my family, and that is something I couldn't do. I really wish I could get rid of the part of me that likes guy but I can't. I prayed to God for years to take it away but it never went away. I'm so unhappy and wish I could just be me, but like I said I can't do that. I would have to leave my family and friends(note all my friends are from my church so yea).

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

Josh

 

[NineOfClubs]

I understand what you're saying.

All I can say is, give this site a bit of time.

You'll find there are a lot of guys from the South, and other places, who know what you mean.

You'll find guys to talk to here. Trust me.

 

[KaraBulut]

Larger cities are full of guys like you- guys from smaller rural areas who left because they couldn't find acceptance or openness where they grew up.

While it is a scary thing to ponder- leaving behind your friends and family and moving to a place where you don't know many people, there are thousands of people who do it for work or for love, so you'll find lots of friends that you have a lot in common with.

North Carolina is not that big of a place and there are at least 3 very gay-friendly (or at least gay tolerant) areas. And there's hope- in spite of some legacy bigots and religious conservatism, the state's emphasis on improving education is beginning to change it into a more tolerant place to be.

So, if you move to one of the urban areas, you'll never be far from home. You'll also find gay friendly churches in these cities. And over time, you may find more acceptance if you decide to come out to your friends and family.

 

[rareboy]

because the only way I could find happiness is to pack up and move far away from my family, and that is something I couldn't do.

So you know how to be happy.

Get on with it.

Stop wasting time only thinking and talking about waht you can't do.

Do.

 

[Inevitable2012]

I'm from a worse part, Birmingham, AL.... I know how you feel Duke...

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I prayed to God for years to take it away but it never went away.

God doesn't fix what isn't wrong.

I oft compared your situation to living in a house built for small people. Like REALLY small people. Three feet tall. So you're squeezing yourself into the shower, and banging your head on doorframes, and curling up into a tiny bed each night. And you're there, crying yourself to sleep, thinking "life would be fine if only I wasn't so tall".

Your problem isn't that you're tall.
It's that you're tall and in the wrong house.

So you've got a couple options, none of them easy (or you would've done it by now).

You could suck it up, and keep living in that tiny house.
You could start making changes to the house to make it more comfortable for you.
Or you could move out.

You've tried the first. It ain't working too well.

The second involves coming out, but staying put. And you MIGHT be able to make that work. But you'll probably have to put up with a lot of grief.

The third means moving some place better. It doesn't have to be San Francisco - there are plenty of open and accepting places on the eastern seaboard. Yes, it means leaving the family behind - at least physically. And that can be terrifying AND painful. But I have a feeling it'll be the best thing you can do for yourself.

Lex

 

[conrad]

To the OP I would say: continue to talk to your family. And, do continue to study the Christian faith they too profess. You might start where Jesus starts with the young man who really wanted to know the way to have the real life.

Jesus put it simply: Love your God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and, love your neighbor as you love yourself. Note there is no hint that if you neighbor happens to be male you are not to love him. The love commandment is inclusive and never exclusive. Jesus even urges that we love our enemies!

Read Paul's familiar chapter on love. (I Corinthians 13). You will find lots to discuss but make sure you do not throw in the idea that a gay could be a loving and lovable person; they, as you describe them and the church you belong to, are not yet ready for that. If you love your family you will have to be sure to be patient in your love.

I also grew up in a community and church which was not far from what you describe. Yet, I did note that when a young man in the congregation who had married was suddenly divorced by his wife minds were changed. Billy was a great guy but he just could not be a good husband because Billy was what we today would call gay. The folks in my church (I am sure there were exceptions) went right on loving Billy and in the process opened themselves to accepting other persons who might otherwise have been shunned.

Change does not always come as fast as we might like. You, perhaps, would be wise not to "out" yourself to your family and community, but the teachings of Jesus and of his followers are a gold mine of resources for you to keep the ties that you have with your family and the Christian faith community strong.

There are communities of Christian faith where persons of differing sexual orientation are not merely tolerated but affirmed as persons just as they are. Don't give up. Keep the Faith! Change comes slowly, but change is happening in lots of unexpected places.

 

[hotb0d]

You are welcome. Come and get things off your chest whenever you want. There's enough open arms on this forum to go around