I just barebacked... am I "fucked"?

[purple22]

My boyfriend of six months was tested right before we started dating and doesn't have anything. I had never had sex before him.

We just had bareback sex - he topped me and came in my ass.

Should I be worried at all? We've said we're going to go get tested together just to make extra sure neither of us had anything, but I'm still anxious. I know there's really no chance of me having caught any STD from him, but just the idea of having caught something is scary.

There seems to be the opinion floating around that bareback = bad. Is this true? Or is it only if you're having unsafe promiscuous sex? Is barebacking in a committed, trusting relationship okay? Thanks, everyone!

 

[XLeatherX]

If he's negative and STD free like the test says you're fine.

Barebacking is fine in a trusted/monogamous relationship where neither partner has sex with other people and nobody cheats.

 

[bluedragon4]

Don't beat yourself up. Not every encounter should give you something to worry about. I also waited till I was 19 and had sex 6 months in. It was beautiful and I trusted him. You just need to really know your partner. I had bareback sex in my last relationship which was over 4 and a half years. I think you should be able to do that if you are in a loving,monogamous relationship. Don't freak out even though it's our first reaction as gay men to do so. enjoy it and him.

 

[FabFairy]

Bareback in itself isn't bad but unfortunately humans are in added to the mix and they have been known to not be as truthful as they should be.

Whatever you choose it is a personal call and how much you trust your partner. Judging by concerns you have now perhaps it wasn't the wisest thing to do.

If you practice bareback then you need to know your partner and all his vices including his sexual history and a 6 month relationship isn't enough to know it all.

Is barebacking in a committed, trusting relationship okay? I would say yes but there is alot to consider before making a committment. What your asking is a loaded question because when it is all said and done it depend on how well you investigated his pass activities.

 

[DeMan06]

ok... so, if the timeline i'm reading is correct (days are approximate).

BF tested June 1st, you guys started dating June 1st, you guys had BB sex December 7th....

Depending on which STD you're talking about you're OK (safe) or not....

HIV specifically, you're NOT, here's why:

HIV can take 6 weeks to 3 months to be detected; the 3 month marker is somewhere around a 99.9% detection rate, in rare cases it can take up to 6 months to be detected. With that consideration.....

If he caught anything (specifically HIV) from March 1st to June 1st it may not have been detected in his test (technically you can go back further than that to the 6 month marker, which would be December 1st, 2006, but some would consider that overkill)...

Also, keep in mind that tests ARE NOT 100% accurate, they're more along the lines of 99.7% accurate (depending on the test).

Also, statistically speaking you aren't likely to catch HIV from a single occurrence. Realistically, it only takes one time :/

the generally accepted "recommended" minimum testing schedule is at the 3 and 6 month markers, then you're pretty safe (assuming you're monogamous ).

Either way, I would recommend abstaining from BB sex until you BOTH have been tested, and then re-tested (since you're at the 6 month mark already you just need 2 separate tests, they don't need to be 3 months apart)

 

[Daximus]

Is barebacking in a committed, trusting relationship okay? Thanks, everyone!

Yes it is and you're fine.

 

[AdmiraalW238]

...

Also, statistically speaking you aren't likely to catch HIV from a single occurrence. Realistically, it only takes one time :/

the generally accepted "recommended" minimum testing schedule is at the 3 and 6 month markers, then you're pretty safe (assuming you're monogamous ).

Either way, I would recommend abstaining from BB sex until you BOTH have been tested, and then re-tested (since you're at the 6 month mark already you just need 2 separate tests, they don't need to be 3 months apart)

To certain extent you are correct.

In Australia we had a campaign for just such a thing...it was the TALK - TEST - TALK - TEST - TRUST.

This basically stood for talking about it first...and during this time you play safe...then get tested at the three month marker...you talk about going bareback again then test at the six month marker...all the time having played safe...once both tests come back negative it comes down to a trust issue in that within the relationship you bareback but if you 'stray' or play away then you ALWAYS play safe. The talk test talk test trust would even apply if one of the people had never had sex with anyone else before.

Getting HIV from just one encounter is plausible...if I were this person I would a) consider getting a test for peace of mind; b) play safe until they have both tested at the three and six month marker...even though the other person had tested negative prior to them having sex this means nothing as they both need to start the testing process at the same time.

 

[3nipples]

My boyfriend of six months was tested right before we started dating and doesn't have anything. I had never had sex before him.

We just had bareback sex - he topped me and came in my ass.

Should I be worried at all? We've said we're going to go get tested together just to make extra sure neither of us had anything, but I'm still anxious. I know there's really no chance of me having caught any STD from him, but just the idea of having caught something is scary.

There seems to be the opinion floating around that bareback = bad. Is this true? Or is it only if you're having unsafe promiscuous sex? Is barebacking in a committed, trusting relationship okay? Thanks, everyone!

Am I reading this right? Your boyfriend was tested 6 months ago, before (or on the eve of) you two getting together, and the test showed that he was not HIV +.

Since HIV doesn't show up immediately in the tests, but only after a few months (typically 3-6), he could have contracted HIV 7 months ago without knowing it, because the test he took wouldn't have shown it at the time.

Now in this scenario, if indeed he hasn't been tested since then (like within the last 3 months), you would now be letting someone who unknowingly is HIV + be barebacking you.

Now I'm not trying to panic you, because the worst case is statistically not all that likely, but if my math matches your reality, then you've been terribly foolish. Add to it your statement that the two of you are planning to get tested together after you have barebacked and not before, then I just have to shake my head.

 

[bluedragon4]

Am I reading this right? Your boyfriend was tested 6 months ago, before (or on the eve of) you two getting together, and the test showed that he was not HIV +.

Since HIV doesn't show up immediately in the tests, but only after a few months (typically 3-6), he could have contracted HIV 7 months ago without knowing it, because the test he took wouldn't have shown it at the time.

Now in this scenario, if indeed he hasn't been tested since then (like within the last 3 months), you would now be letting someone who unknowingly is HIV + be barebacking you.

Now I'm not trying to panic you, because the worst case is statistically not all that likely, but if my math matches your reality, then you've been terribly foolish. Add to it your statement that the two of you are planning to get tested together after you have barebacked and not before, then I just have to shake my head.

I think you are reading it wrong. Where does it say he tested pos? Your comment is a lot of what if's. My bf and I were never tested together nor did he ever get a test in his life. Unless you are letting a lot of strangers bareback you than is it really that necessary? Not everyone is a barebacking whore or a whore. it's good to think about it but don't drive yourself nuts about it like some guys on here do. How many guys post something stupid like they made out with someone and is worried they have it or they touched a dick and now they think they are infected? Just know your partner.

 

[Telstra]

Why take a risk?

Just ware a hard hat at a building site next time.

 

[drhladnjak]

As others have said above you're probably ok, but why not use this as the kick in the pants you both obviously need to make an appointment with your doctor or the public health clinic or wherever to get tested?

 

[purple22]

Thanks for your advice, guys. As I understand it, my boyfriend hadn't had sex in 2-3 months before getting tested....

In any case, what's done is done. Yes, I know it was foolish. No, I'm not planning on doing it again anytime soon. And yes, my boyfriend and I are both going to get tested this week. Thanks all.

 

[bluedragon4]

That is absolutely not true. It is only true if you both have been tested a minimum of 3 months from your last possible exposure. Like 3nipples said, it sounds like that may not be the case. This does not mean either of you are infected, it means simply that your partner can't be sure. Read on.



The sentiment is basically on, but the fact remains that just because Bluedragon dodged the bullet, you have to be careful and accurate with your historys, tests, and trust.

Before barebacking, both partners should be tested at least 3 months from the last possible exposure (READ: last new partner.)

There are a lot of STD's out there and most of them do not require intercourse for transmission. Some also can be transmitted even with condoms, just by skin to skin contact. To further complicate matters, many STD's show no symptoms in men in the early months, so you both may have no idea one of you is carrying.

While it sounds like you are probably safe, you have taken a pretty big risk. Both you and your partner should get tested for everything, not just HIV, pronto. Get the hepatitis vaccines while you're at it. If your BF has been monogamous, this test should be conclusive based on your math. If you've ever even fooled around with someone before this, you should get a full range test so that you know, instead of having to guess.

If, and only if, you know for a fact that you both have been fully tested, after the appropriate amount of time, and you are both completely monogamous, then, by all means, fuck your brains out. But, it sounds like you don't know that yet.

I didn't dodge a bullet. I just knew who I was sleeping with.

 

[jockboy01]

I didn't dodge a bullet. I just knew who I was sleeping with.

Kind of you did and kind of you didn't. You knew him... obviously you trusted him. And it probably worked out. But you can't possibly be certain since he never was tested. And there are ways (like drug use) to get HIV other than barebacking. So the point is simply that to be sure, you need the test. I'm all about trust... but not when it comes to MY health. Any bf that refuses to get tested will be stuck wearing a condom... period. I have no problem with guy asking for my results and I don't take it personally. No rational adult should.

 

[tommyj]

Kind of you did and kind of you didn't. You knew him... obviously you trusted him. And it probably worked out. But you can't possibly be certain since he never was tested. And there are ways (like drug use) to get HIV other than barebacking. So the point is simply that to be sure, you need the test. I'm all about trust... but not when it comes to MY health. Any bf that refuses to get tested will be stuck wearing a condom... period. I have no problem with guy asking for my results and I don't take it personally. No rational adult should.

Jockboy, I'm so sure a lot of these issues would be resolved with the OraSure test. It is only 20 minutes and both can do it with saliva as they are downing beers. I dont understand why that test is not in circulation more?

 

[daedal]

What is it about people being scared and scaring others all the time.

After all sex is sex, yes you have to be careful and yes it can be risky. However providing you take basic precautions you should be fine.

Nothing is 100% safe, not having tests or anything can keep you safe.

If in this case the b/f was tested before going into a relationship and they have been in a relationship for 6 months before having sex, then surely he has done the sensible actions, by waiting before sex.

It seems to be a "gay" thing scaring people. Hetrosexual people have sex after being with someone for a few months, and you don't see all the scaremongers coming out and shouting you are at risk, they are more likely to say well done for waiting.

We should not be scared to live our lives, and part of that generally includes having sex with our long time partners, and being with someone 6 months before having sex is taking a precaution, one of many, but its more than the majority of people tend to do. So rather than trying to scare people, we should congratulate the ones that take precautions.

 

[drhladnjak]

I (mostly) agree with what O2 just wrote above, but wanted to expound a bit more myself...

We all need to know the risks of what we do sexually. Ignorance of this stuff is how guys get into trouble. Sure, HIV is not the death sentence it once was, but it's no picnic.

From a recent study:

An American diagnosed with the AIDS virus can expect to live for about 24 years on average, and the cost of health care over those two-plus decades is more than $600,000, new research indicates.

Expecting to live 24 years (up from 7 in the early 90s) is still quite a bit shorter than somebody without the virus. Not to mention the drug side effects, the costs to yourself and society (on average about $25K/year in treatment and drug costs) and so on.

There are quite a lot of people out there who contracted HIV from a partner they just believed (i.e., hoped) was negative. Many boyfriends fuck around on the side. Many boyfriends contracted the virus before entering into a now monogamous relationship.

HIV should scare everybody at least just a little bit, because it's a serious health issue. Plenty of guys have died or are living with a life threatening disease that will quite possibly reduce the quality of and possibly shorten their lives. That said, the important thing to do is get educated, minimize risk to a level that works for you and get over that fear.

 

[jockboy01]

Jockboy, I'm so sure a lot of these issues would be resolved with the OraSure test. It is only 20 minutes and both can do it with saliva as they are downing beers. I dont understand why that test is not in circulation more?

I'd have to do more research to be honest. I would imagine it was taken off market due to accuracy problems. But that is just a guess.

 

[3nipples]

^^ possibly because such a test would propagate false assurances, since it would still only provide results valid several months back...

 

[daedal]

The accuracy of the OraSure® HIV-1 oral specimen test is lower than that of blood. It has been demonstrated to range from 97.7% in high risk subjects to 99.6% in low risk populations.

Apparantly doctors and clinics in america sell the kits, but not being american I can't vouch for that. In the UK OraSure is not available. The sale of HIV test kits that provide instant results (as a pregnancy test might) for use at home is currently banned in the UK. There is a postal home testing kit in the UK though.