I just came out of the closet to my best friend! What will happen?

[locksmithers]

I have this straight best friend (yeah, one of those, haha) from high school. We were good friends for 4 years and of course I would lie if I said I didn't love/lust for him.

During the last semester of high school, I knew that we were going to be separated. He'll move out of the city and I'll stay where I am. He's indifferent about the whole thing. Hormones raged inside me and I became possessive. I did all his homework, I bought lunch for him, I bought movie tickets, etc. I even bought him an iPod. Why? In hopes of him becoming grateful to me. Of course I now know that that's not the right thing to do. But with love, you don't think straight.

Unfortunately, the more I gave him, the more uncomfortable he got, the bigger the gap I created. Graduation happened and he didn't attend because of some seminar. During the 4 month interim/vacation before college, he didn't call me at all. It's most likely because he got uncomfortable with all the stuff I gave him. What hurt was that he talked to our other classmates but he never bothered to call me.

During the last week before he went to college, what I did was buy him a shitload of college necessities and dropped it off outside his house. Yeah, I know, stupid, right? The next day those things were dropped outside my house--he returned it. But he didn't call.

2 years passed and he still hasn't called. He calls our other classmates, but he never bothers to call me.




Anyway, I couldn't sleep last night so I started reminiscing about our good old days. I suddenly had an epiphany and decided to write him a letter saying I'M GAY. He does not know, although he might have suspected it. In other words, I just reappear in his life again through that letter after 2 years without communication saying I'm gay. I figured I have nothing to lose anymore since the friendship is gone.

What's going to happen?! He's the first one to know I'm gay. I'm scared.

 

[spencer]

wow, that's a lot of pain. I know exactly how you feel. I hope you can at least move on to someone who will accept you for who you are.

I'm guessing he's already found it weird and knew you were attracted to him and he's one of the people that couldn't take it. He knew that leaving a gift basket for him sealed that deal and so he gave it back so that you would have no mixed signals as to what he wanted and how he wanted nothing to do without.

I'm just as guilty and I still contacted someone who rejected me. It's painful. Hang in there, but don't keep your hopes up bro.

 

[hermanding]

i so hope he will be supportive - but be prepared in case he has his own security issues. best best of luck
ding

 

[fingers]

From what you wrote, I suspect the guy was uncomfortable about the way you treated him. Two years of silence speaks volumes. I don't think he will contact you now that you've come out to him. I suspect he already knows and that he also knows how you felt about him. Your behavior was very telling.

This is only my opinion, but I think if you're still dwelling on a guy who hasn't spoken to you in two years, you're not in a healthy place about this. I think you need to move on. He's made his feelings known. Read the signals.

The fact of life is that some people will move away from you as you make your sexuality known. There's no point trying to cling to them. The more you do, the more they will push away. Stay close to those who accept you. Focus on the strong friendships in your life, not the ones that are no more.

 

[Ben_1982]

Fingers puts it fairly succinctly.

It's possible he might surprise you though. There are other reasons why he might have become uncomfortable and stopped speaking to you (perhaps he's afraid of facing some personal truths). Being frank however, I'd say that it's doubtful.

 

[JNewYork]

Fingers said it right.

We all go through that pain, especially at your age.

I would *NOT* write to him. Sorry, but the friendship is over. He is uncomfortable around you because he suspects you're gay and like him that way.

Love yourself. There's nothing wrong with being gay. And go find someone who will love you back.

It is NOT true that you have nothing to lose if you do send him a note and tell him. You will lose some self-respect. You will also lose some of the healing that has already taken place. You will open up old wounds.

The pain will lessen. Find yourself someone who's gonna love you back.

Your friend is gone. If he wishes to contact you, he can. But don't pursue him anymore.

 

[biggdickthug]

I hope ur prepared to be "outed".

If he's insecure with himself he may "out" you and make your life a living hell.

good luck!

 

[zeus007]

I hope ur prepared to be "outed".

If he's insecure with himself he may "out" you and make your life a living hell.

good luck!

As being there, I agree 101% with biggdickthug.

If you dont care about outing, I would try to forget him, making sure that he will learn that i am furious about his behaviour towards our friendship by speaking about it to one of the friends he still speaks to.

 

[RoscoR]

if there your best fiend then nothing should happen ....

 

[RacerX111]

Fingers and JNewYork nailed it.


Sorry but it's over. He suspected you being gay long ago and thus avoided you.


Move on to new friends and find some balance. You don't have to be the giver all the time...... you find someone who really likes you and they'll being giving to you.

Sorry your heart was broken.....I think we've all experinced that with a straight guy atleast once and it's never a pleasant experience.

 

[thatcrap]

Ummm, something tells me he already knew you are gay. The letter is just beating a dead horse and might creep him out even more.

Move on.

 

[123kid]

From what you wrote, I suspect the guy was uncomfortable about the way you treated him. Two years of silence speaks volumes. I don't think he will contact you now that you've come out to him. I suspect he already knows and that he also knows how you felt about him. Your behavior was very telling.

This is only my opinion, but I think if you're still dwelling on a guy who hasn't spoken to you in two years, you're not in a healthy place about this. I think you need to move on. He's made his feelings known. Read the signals.

The fact of life is that some people will move away from you as you make your sexuality known. There's no point trying to cling to them. The more you do, the more they will push away. Stay close to those who accept you. Focus on the strong friendships in your life, not the ones that are no more.

Could not have said it better...........Fingers is right.