ive been contemplating about coming out to my mom for a while. i was in a relationship with another guy for a long time, we broke up but are trying to make things work and i thought i should tell me mom, i didnt wanna hold any secrets from her so i told her last night. she was extremely scared and almost had a panic attack. she told me she still loves me but wants me to forget about my ex boyfriend forever because i told her i want him back and he doesnt love me like i love him but we're trying. she said that if i forget about him itd be easier but i feel like shes saying it cus she wants me to forget about men completely which isnt gonna happen. i cant not talk to him anymore, its impossible. she wants me to stay home from now on and i dont know what to do. i need to see him, i love him. she told me if i go to see him she'll never talk to me again and our relationship will be ruined. she said that after i finish college in 2 years i can do whatever i want, but i cant lose contact with my ex i love him so much and he is such a big part of my life. what should i do?
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i just came out to my mom
- Thread starter xigorr
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texpatriot
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All of that aside, maybe your Mom sees something in your ex that you don't.
Have you asked her about that?
Have you asked her about that?
she met him once and it was for only 5 minutes. shes trying to tell me that he "poisoned" me into being gay and that his parents dont care about him because they are okay with him being gay....she's just really religious and is having a hard time accepting it. it just hurts hearing her call someone i love all these horrible things when she does not know him.
Think rationally. She is not saying these things about him because they're true. She's saying them because she's scared and reeling from the news that you're gay. Good for you on coming out to her, but now you have to be patient while she tries to deal with that information. She thought she knew who her son was, and while you haven't truly changed, that's not how it feels for her.
Don't press the issue with her about your ex and try to force her to accept him. If you're serious about getting back together with him, then keep working on it, but mom should now be on a need-to-know basis about that part of your life. And until you are back together with him, she has no need to know.
Don't press the issue with her about your ex and try to force her to accept him. If you're serious about getting back together with him, then keep working on it, but mom should now be on a need-to-know basis about that part of your life. And until you are back together with him, she has no need to know.
Wow, didn't know psychologists discovered that tolerance and acceptance of a present situation was bad. So that means parents who give freedom and trust their sons are irresponsible parents!
Come on, let's be sincere, she is the one with the bad, childish and destructive attitude. If she has a problem with you being gay, it's not something that you have to resolve at all. Tell your mother that the time of parental guidance and parental absolute truth has gone away a lot of time ago. And that you are aware of that, you're not changing your sexuality because she tells you to do so.
She's known for less than 24 hours. You've known for much longer, most likely. Give her some space on this. She may go through the full spectrum of grief. Just watch for if she gets stuck at certain stages along the way.
I agree that your mom needs time to come to terms with you coming out to her. She suddenly has a to deal with and think about and it's going to take time for her to come to terms with the fact that you're gay. Maybe some of what she said was in reaction to learning you're gay but it seems to me she has a point about forgetting about your ex if he doesn't love you like you love him. Maybe out of all the emotions running through her mind, forgetting about him was a good piece of advice that came through. Of course, I say this not knowing anything about your relationship with your ex other than this post here, but maybe it's time to think about moving on from your ex. In any case, good luck and congrats on coming out to your mom.
