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I just came out to my parents

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biguy562

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I just came out to my parents and they took it better than they expected. Most of you probably recognize me from my other posts but I have a boyfriend. However, they still believe it is wrong and started talking about what the Bible says. They want me to pray about it and go talk to someone.

I have a stutter and a mild form of cerebral palsy. I am 25 years old. I have dated many girls in the past and none have really accepted me. I also feel more comfortable around guys than I do girls. My mom said I am confused.

They want me to me happy yet they want me to try to change myself.

I feel very relieved yet very overwhelmed. Now I am worried if they will accept my boyfriend if he comes around?

What should be my next step?

Please help
 
Also, my boyfriend just moved to college (an hour away) my dad thinks this is a sign from God to change my life and get away from him, yet I am the happiest I have EVER been with him.
 
Congratulations.

Now, first things first, you're 25---stop letting your parents tell you how they think you should be living your life. Your disability does not give them the right to push you around or make decisions for you. If you want to be with your boyfriend, be with him, and they can either reconcile with that fact or be miserable. But only YOU can make decisions for YOU and only YOU know what's right for YOU.

I have a friend whose twin has CP (they're 30) and her parents still baby her because of her disability. They make decisions for her and tell her how to live her life, and then get VERY angry when she thinks for herself. They don't treat her like she's capable of making decisions about her own life, or knowing herself well enough to know what is right for her. I really hope this isn't the case with you and that your parents are just the regular flavor of ignorant Christian. And here's hoping they'll eventually come around and shut up about the Bible and how confused they think you are.

For now, just ignore them and be proud of yourself. And don't listen to any of that "sign from God" bullsh. The only sign that you should get away from your boyfriend is if you don't have feelings for him anymore or he treats you poorly. Otherwise, it's all about personal decision making. I'm pretty sure if God isn't doing anything about all the rapes and murders and wars in the world, he's not taking time out of his busy schedule of sitting on his ass and doing nothing to send a vague sign to you that you shouldn't be dating your boyfriend.
 
Biguy562: Congratulations on coming out to your parents! You should be very proud of the big step you took, in developing a deeper & more honest relationship with your family.

I can see you've told your parents that you have a boyfriend. My recommendation would be to hold off on bringing him around, and here's why:

You've had a lot of time, years probably, to understand what it means to be gay, to know that being gay doesn't prevent you from falling in love, having a family, and all of the other successes that people have. Your parents, however, just found out these news. They need some time to breathe it in, get used to the aftertaste.

This is probably the first time in their lives they've had to really have a thorough thought analysis about homosexuality. They've always been able to coast off of what they've always thought, it's never been a realistic possibility for them. It's probably always had the "Yeah, it could happen to anyone, but it won't happen to me" philosophy. Through no fault of your own though, it has. Give them time to sort out their thoughts. Now that someone they really love and care about has shared this information with them. Maybe now they will really examine their religion's stance on the issue. I know my mom did. She always knew I was a great person - well intended, ambitious, optimistic, helpful, all these great qualities.... and yet, that's all irrelevant and I'm going to hell? I'm optimistic your parents will have a similiar realization.

I've also given this advice to a few other posters on this board. You're on your way to college. I'm going to assume your parents were born in the late 50s to late 60s. When they were born, homosexuality was still considered a mental disease by the medical community. Shortly after they graduated high school and entered the real world, they started thinking about their lives - dating, settling down, starting a family. That's when the AIDS epidemic hit. The entire mindset in those formative adult years was that, mentally or physically, Gay meant DISEASE. Thats what sucks about our generation right now. It's our generation that needs to really fight both the thought that homosexuality isn't just a mental disorder, but also a death sentence of AIDS.

When your parents are suggesting you talk to someone, and read the Bible, just remember that they aren't saying it because they don't love you. They are saying it because they care and want you to be happy. They don't understand that what YOU are doing is good for you, and WILL allow you to be happy. Hopefully, this was able to help you understand their perspective.

I wish you all the best, and don't be afraid to come back when you have more questions, concerns, or just want to vent. If needed, you can always shoot me a PM here too.
 
Thank you both for the replies, I really appreciate and they did help.

My dad was born in 1948 and my mom 1951. I still live them.

My family are Christians, however they aren't the biggest. When I told my dad last night he said we need to get back to church. We went to church when I was younger but we have not been in many years. My boyfriend and I are both Christians and we have discussed our beliefs before about being gay and both have the same general beliefs. My boyfriend's parents are very supportive and accepting of him and I.

My parents both have extreme health issues. My mom has had several knee and leg surgeries. She can not hardly walk and my dad has severe back pain and also had a heart attack in 2007. He still smokes and has been having chest pains. He has a doctor's appointment next Friday, to be totally honest I don't feel very good about it.

Because I told them that I have been on many dates with girls and none have really accepted me they feel as if I can be fixed and the sooner the better.

I feel more comfortable around guys and I am attracted to them more than I am girls. I do feel as if one day if the RIGHT girl were to come into my life (and if for some reason my boyfriend and I break up) I would be attracted to her. Does that make sense? However I have really no sexual attraction to girls. I have just become open minded over the years about love in general. I see love as more than just between sexes.

I have no intentions with ever breaking up with my boyfriend. He is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. He is actually the one would inspired me to come out to my parents.

Midnight, I don't know if I chose the right time to come out to my parents. My sister (She's 34) is actually going 2 hours away this weekend to stay with a guy she met online and hardly knows (my parents were upset about that). I was planning on driving down and seeing my boyfriend this weekend however yesterday evening my parents ask me not to go because they are afraid of the traffic down there. That is where they baby me the most. They worry about me. They even said they wanted to ride down to see how the traffic was then they would see if they would be comfortable with me driving down there.

I felt like I had to tell them last night.

Is it normal to still feel upset and worried? I am extremely happy with my life with my boyfriend right now I don't want to change.

Should I try to talk to them more today about it? Should I let them bring it up? Should I wait a couple days to let it sink in more? And should I go see my boyfriend this weekend? His parents I believe are going down this weekend to take his car, would it be better to ride with them if I go?
 
dhchitown,

My dad said last night "it breaks my heart, and will break your mom's and sister's heart as well" He also said, "I wanted you to be the man I wanted you to be."
 
biguy562 said:
dhchitown,

My dad said last night "it breaks my heart, and will break your mom's and sister's heart as well" He also said, "I wanted you to be the man I wanted you to be."
Click to expand...

Every parent has a vision of what they want their kids to be. Your coming out has shaken that vision and he is going to need time to adjust. Ultimately, it is what you - not your father - want to be that is most important to you, and your parents will have to accept that.
 
Your exactly right tipmyscale.

I really want to go see my boyfriend this weekend but I don't know if it's a good idea since I just came out to my parents. We both miss each other terribly.

Any thoughts?
 
UPDATE....I had a talk with my mom tonight and she is fully accepting of it and she said she loves my boyfriend.

My dad didn't say anything. He was still upset, I could tell and before he went to bed he said, "I have been thinking about you all day" and "I love you"

I think they both made progress pretty fast :) It's still going to take my dad some time though I believe.

I told my boyfriend I really do feel like my coming out has made our relationship stronger. I think I have decided I am going to see him this weekend. Do yall think that is a good idea?
 
I'm happy for you. CP can be a huge stumbling block and if I were your parent I'd be overjoyed that you found love. My advice for misguided bible talk is a gift membership for your parents to PFLAG. They need to hear from the other side.

Congratulations on this achievement. I hope you and your honey can get together often.
 
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