I just need to let it out...

[Seasoned]

It's good that you got this out. As I am not in your shoes culyurally speaking I will not give you direct advice. I'd suggest that you try to find a gay-friendly Korean counselor, or perhaps another ethnic Asian, who might be familiar with these strong familial cultural ties. Good luck to you.

 

[TX-Beau]

You have no reason to think he's gay. Move on.

 

[andy12]

I want to move on, but it's easier said than done. And I don't appreciate you telling me to move on so callously when I've obsessed over him since I was in middle school.

You can:

1. ask him.
2. move on.
3. be miserable.

Asking him will stop the what ifs, if not the attraction.

 

[rareboy]

^ what he said.

 

[giorgiobaby]

unless he gives any indication to you that he is gay....U might be better off just crushing on him only and not letting him know. I know it's not what you want to hear, but unless you're willing to risk your family finding out....

 

[Willie Boy]

Sorry, you lost me at Zac Efron's rippling abs. They don't exist on American screens.

 

[TX-Beau]

I want to move on, but it's easier said than done. And I don't appreciate you telling me to move on so callously when I've obsessed over him since I was in middle school.

Perhaps that's precisely what you need to hear. 10 years?

All these threads go the same way. You either tell him you like him, or tell him you're gay, and you'll have your answer.

If you won't do that it's usually because you don't want to hear the answer you already know. You have no reason to think this guy is gay.

Do or don't, but don't expect to get a whole lot of sympathy for wallowing in this for another 10 years. You get a pass for the first decade, because you were a kid, well, you're an adult now and don't you think it's time to make some adult decisions. You can't control your attractions but you absolutely control what you do about them.

You'll either resolve this, or you'll agonize over it. There's nothing more to say unless you do something - move on, tell him, whatever, just act.

 

[fingers]

My gaydar has gone off more than once around him, but I think he's had a girlfriend (not sure) and he is REALLY good at sports.

I couldn't help but comment: since when is being good at sports a sign that someone is not gay? Otherwise, andy12 is right.

 

[hotb0d]

10 years huh...that's a long time. And I thought my 1 year long crush was long. I feel your pain x10 literally. I was able to get over my guy. I do get relapses of feeling for him now and then but for the most part, it's gone. I don't think that is the case with your situation. Therefore, the only option is to tell him the truth. I know it's cliche and you probably know it yourself, so I'll be just another reconfirmation. You should tell him so you can move on with your life.

 

[G-Lexington]

Well, I've never turned down a direct request before.

You know that feeling you have for him? That's love. Or at least a variant of it. It's not attraction, or a crush. When it happens for the first time, people tend to be really confused by it. "Why do I like him? I like tall/muscular/blonde/smart/sexy guys, and this guy is short/fat/dark/dumb/geeky." But think about it. It's not just the tall, muscular, sexy guys getting laid, and partnering up. And thank God for that, because the rest of us need love and sex, too, damnit.

But as amazing as love is, it's sheer hell when you're in love with somebody who doesn't, or can't, love you back. Which is why there's all those "I'm in love with a straight guy" threads here, and they're so full of heartbreak, and they all have the "if only I could suck his dick just once..." bargains that never work out.

So what do you do? Honestly, I'd say go for broke. After all, you're not really friends anymore. If you piss him off, and he decides never to talk to you ever again, that just about puts you where you are right now. I don't get much "gay" vibe from him from what you've said, but again, you never know. I'm a sports nut, and I likey the dicky, so it's certainly possible.

I wouldn't contact him out of the clear blue and say "Hi I'm gay, hoping you are too, let's hook up". Perhaps send him a "catching up" email. In either that one, or the following one, let him know you're gay. You don't have to give him a long "I have something horrible to tell you" routine. Just say something like "I've made some good friends here at college, but haven't gotten anywhere dating. I was hoping I'd find some more gay guys here, but so far haven't had much luck. I may join the GLBTSU soon, and maybe that will help." Again, keep it conversational, like it's no big deal.

And that'll be his cue. If he chooses not to respond, there's your answer. If he responds, but doesn't say he's gay, you can take that to mean that he isn't. Do NOT force the issue. Don't cling to some scrap of hope that maybe he is, but he doesn't trust telling anyone, and and and. If you come out to him, that's his cue to come out to you if he's gay. If he doesn't take it, he's straight. Accept that, and move on.

If he does say he's gay? Well, then, have fun.

Lex

 

[xterranx]

I'm not sure what race you are, but being Korean and gay is very difficult.

I totally understand this, haha. I'm not Korean myself, but I am Asian... but anyway, I remember my Korean friend told her parents that I was gay, and they were in total denial about it. With someone else's kid. They were saying things like "I don't think he knows what he's talking about..." "Maybe he's just confused!" "Or maybe it's just a way to seduce you..."

And you know those were picked out because they were nicest things they probably said. lawlz

But anyway, good luck. I don't really know what to say about your situation.