I just want it to be easy..

[magicman84]

I guess I'm not really looking for advice so much as some sort of confirmation that everything will be ok in the end.

So a couple weeks ago I made a post (which I can't link to because I don't have 25 posts yet, but will add later) about how I was thinking about fooling around with a friend of mine. For those who don't want to read that original post, until recently I was a total virgin until I recruited a friend to sort of "initiate" me into sex. It was a mostly positive experience, I guess. So today a few weeks later I was in the mood to fool around again so I IMed him and he was up for it too. So we did it again. This time though, I actually ended up going down on him, which didn't happen before. It was nice (I wasn't expecting to like it for some reason), though I did end up getting some hairs in my teeth.

But that is not the problem. For whatever reason, he can't get me off. When he could blow me and jerk me off (especially the latter) it felt pretty awesome, but I never got that "agh, I'm gonna come!" feeling. Ultimately I had to finish myself off, which took some time because I think I was bit self conscious because I'm not used to having another person there. My dick was feeling a little tender around the head, which kind of took me out of it a little when I was getting blown. My friend said it looks like that could be because of the way I masturbate.

All in all the sex has been fine but...I hate that I feel so awkward and self conscious. I hate that another person can't bring me to orgasm. I'm going to be 25 in two weeks. I'm a fucking adult; why can't I have sex like one? I feel like I have so far to go before sex gets to be really really good...

So tell me, does it sound like I'm broken? Will things get better or am I doomed to a lifetime of nice but somewhat awkward, orgasm-free sex? I know tonight was only my second time but...in my mid 20s this is pretty frustrating.

 

[hotb0d]

I have to ask....how many times did you masturbate before your little session with him? It would explain that tender feeling around your penis head. Which would then explain the reason why you couldn't come when he jack you off. If you masturbate too much, you will get sore and thus make it harder for your to come.

 

[hotatlboi]

yeah dont jack off before. but also, its just a simple fact that you aren't going to be that great at sex when you are first starting regardless of age. It will take a bit to learn to get comfortable with everything.

 

[magicman84]

I have to ask....how many times did you masturbate before your little session with him? It would explain that tender feeling around your penis head. Which would then explain the reason why you couldn't come when he jack you off. If you masturbate too much, you will get sore and thus make it harder for your to come.

I don't think I do it THAT much. It's not always an every day thing. Sometimes every day, sometimes every 2-3 days. I didn't do it before seeing him. I DO use two hands though, and a lot of people seem to think that's pretty weird.

 

[Seasoned]

We are all head, heart, soul and body. And we all approach sex differently. Maybe something was missing for you during sex with this buddy. If so, try to figure out what it was. If you're not sure try to be super horny next time.

As we are all different, it going to take a different amount of time to cum. My partner can do it pretty much on demand and sometimes it takes me forever because my thoughts get in the way.

If you do it again with this friend teach him what movements make you feel good. BTW, as long as you are not hurting yourself jerk off anyway you like.

Good luck.

 

[rareboy]

You just aren't relaxed enough yet.

Your brain is the ultimate sex organ and it doesn't sound as though you are fully engaged yet.

At this point, you're thinking you are just 'fooling around'.

It is also not unusual for a lot of guys to not find a bj intense enough to achieve orgasm.

Maybe try fucking your buddy instead.

 

[magicman84]

The original thread I posted if anyone wants to see it:

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=266536

 

[SonOfSlobone]

I had that problem when I first started having sex with other people. Then I met somebody I was really really comfortable with, who never tried to rush me and was very patient. It took a couple of times together, but once I started getting off with him I was fine after that...

 

[tallguy297]

Ultimately I had to finish myself off, which took some time because I think I was bit self conscious because I'm not used to having another person there.

All in all the sex has been fine but...I hate that I feel so awkward and self conscious.

Mate, I butchered your post to high light a few parts... the parts that really answer the questions you asked.

Its simply that you have put way too much pressure on yourself, your are nervous and self conscious... all the things you dont need to relax and enjoy the moment.

Dont blame yourself, dont feel bad or pressure. You are not broken, you just need to be in the moment with someone you care about and forget the mechanics of having sex. Sex for some guys is about love and connection... and I would think from your posts thats you too.

Trust me mate, with the right guy, with your heart involved, you will relax, you'll enjoy it and so will your partner.

 

[G-Lexington]

If you're like most guys - and, let's face it, most guys are - you've probably jerked off a lot in the last ten years. And you probably did it in private. If someone came home while you were jerking off, you probably quickly turned off the computer (or hid the magazine, if you're old school) and pulled your pants on. Nothing wrong with any of this, but it does get a certain mindset going. Your brain starts thinking "Sex is a solitary thing. If someone else shows up, shut down."

So now you're all set to have some mindblowing sex with someone who's ready and willing...and you're having trouble, because...we'll, there's this GUY there!

So work on breaking it. Ask him to help out. (He's obviously willing to.) Go ahead and do whatever sex you'd like. Get him off, and don't worry about your own orgasm just yet. Then, once you're ready to finish, have him just hold you while you jerk yourself to orgasm. Then, next time, have him do some more while you jerk yourself off. Rub your chest, lick your balls, whatever you'd like him to do. Then, the following time, maybe have him put his hands on yours while you jerk off. Or have him do it himself.

The key is to move from "Sex is me getting myself off" to "sex is someone else getting me off." It might take one time, it might take ten. Frankly, though, it's a pretty damn enjoyable process.

Lex

 

[AlmondMilk]

I was actually with a guy who took awhile to cum... whether you suck/stroke him or he stroked himself. It takes like an hour of hard sucking and stroking XD

So you're not alone there. Don't worry about. As long as you enjoy each other's company, it's all good

 

[SonOfSlobone]

^^^Yeah, actually thinking about it, I had that "problem" most of my life. But you know what I discovered -- I love foreplay! I love taking my time and really exploring someone else's body. Even to fuck somebody for a really long time, with no urgency about coming, can be really hot if you do it right.

The problem, of course, is finding the right partner. My first boyfriend, I'm sorry to say, was the "Kum & Go" type. It took me several years to figure out we weren't right for each other.

 

[magicman84]

You are not broken, you just need to be in the moment with someone you care about and forget the mechanics of having sex. Sex for some guys is about love and connection... and I would think from your posts thats you too.

Trust me mate, with the right guy, with your heart involved, you will relax, you'll enjoy it and so will your partner.

Yeah, I think that may be part of what's missing. I mean, my friend is cool and all, but I don't feel that way about him. He's really sweet and patient and has never put any pressure on me, but that doesn't stop me from feeling somewhat disconnected from the whole thing. After we did it the first time I kind of started to think that I would just wait until I found someone who wanted to date before doing it again, but then for some reason I got the itch last night. I made it clear to him that I wasn't really looking for it to be a regular thing; I want us to be friends first and foremost, not fuck buddies.

*sigh* I'm beginning to think no one that I want to date is ever going to want to date me back..

 

[CtBoyWonder]

I can't come either unless I do it myself. When I first started having sex
with a guy. I was embarrassed. But I was also young and stupid! What
I learned was that it's perfectly acceptable to get yourself off at the end.
Just look at a lot of gay porn. Lot's of them have the performers do their
own deed. Boy was I relieved when I figured that out.