I just want to be straight?

[lucasss]

I'd like to keep this kind of short and I know how you guys feel about guys complaining about how to live there lives but I really feel like I am in a breaking point right now.

All my life until the end of high school and into college I never really had guy friends growing up. Never got to be one of the guys and hang out with the boys. I'm 24 now and have had the same boy friend since for 3 years. We live together and I'm not sure how happy I am feeling about this situation anymore.

We both work jobs on different shifts so we hardly see each other any more My job is an hour and a half drive from our apartment so twice a week I do not drive back after work. Usually staying either at my parents house inbetween or at my friends place. Since being at this new job I've become good friends with the straight guys at work who do not know i am gay. We party together, drink and smoke weed, and just bond as bros.

When I'm home I am the maid. Making his lunches, cleaning the house, doing his laundry. Things I really don't want to be doing. He does not help with this stuff.

I'm really tired of living here. It is too expensive to live here, drive here, not to mention clean up after him. I really just want to have my own place, be one of the guys, and I think be with chicks at this point in my life..

 

[Ryuukie]

How's your sex life with your boyfriend? When you masterbate, do you think about men or women? If it's men, you're never going to be straight.

 

[ariesstar89]

Well, I'm not going to bash you, because who am I to tell you how to live your life. I'm only going to try to give you some advice and insight as to what I think about it, if that's ok.

From what it sounds like, you seem to just be unhappy with the relationship your in. I'm sure that's stating the obvious, but just what I'm sensing from your post. You mention how you get along more with your straight coworkers than anything else, so simply just be friends with them. I'm gay and I have more straight friends than I do gay. Just because you get along with them more, and you've mentioned never really having a lot of guy friends as it is, you probably just feel that void finally being filled. That's perfectly fine. I just see the problem at hand being the relationship you're in.

You said you feel like a maid in the relationship, that the two of you never see each other and that you often times don't even stay at the same apartment. As I've mentioned, this - the relationship problems - is what's giving you such grief in your life to make you want to think this way.

What I suggest is talking to your boyfriend about the feelings you have. If you are staying with him after this time for some other gain (financially or what-not) then that needs to be fixed. It's not fair for either one of you. I know its not an equal relationship for either one of yal to stay together. Ultimately, the question you must ask yourself is: Are you happy with him? If not, fix it by what I've mentioned or some other way that you believe to be the key.

If you want to be with women, be with a woman. But you must ask yourself, do you think about them sexually, have any physical attraction to girls? If so, then by all means, go for it. If not, then you may be fighting a losing battle. Believe me, I've tried. All the same, you must do what you think is right.

I may be way off with my words, but just callin' it like I see it. Hope things work out for ya all the same though.

 

[gymdude75]

email me in private bro - most guys here won't get you making that statement -
it's cool and totally ok for what you want to do. Lets talk.
*email address removed by moderator*

 

[lucasss]

thanks airesstar.

you are right. I am attracted to girls yes, i love tits, but don't often find myself checking out straight porn.

i think i would rather eat a vag then a guys asshole tho. most definitely.

On the otherside of my problem, we do live together for the most part so the rent is cheap. Although my commute to work and his refusal to move is difficult. I can't really afford to keep living here, and his cousin is moving in upstairs to help pay the rent. If I left now he would be ok on his own here.

I just don't know how to tell him. Because we can't stay together and not live together, he wont do that. I also just want to chill with my bros and not be the gay dude, because it would ultimately be a lot different.

I just need a change i think.

 

[ariesstar89]

Well, you've answered all the problems just now.

-You are attracted to girls, then by all means, start pursuing them more and more. Just do not be with a girl and then have a guy on the side to fix some sexual frustrations, because cheating either way is still cheating, and ain't good one bit. (This is all under the assumption that you and your boyfriend break-up of course).

-As far as the living situation goes, you said your self that financially it is cheaper, and that if you were to leave he'd be fine since he has a relative moving in. If you are staying for the simple fact of it being financially suitable, then I'd leave. Move back in with the parents for some time til you find a cheaper place (I know that's not the best idea, no one wants to move back in with the rents, but it'd be for just some time). You could find a place closer, to your work, and you'd be saving ALOT of money on gas alone, as well as time to and from.

-Regardless of your sexual orientation, you can still be the guy you are and have the friends you have. Just because you are gay/bi/whatever, doesn't mean you automatically have to conform to others stereotypes of it. Hell, I shock the fuck out of people when I tell them I'm gay. Because I am who I am, I just happen to come across as straight I guess. But anyways, stick to who you are, and with those friends that come into your life. Just don't think that just because you are gay, that you can't have straight friends.

I don't care who says it, change is good for the soul. Without it, life becomes too mundane and only leads to depression.

I'm off my soapbox now, just think about things before making any quick decisions. And again, hope things work out for you. Need anything else, don't hesitate to ask anybody here

 

[thegorgeousguys]

Well it sounds like you sort of want to break up with him? It's okay for you to do that, you know.

But, since you want to end it anyway, and assuming you two have something going on after three years, why not just tell him all this? Worse case, you end it.

 

[lucasss]

it just seems hard cause i know it will devastate him. financially i need to move back in with my parents and save on gas while paying student loans. he doesn't get this, his jobs are in this area. i have no ties left in this area besides him and we are growing so distant.

i just really cant bare myself to say this to him. maybe change title of this topic to how to break up with a long term partner..

 

[nevergive]

this title and story are hilarious. i just want to be straight. cause being gay or bi is so terrible. haha. but being straight is so much better and easier and taste better.... ill pray for you. people like you make it easy for "straight" people to call it a phase or that being born gay isn't true.

 

[nevergive]

^
exactly

 

[lucasss]

Please don't pass judgement on me here. You don't know my life or how I have been living it. The bottom line is I am in a loveless relationship in a town far from where I need to be living. How can I end this easily and transition myself further.

 

[BiMike]

It seems to me that you are a Bi guy who wants to break up his gay relationship. I think you will have to bite the bullet and tell your friend that in your view the relationship is not working partly due to your travelling problems but also your love life together. As a Bi guy I can understand your sexuality problems. Best of luck in trying to remain friends with your present bf.

 

[andyspete]

I would suggest that you find a good book or article on the topic of boundaries. Once you realize that you're a person of worth, you won't, or at least shouldn't, find yourself in relationships where you're allowing yourself to be used.

The fact that you're making his lunch, doing his laundry and other household chores that you don't want to do clearly suggests that this is not the most healthy relationship. If you were doing those things occasionally as an act of love or kindness, I'd understand but to be expected to do them with no reciprocation from him in any other way is much too one-sided. Seems to me like he's using you.

But my main question to you is why do you allow that? And I ask that rhetorically. You should ask yourself why you allow people to mistreat you. Because I'd venture to say he's probably not the only one in your life that takes advantage of you. Whether it be self esteem issues or whatever, you should probably work on yourself and reestablish your own identity as a person of worth who deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. We teach others how they can treat us by what we allow. When you respect yourself, people will subconsciously pick up on that and in turn treat you better. You will likely still have to enforce it from time to time, but draw a line in the sand and don't back down.

As far as dating women or men go, that's your decision. My whole concern is that you learn to value yourself more and start treating yourself better so others will also. Then your quality of life can and will improve and you'll be much more content. I wish you the best!

 

[ballcaphair]

Love yourself first, thoroughly. You're in my prayers. Pack up and go play...now.

 

[MisterMajestic]

24 is young...3yrs is a long time to be in a steady relationship Gay or Straight...Good relationships don't come easy these days..


You've admitted that you've fallen out of Love with him....his cousin is moving in to help with the finances, so that's a good thing.....It's time for you to end the relationship and move out...Moving in with your parents to save money is a good idea..At least you're not moving in with another Dude...

This Blow will hurt him but you're not leaving for someone else..You simply do not Love him the way you use to and it's time to stop pretending that everything is fine when it is not..

I'd rather stay SINGLE than have a Lover living with me that does not Love me...That would be a waste of my Life and I refuse to do that...