I know my family won't care that I'm gay...so why am I still scared?

[GaGaloo]

Okay my family are all atheists, they have gay friends and have no problem with homosexuals at all. I know they won't care that I'm gay, but for some reason I'm still scared to come out. I have no idea why. What could be wrong? Every time I go to tell them I just get nervous and chicken out. Ugh, I'm such a puss. -_-

 

[88Jockstraps]

Okay my family are all atheists, they have gay friends and have no problem with homosexuals at all. I know they won't care that I'm gay, but for some reason I'm still scared to come out. I have no idea why. What could be wrong? Every time I go to tell them I just get nervous and chicken out. Ugh, I'm such a puss. -_-

It's a big step! It's a big deal to you even if it's not to them.

Coming out is a big deal, but like bw92116 posted, I think coming out isn't always necessary. Whether it's necessary or not depends on your opinion and your choice.

 

[DaniksBubu]

I also believe that coming out is anything but a necessity for anyone. However, it is not about whether or not you NEED to come out but whether or not you WANT to. All you need to do is find the right time. A time when you can stand in front of your family with your head held high and say calmly and clearly that you are gay.

 

[DarkHelios]

I don't get why anyone ever feels the need or pressure to come out. I would just wait until someone asks you. If someone asks you, they're interested and ready for the answer no matter what it is. But if they don't ask you, they either don't care one way or the other, or else they are not ready for the answer. I don't believe in this "need" to "come out" and spring it on someone. This applies to family members and close friends as well. Why bother to even say anything, unless asked? I just don't get it.

With family, I consider part of it to be a matter of courtesy. Some day (if all goes well) I'm going to bring a guy home to meet my parents. I think it's unfair to both him and them if that's the moment that they find out I'm gay.

If they know beforehand, they can get all their questions and things out of the way with me in private instead of in front of some guy that they just met.

To the OP, I pretty much knew my parents would be okay with finding out I was gay (perhaps not thrilled, but they wouldn't freak out). It still took a huge amount of effort for me to tell them.

I even had trouble telling my brother and I knew 100% that he wouldn't care.

You're not the only person to find it difficult when there's nothing to worry about.

 

[PokerFace]

Im exactly the same. I have a gay cousin who is at my house regularly and sometimes with her girlfriend yet i still haven't been able to tell my family. I dont even mind them knowing it's just working up the courage to come out with it.

Good Luck .

 

[Nomenclature]

It's probably because you haven't truly accepted your identity yet. Give it a little more time.

 

[Spiffy]

I believe I fall into a similar category...
I'm pretty sure my parents and the rest of my family knows. I'm not really flamboyant or anything but i'm not exactly bringing any girlfriends home either. I accept who I am, Its just so wierd going up to family and saying oh yeah I'm what you suspected me of being all this time. Sometimes I don't feel like they should know since I'm not really close to any of my family members. Then again, they are family so if anybody should know... ya know. *sigh

 

[SomedaySoon]

I believe I fall into a similar category...
I'm pretty sure my parents and the rest of my family knows. I'm not really flamboyant or anything but i'm not exactly bringing any girlfriends home either. I accept who I am, Its just so weird going up to family and saying oh yeah I'm what you suspected me of being all this time. Sometimes I don't feel like they should know since I'm not really close to any of my family members. Then again, they are family so if anybody should know... ya know. *sigh

I <3 you. I have been trying to think of what to post in this thread for awhile, and you summed it up perfectly. I am EXACTLY the same way.

 

[Spiffy]

I <3 you. I have been trying to think of what to post in this thread for awhile, and you summed it up perfectly. I am EXACTLY the same way.

Its good to know I'm not alone. Now we need to find a solution lol

 

[TX-Beau]

You don’t want to tell them you’re gay because that commits you to being part of a slandered minority. The reluctance isn’t about them, it’s about you. Are you ready to let go of the closet door?

Being a gay man is always more scary when you can’t hide in the shadows any longer. People will know, they will tell other people, the control over your secret is no longer yours. That’s scary.

That said, if you really are that comfortable with yourself and your sexuality, you don’t care if someone else knows – as for people who tell you it isn’t necessary to come out, well, lies of omission are still lies.

People automatically assume you’re straight, or act like they do out of some kind of misguided consideration, people will not ask if you’re gay by and large, for the same reason, and if you let them lie for you, that’s still the closet - living one foot in, one foot out, which thankfully usually tends to be a temporary stop on the way out.

In the end, and this is what people caught in the closet, and those who make justifications for it fail to understand. We don’t come out for other people, we come out for ourselves. To make an honest foundation for our lives, lives we refuse to apologize for, or treat like some dread disease best kept quiet. Why should being gay require stealth of any kind? Straight people announce their sexuality in a thousand different very public ways, in a thousand different scenarios, you deserve the same prerogative.

It’s not about them and what they think, it’s about you and what you’re willing to seize for yourself. That’s what coming out is, that’s why it’s liberating.

 

[relaxin13]

For me, it's because as soon as I tell someone (anyone, not just family) that I'm gay, it immediately gives them a different perspective on who I am. It makes me feel like I am looked at differently. I've had some really great friends tell me that yeah, I am looked at differently, but that doesn't mean it is a bad thing. I've heard many times that my coming out made a friendship stronger.

All the support that I've had, and I still haven't told my parents either. I just struggle with the idea that changing my parents' views of me, after they've had this inaccurate image of me for so long, is just really difficult. That's kind of sad.

I've been saying this to myself for a while: Just come out to them. They're your parents; most of the time all parents want for their children is for them to be happy. Let them know what happiness means to you, so that they can embrace it and become a part of it.

I've never come out to anyone sober. I've always needed to be at least a little drunk to tell anyone. I'm pretty much out to the world except for my parents now, and it may partially be because I don't want to tell them drunk, but at the same time I don't know how to tell anyone sober... and all that is, is just another excuse.

 

[Deandbn]

^ Damn right they should look at you differently. They will know that you are not anymore part of that huge group of people called str8. You are very special, and part of a much smaller group called gay.

To the OP: You are scared of the unknown. Just blurt it out and get it over with. A day or two afterwards when the dust has settled, you will wonder why you didnt do it years ago.

 

[Seasoned]

I believe in the power of coming out. The most difficulty we have is coming out to ourselves. It's a process. I believe you will tell your parents when the time is right for you. People aren't always predictable. Some open-minded people respond out of fear when it's their own child. Some open-minded parents are disappointed the fact wasn't shared earlier. From what you wrote your parents will be supportive and you will feel unconditional love. The sad thing to me about gays not coming out to parents is the fear if rejection. They cheat themselves and their parents from unconditional love.

 

[GaGaloo]

Thanks for the advice everyone! =)