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I like an acquaintance; he's probably straight though

J

JordyM56

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I also posted this under "hot topics", but I realized I may get more responses on here.

Yea, it's one of these...This guy I like happens to be my good friend's younger brother. I'm 25 and he's 20. Nobody knows I'm gay except for one other friend. We have never hung out without my friend around, but when we see each other, he's very friendly with me and we have a lot in common and good deep intelligent conversations. He got back from college recently and we had a texting conversation once that I started.

I suppose the first step I could take is to try to become closer friends with him and ask him to hang out. If I do this,

1) Do you think it would be awkward to say to him that we should chill sometimes?

2) Also, if he bites, what would be the best way to express my feelings without making him not want to talk to me anymore?

I would be okay if I get rejected, but I would rather say something than find out what could've been. I'm not sure what I want out of this, but I think he's very attractive so maybe a hookup would do...but I think about him a lot , it sucks. Thanks!
 
Well, you start by telling him you're gay. If you start hanging out with him - and he doesn't know, then you hit on him, that could get ugly.

Some guys interpret that as dishonesty. Will he? I don't know, I have no idea who he is.

The most important thing is - DO NOT - drop your feelings on him until you know if he likes guys. Even with gay men that can get awkward.
Do you have any concrete - as in he told you or hangs out at gay bars - evidence he's gay?

Being friendly and having conversations isn't going to cut it.

How does your other friend feel about this? Will he spaz if you hit on his brother? He's your friend, you should consider his feelings.

Full disclosure. Not about your feelings, about your status.
 
There is usually an undercurrent in threads by closeted gays that any guy they are attracted to will also be attracted to them if they are gay or bi. THAT IS NOT TRUE. It's an interesting fantasy because it can allow you to to have sex without having to do much in the way of coming out. Just because someone is gay does not mean he'll want to have sex with you. The best way to have the gay life you want is to come out, not before you're ready and never to put yourself in jeopardy, but coming out tells you and the rest of the world that gay is a normal alternative to straight.
 
There's also something else to consider. We all want companionship and love, but you can't have a normal relationship from behind the closet door. The need for secrecy and the lying take their toll. It ends badly, or it stagnates from lack of future.

It's a huge barrier to your social life.
 
So I got to see my crush last night, and it was really hard to not stare at him. He's just so easy to talk to and flirty. I want to try to find the right time to come out to him. I may be seeing him again tonight, and I want to find a way to be alone with him so I could tell him. He always wants to get drunk and blaze with me, but we never really had the opportunity to...I may see him tonight again, maybe something will happen. Wish me luck :)
 
If you do come-out to him, avoid launching into how much you fancy him.
 
A bunch of my friends and I went out to a bar for the night....we came back to my crushes house, but he was passed out, so obviously nothing happened. Do you think this is fate telling me to totally steer clear of this?

Seriously, I feel this is becoming an obsession. He's nearly all I think about during the day, when I wake up, and before I go to sleep.


Do you think it would be weird to ask him to hang out sometime? Maybe I could just build the friendship with him and get to know him even better?
 
I don't see how it would be good for you to try and pursue a friendship if he's not inclined to be with you romantically.

You may think you can just be friends, but think of how it will eat at you. What happens when he starts dating someone?
 
I'll have to figure something out. He's going to be away for the whole summer once it starts, and then he goes away to school shortly after that, so I don't have much time. I have a feeling I'll end up running into a brick wall doing this.
 
Well, if you two aren't hardly going to see each other again, why not go for it? What have you to lose?
 
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