I love my family, but.....

[Pegasus69]

Okay, I am starting a new thread on this only because I felt like it as opposed to posting it in the cancer update thread). I just called the sisters and told them I wanted to come home this weekend to talk about the clinical trials. My oldest sister was a little confused as she thought we talked about it. I just told here that I wanted to update them on what was going on, and that no, we did not really talk about it. They said they were against it and that was that.

I told her that I wanted to talk with both sisters and thier husbands there, so that we could eliminate my need to spend all day answering the same questions to two different people. She said okay for sunday.

My other sister said she didn't have anthing more to say. I told her that I understood but that this was something that I needed to do and I would appreciate it if she would just humor me in this. She wanted to know if I was going to get the radiation and I was honest and said no. She said that I should just go ahead and tell her and I refused. She admitted that she much prefers to not talk about this stuff because then she can just pretend that it isn't happening and that is how she deals with it. I told her that if she wanted to I would tell her, but to understand that is not what I want and just needed her to support me on this one thing. I think she may know that there is something going on, but I feel that this is something that needs to be said in person, so that they can see my face and see my eyes and know that when I tell them that I am still confident that I can beat this, they know that it is how I truly feel and that I hope this helps them come to terms with the fact that I need to be treated for brain lesions.

It is times like these that I do wish I was an only child (not really, but damn they make it so f'in difficult at times). Okay, rant is over.....

 

[Steppenwolf]

You did the right thing. Don't let them off the hook - it wouldn't be doing them any favors in the long run. If they want to pretend nothing is going on after you fill them in, at least you will have told them. Everybody deals with bad news differently. You know once you beat this thing for good, there won't be anything you won't be able to handle. I look forward to that day.

 

[irish1]

Like Elvin said, we all handle serious matters differently, especially when it comes to the "C" word.
I truly hope you are able to beat this illness, and that your sisters will understand your need to be together, and discuss your options openly and honestly.

I know in my family, it takes alot to address difficult truths. There has been more than one occasion when the "elephant standing in the middle of the living room" has been trouble for us.

Keep us posted on how everything goes on Sunday. And as my mother used to say..."be patient"....

 

[justsimon]

It is times like these that I do wish I was an only child (not really, but damn they make it so f'in difficult at times). Okay, rant is over.....

That's what sisters are for, or so I've heard. Good luck.

 

[josefjosef]

I can not understand why your sisters do not talk to you on the terms you want to talk; it is your call. I hope that they give you the support you need 100% with no conditions, no questions, no controversy . Good Luck.

 

[justsimon]

I think they support him and all. They are having a hard time dealing with it too. They love him and don't like to see him sick....Everybody deals with things differently. Their love for him is obvious to me though...

Ditto. It's hard to deal with illnesses in the family. When I've been especially not well for various reasons, my mom always gets a little distant. I don't take it personally. I know she's just having a hard time. When I really need her, she's there.

 

[cocktales]

Man, what a difficult situation!

I know how you feel about ALL this; or I think maybe I do...

Right now, I'm experiencing my neighbor, Dale, who is going through lung cancer himself and has gone through ALL the treatments and now is in Home Hospice; otherwise, he's near death!

It's just horrible!

Dale is old, somewhere around 80, he's lived a full life.......wife, 2 kids and 4 grand children....

He's gone from 190 pounds to around 125 pounds in weight and looks like a guy from the Jewish death camps!!

So, all the chemicals put inside his body has given him 1 1/2 years of life; but NO quality of life!

I don't know if I would go through ALL that and then die anyway!

Sorry to put you in my neighbors situation; but he made his choice like everyone must do.....

Your sisters, each and everyone will take what you want to do in a different way, some accepting and some NOT wanting to even know what's going on, pretending they don't know!!!

So, treat each of them differently, how they feel does NOT mean they don't love you........just in their own way!

Hang in there my friend, for we ALL at JUB are with you 100%!!!

Here's a Hug and a Kiss for you!

 

[dolphwasser]

Pegasus - after reading only some of your posts (I'm sure I missed some and I only got into your story fairly recently), it seems like you're beating a dead horse. It seems like you want your sisters to meet you on your terms - which is a valid desire. It also seems that you DEMAND that they meet you on your terms, which doesn't seem to be working, may not really be fair, and may never eventually happen. You've been honest with them and you've expressed your situation and your plans. It's up to them to come to terms with your feelings. It's also up to you to accept them for their feelings.

The key word, I think on both sides, is ACCEPT. That doesn't necessarily mean AGREE. I think deep down your family truly cares for you, and as others have said, they are having a very hard time facing the very frightening possibilities of losing you. This energy being used in this battle you have with your family is going to be needed in your war against your disease.

I hope I haven't reached the wrong conclusions here by only reading bits and pieces of your life. I probably should keep my nose out of this, but I want you to know that I care about what happens to you, and I see that you are hurting in your posts.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I wish you serenity, courage, and wisdom. And love from me.

 

[Pegasus69]

Well, unfortunately I am not able to go to see my sisters this weekend due to some "intestinal" issues. Three hours on a bus is not a place I should be at this time, even if they do have bathrooms (yuck). So, I talked to my eldest sister today and she asked if I was coming home to tell them more news, and I was honest with her and told her about the brain lesions and the plan for treatment. She said that she thought that there was something going on and knew that if she asked me she knew I would not lie to her, but also knew that I would not say anything until I could be there to tell them in person. She seemed to take the news well enough (as could be expected). I am calling my other sister tomorrow to talk with her as well. She has an event with her in-laws today so I will wait so that they can enjoy this get together. I would have much rather done all this in person, but the doctors are moving very quickly and I should have my treatment within the next two weeks, so now is the time. I feel like such a shit having to tell them over the phone, but it was not meant to be.

Dolphwasser - I think that you have missed quite a bit actually. It isn't so much that I am trying to get my sisters to meet me on my terms on this. I, more than anyone else, understand the dynamics at play in my family. I am not going to rehash everything in regards to these dynamics again. But suffice it to say that you have missed the mark on this one. I know how my sisters deal with stuff and I also know that this is something that should be delivered in person rather than over the phone. I do appreciate your thoughts on this, but you are way off base.

 

[Pegasus69]

Well, sister #2 is now aware of the situation with the brain lesion. She is terrified, I can hear it in her voice. I assured her that at this point in time there has been no mention of how long I have to live, so that is a good sign and that the treatment is a one time thing and then we watch the situation. If more appear, then we zap them again. I am calling her tomorrow after she has a little time to digest everything I told her.

 

[Steppenwolf]

Thanks for the update, Pegasus. I had been wondering how things went for you this weekend.