Because of a mistake I made, I now have HIV on my mind just about every day.
I met someone a couple months ago and in the heat of the moment we went all the way without protection. I felt quite stupid about it, particularly when he told me he had never been tested and he had unprotected sex with women before. He had told me his mother had died from HIV and so I assumed that meant he took precautions. A few weeks later he claimed he got tested and came back negative. I have no way of verifying whether he did or not, I can only trust his word. I'm going to wait until December to get tested. I don't see the point of getting tested before 6 months.
I worked for an HIV organization and knew the dangers and so I was sure I would never have unprotected sex with someone unless we have been together for at least half a year and had both been tested. I even have had friends who were HIV positive.
I guess you really have to experience letting yourself go in a moment to understand how easy it is to put yourself at risk. Over the couple months it has been since I was with him I have wondered how I would feel if my test result comes back positive. Would it have been worth that one night fling?
Surprisingly I'm not afraid of the virus as much as I'm afraid of what it means for any future potential relationship. The months of agonizing I'm now going to have to endure wondering if I am infected are already giving me some insight into what it is like to live with such a mistake. I don't regret being with the guy but I do regret not protecting myself. I can't help but wonder if I'll be another statistic. Every news story and feature on HIV now catches my attention. It's weird how something that was only peripheral in your life can become so central from one decision. I don't think I could ever judge anyone who has HIV, and I feel even greater compassion now for those who are infected or die from the disease.
I met someone a couple months ago and in the heat of the moment we went all the way without protection. I felt quite stupid about it, particularly when he told me he had never been tested and he had unprotected sex with women before. He had told me his mother had died from HIV and so I assumed that meant he took precautions. A few weeks later he claimed he got tested and came back negative. I have no way of verifying whether he did or not, I can only trust his word. I'm going to wait until December to get tested. I don't see the point of getting tested before 6 months.
I worked for an HIV organization and knew the dangers and so I was sure I would never have unprotected sex with someone unless we have been together for at least half a year and had both been tested. I even have had friends who were HIV positive.
I guess you really have to experience letting yourself go in a moment to understand how easy it is to put yourself at risk. Over the couple months it has been since I was with him I have wondered how I would feel if my test result comes back positive. Would it have been worth that one night fling?
Surprisingly I'm not afraid of the virus as much as I'm afraid of what it means for any future potential relationship. The months of agonizing I'm now going to have to endure wondering if I am infected are already giving me some insight into what it is like to live with such a mistake. I don't regret being with the guy but I do regret not protecting myself. I can't help but wonder if I'll be another statistic. Every news story and feature on HIV now catches my attention. It's weird how something that was only peripheral in your life can become so central from one decision. I don't think I could ever judge anyone who has HIV, and I feel even greater compassion now for those who are infected or die from the disease.









