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I made a mistake

R

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Because of a mistake I made, I now have HIV on my mind just about every day.

I met someone a couple months ago and in the heat of the moment we went all the way without protection. I felt quite stupid about it, particularly when he told me he had never been tested and he had unprotected sex with women before. He had told me his mother had died from HIV and so I assumed that meant he took precautions. A few weeks later he claimed he got tested and came back negative. I have no way of verifying whether he did or not, I can only trust his word. I'm going to wait until December to get tested. I don't see the point of getting tested before 6 months.

I worked for an HIV organization and knew the dangers and so I was sure I would never have unprotected sex with someone unless we have been together for at least half a year and had both been tested. I even have had friends who were HIV positive.

I guess you really have to experience letting yourself go in a moment to understand how easy it is to put yourself at risk. Over the couple months it has been since I was with him I have wondered how I would feel if my test result comes back positive. Would it have been worth that one night fling?

Surprisingly I'm not afraid of the virus as much as I'm afraid of what it means for any future potential relationship. The months of agonizing I'm now going to have to endure wondering if I am infected are already giving me some insight into what it is like to live with such a mistake. I don't regret being with the guy but I do regret not protecting myself. I can't help but wonder if I'll be another statistic. Every news story and feature on HIV now catches my attention. It's weird how something that was only peripheral in your life can become so central from one decision. I don't think I could ever judge anyone who has HIV, and I feel even greater compassion now for those who are infected or die from the disease.
 
I understand what you are going through. A few weeks ago I was having PROTECTED sex with a guy and the condom slide off into my ass dumping in cum inside me.

He tells me he is HIV negative, but like you said, I have no way of verifying it. I have asked him to get tested for my own peace of mind and he has agreed to do so; however, he has not done so yet. I really like this guy and I am still seeing him.

I am not stressing over this ordeal as you are. There is nothing I can do at this point to undo what has happened. I will get tested again in three months since I was tested back in August. I understand it takes about 6 weeks for the HIV antibodies to show up on a test. So, that test should be a good indicator. I will deal with the results when I know them.

As far as having sex with other guys, the rule of thumb is assume the other guy is HIV positive and use protection.

I wish you well.
 
Forgive yourself for making a mistake. Carry protection and replace it often if not used. Sex drive is powerful for a reason. It will take over.
 
believe me i understand you
and please stop crazing yourself you haven't the HIV since he said his test is negative ;)
i have the same story i just write it yesterday ..|
PS :you can make your test right now since you passed two months and it may be almost the same after 6 months and of course after 6 months go again and make a new test
 
One correction- you have two options.

  • You can have an antigen test now. It is more expensive but if you feel that there is a high probability that you were exposed, it is an option.
  • If you want to wait and have the antibody test, you should get tested at 4-6 weeks. The CDC is recommending before 3 months but the studies are saying that most people will have enough antibody to have a positive result at 30 days if they were exposed.

Don't wait until 6 months. This would leave you untreated for 6 months needlessly.

If you are positive, you should consider starting antiretroviral therapy and viral load testing sooner rather than later.
 
Don't let yourself be fooled thinking HIV is a manageable disease.
Even if your T cell counts are good and you manage to stay healthy.. The damage the medications do to your body is alot worse than the virus. I've gone through so much pain because of aids with my family and my past relationships.
For the sake of everyone be safe!!
 
Cliche, but you have to think with your mind and not your dick. It's harder to do once it actually happens, but try to control your urges when you can.
 
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