i must be crazy...

[space44]

okay, so this is my first posting here.....and the reason i'm doing so is cuz i'm feeling pretty conflicted lately and need some input. first off...i just recently came out. just a couple months ago. it's been difficult, but i'm trying to forge ahead and stay strong throughout this process.

anywho...my issue. it seems that i've found myself attracted to a guy (my first real guy crush!) whom i cannot have. for a couple reasons. the most important being he's straight. at least i'm about 99% sure. what's got me confused is a recent interaction between us. we had both gotten drunk....and then, for the first time ever really, i started kinda flirting with him. telling him how cute i thought he was.....talking about how he had a sexy smile...etc etc etc. he seemed to kinda feed off of it....wasn't bothered or creeped out at all. so then, because i was feeling fearless thanks to the booze, i started getting a little frisky. felt his arms.....his chest....told him to take off his shirt....he did. he seemed to be really flattered by all this. he came and gave me a hug....held me for a minute and my hands went south and grabbed his ass. again....no freaking out or anything on his part. he even went as far as briefly pulling down his shorts and flashing me. SO.....is this normal behavior of a straight guy? could it be that he's just uber comfortable with his sexuality and finds any attention (male or female) flattering....esp since we were both drunk? he stated many times that he's 100% straight. it kills me though....cuz geez, i got it bad for this guy. it's prob useless though, right? i keep telling myself that, but damn....i can't stop thinking about him. It's the absolute worst feeling....wanting somebody u know u can't have....UGH!

 

[spiralgary]

thats not normal straight behavior. Im curious to know what happened after what was his reaction when you guys were together and sober?.

 

[Horschallen]

I think he was intrigued by the attention he was getting... perhaps he did not get enough elsewhere.

 

[Lube]

could it be that he's just uber comfortable with his sexuality and finds any attention (male or female) flattering....esp since we were both drunk?

So many guys here say this is possible, but I don't buy it. Sorry.

I don't care how "comfortable" someone is with their sexuality, a straight guy is not gonna be interested in this kind of behavior.

He's either gay, closeted, or in denial. But he's not straight.

Don't do shit like this when you're drunk. Don't give him any excuses, and see if he responds. It would help, too, if you came out to him.

 

[sabot3ur]

I really have no idea.

but I DO know that if you find a sexy gay man and say things like this you're bound to get some play, get to steppin!

 

[space44]

So many guys here say this is possible, but I don't buy it. Sorry.

I don't care how "comfortable" someone is with their sexuality, a straight guy is not gonna be interested in this kind of behavior.

He's either gay, closeted, or in denial. But he's not straight.

Don't do shit like this when you're drunk. Don't give him any excuses, and see if he responds. It would help, too, if you came out to him.

that's what i've been thinking...i really can't think of how a guy who is completely straight would allow such an interaction to take place. but what throws me for a loop is that he knows i'm gay....i'm out to him...and he keeps talking about how he's totally cool w/ people being gay....if he were, he'd have no prob coming out...etc etc etc. yet he talks only about females. what's odd though....while completely sober, he always does this like....play flirting thing w/ me. and has for quite some time. like he'll jokingly sit on my lap....or hold my hand or something like that. but this was all before he knew i was gay. and i never took it as anything other than him joking around. but seemingly, after i came out....it hasn't really stopped, even though you'd think it would. i dunno....very confusing. i haven't seen him since that night....who knows. it just sucks though cuz i can't stop thinking about him and i know it's useless. cuz if he is gay....he's keeping that shit under wraps.

 

[On The Edge]

hmm it cud be his Bi..or like some straight guys...like the attention..& have fun with it ...

 

[spencer]

you wouldn't believe some of the stuff straight men do, not to be confused with some of the stuff "straight" men do.

My advice, keep on pushing the envelope and eventually get to the point to where you're watching straight porn together and have him whip it out. Then you'll really know.

 

[TX-Beau]

Back in college I had a friend who spent his nights dancing in a jockstrap in a gay bar. Letting all those gay guys fondle his admittedly perfect ass and body for twenty dollar bills. He did it for the money of course, but also because he was an egocentric cock-tease.

He let me feel him up, was always dancing right on the line with me, and then, dancing right back to the other side. He even kissed me once. This guy wasn’t gay. Not in the least little bit. It was a game he was playing with me. That’s all. I stroked his ego, he got off on that, but he had no desire to, nor did he ever deliver.

Sure it was fun, but it was also frustrating, and now he’s a suburban daddy with three kids, and he's well along into breeder spread. Which is a shame, because he was a total babe.

Such is life. Don’t push for more than he’s willing to give. If he’s like my friend, you’ll get plenty of tease, which can be fun, but don’t fall in love, don’t think he’s gonna jump the fence, and don’t try and convince yourself he’s really gay.

 

[KaraBulut]

Never underestimate the insecurities and the need for attention of any guy- gay or straight.

A tease is a tease- male, female, gay, straight... it doesn't matter.

 

[space44]

i think u guys are right....i think he just liked the attention, regardless of where it was coming from. what tripped me up though was this was the first guy, since coming out, that i've actually had the courage to outright flirt with....and who was seemingly completely receptive to it. it certainly would have made things alot easier had he been like "eww....shoo!". : ) foolishness on my part though....i've just been hung up on this guy for a couple years now which makes it all the more difficult. anyway....thanks for your input guys....it def helped. : )

 

[TX-Beau]

This is a shot in the dark so it may or may not be applicable to you.

Is it possible that you were able to flirt with this guy because it was safe? As in you knew it wasn’t going anywhere?

There are a lot of guys, straight or gay who use pining for the unattainable as a shield against taking the real gamble, the one that puts you at risk. If we have no chance of ever having them, there is no toss of the dice. But if the guy is gay and still rejects us…

That’s a horse of a different color. You say it’s the worst feeling, wanting some guy you’ll never have a chance with, but actually the worst feeling is being rejected by a gay guy who you might have had a chance with. The first is completely impersonal, straight men don’t like guys, the second is extremely personal, if a gay man doesn’t want you, it’s you.

Look, there are all kinds of guys out there and there’s no harm in a little flirtation. So long as you keep your head on your shoulders and don’t try and build castles in the air. Enjoy what it is for what it is. I firmly believe that life is better if we don’t take it so seriously.

And who knows, one day you may find yourself some night…exchanging glances…wondering in the night…what were the chances…you’d be sharing love…before the NIIIIIIIIGHT was through!

OK so that’s too much scotch, for me and Old Blue Eyes.

 

[space44]

This is a shot in the dark so it may or may not be applicable to you.

Is it possible that you were able to flirt with this guy because it was safe? As in you knew it wasn’t going anywhere?

.

honestly.....not really. i was hoping it would go somewhere. part of me always suspected he might be gay...but i was never really sure....i still wonder. he's in his early 20's....incredibly good looking guy....charming as hell.....social butterfly, yet has never really had a girlfriend. some of his other friends have also mentioned to me in the past that they too wonder if he is or not. and since he's always been touchy-feely playful with me....i dunno....i guess it threw me for a loop. deep down i kept hoping (and foolishly still do!) that once he knew i was gay...and was into him, he'd be like.....u know what....i like u too. but i guess not. i just wish he wasn't such a damn tease though...cuz it never fails....every time he sees me...it's the same touchy feely crap over and over (even while sober) and it drives me insane (in a good way). but it makes it that much harder to try and move past these feelings i have towards him. i'm starting to think dude gets off on torturing me, i swear!

 

[Lube]

honestly.....not really. i was hoping it would go somewhere. part of me always suspected he might be gay...but i was never really sure....i still wonder. he's in his early 20's....incredibly good looking guy....charming as hell.....social butterfly, yet has never really had a girlfriend. some of his other friends have also mentioned to me in the past that they too wonder if he is or not. and since he's always been touchy-feely playful with me....i dunno....i guess it threw me for a loop. deep down i kept hoping (and foolishly still do!) that once he knew i was gay...and was into him, he'd be like.....u know what....i like u too. but i guess not. i just wish he wasn't such a damn tease though...cuz it never fails....every time he sees me...it's the same touchy feely crap over and over (even while sober) and it drives me insane (in a good way). but it makes it that much harder to try and move past these feelings i have towards him. i'm starting to think dude gets off on torturing me, i swear!

I, too, think he sounds pretty gay (but then everyone says I think everyone's gay, ).

And just because he says he's OK with other guys being gay does not mean that he's OK with being gay himself. I lived under that ugly double-standard myself for 40+ years. He sounds like he's in denial. I doubt there's anything you can do about that--he has to come around in his own time.

If it's any consolation, he probably does pine for you and/or beat off to thinking about you. But he can't accept himself yet. Sad. Been there, done that myself.