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I need advice? I don't even know.

FutureBear

FutureBear

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My fucking god. What I would give to be in a relationship with somebody. I haven't been close to anyone in a really long time and it's starting to get to me. I just wanna be close to someone, have somebody I can always go to when I'm in any kind of dilemma; someone I could snuggle next to any given night. I've been single so long it's becoming kind of a problem for my own well being... like, there's no one there to put me in check in any given situation. I feel like so many of my close friends confide things in me, yet I don't feel like I have any one I can tell meaningful things to just to get off my chest. Why, in all my patience, have I yet to find anyone (who's gay) remotely close to what I'm looking for in a partner.

What could I possibly be doing wrong?

Every guy I ever find myself physically and/or personality-wise attracted to alllllways ends up straight. And all the gay guys I meet I've found to be decently unattractive physically and personality wise.

Like... is this just me? I know good thing comes to those who wait, but my patience can only last so many years...
 
omg i am so in the same situation as you! i totally agree with every line you posted i t's like i posted this thread! thank god i am not the only one who feels like that! i thought it was just me and i have a problem and have to see a shrink or something.

i know this won't help but i'll tell you what everyone says to me, be patient and you'll meet the right person when you stop searching for him..
 
Nope, it's not just you. I'd absolutely love to have somebody special in my life, unfortunately though I don't see that changing anytime soon.
 
It took me over half a dozen years to meet someone even worth staying in an LTR with. Dont give up hope you're only 20.
Few if any meet the perfect Mr. Right, even after three and a half decades of adulthood several have come close to my ideals in different ways but no perfect match. As the old saying goes, "Close but no cigar".
 
Well, looks like I'm gunna be doing the same thing I've been doing. I definitely feel like a big part of my nearly non existant encounters with other gay guys is based upon location.

Another thing is, I'm thinkin it would be pretty hard to tell I was gay unless you knew me or one of my friends and found out. Seeing as flamboyancy is the exact opposite of what I'm looking for, maybe I've met a good match or two and just had no idea I was talking to a gay guy.

But yeah, I always get into conversations with guys I'd be attracted to at outtings. Sooner or later (Whether it be through facebook or later conversations) I find out they have a girlfriend.
 
I really don't want to appear bitchy, but I kindly ask you to re-read the OP. Does the person you are looking for sound more like a spouse or a mom? Maybe it's just what you are thinking about as you write, but a healthy spousal relationship is about two people who are complete by themselves forming a union for mutual benefit and enhancement. There comes a time in our life when we are capable of parenting ourselves when needed and also relying on friends when we need emotional support.

Looking back at my 27 year relationship I know there were times when I was more needy and times when my partner was. In many ways a relationship is more about the other rather than self. I think the best relationships are formed when the two parties complement each other. This means that I'll be better at some things and my partner at others.

Chances are that if a relationship lasts it could be that one ends up the caregiver of the other. Hopefully that is not the way the relationship begins, but, if so, the one requiring extra care has something to offer the caregiver in return.

I believe we all give off vibes and that a confident person comes across differently than a desperate one no matter how much the person thinks they are hiding thoughts and feelings.

There is something to be said regarding those who advise not trying so hard when it comes to seeking a spouse. If a person is able to let go the vibe that is given off the person is likely to be more appealing. Keep in mind if someone is attracted to a person seemingly needy the seeds of a dysfunctional relationship have been planted. Things are then in motion for an abusive or resentment laden partnership.

My advice? Do what you can to get happy. Try to meet people in all sorts of situations that are of interest to you, LBGT clubs and associations, for example. Get the straight guy stereotype out of your head as the ideal. I think part of that attraction can be attributed to the stereotype of the hetero relationship where the guy is seen as the rock for the emotional woman.

I am certainly not trying to insist I've painted a correct picture of anyone reading this, but I do know something about a 27 year relationship that has had it's share of transition, adaptation and change. I think I will always maintain that relationships are at their strongest when two emotionally healthy people unite and form a third entity so it remains obvious that two complete people have formed a union which allows both to keep developing.

I wish all of you seeking a wonderful partner the joy of finding that person. Keep in mind, however, that the real work begins at that point.
 
My thoughts are not advice. You, my friend, have to find your own way in this. But, it seems wrong to me for any person to accept or reject other persons purely on the basis of thier sexual orientation.

Good solid relationships make for fantastic sex IMHO. But all the persons one values as friends do not neately fit thmold of sex partners. Remember, friendship is valuable in and of itself. When two friends find they both want and need to express their affection for each other sexually that also does happen naturally. That sex has a way of confirming the bond that already exists between two persons.

In my own life, I have had few sex partners among my many friends. But those former partners remain dear friends to me; the love that prompted the sex has endured to the present long after the sex with them ended.

Not all friends are likely to become sex partners, but genuine loving friendship remains the best foundation for memorable sex which comes about naturally when the need for such becomes urgent for both friends.
 
My thoughts are not advice. You, my friend, have to find your own way in this. But, it seems wrong to me for any person to accept or reject other persons purely on the basis of thier sexual orientation.

Good solid relationships make for fantastic sex IMHO. But all the persons one values as friends do not neately fit thmold of sex partners. Remember, friendship is valuable in and of itself. When two friends find they both want and need to express their affection for each other sexually that also does happen naturally. That sex has a way of confirming the bond that already exists between two persons.

In my own life, I have had few sex partners among my many friends. But those former partners remain dear friends to me; the love that prompted the sex has endured to the present long after the sex with them ended.

Not all friends are likely to become sex partners, but genuine loving friendship remains the best foundation for memorable sex which comes about naturally when the need for such becomes urgent for both friends.
 
As someone who was not looking for a bf/ltr. I was actually with gf at time and unhappy.

But out of the blue I met a guy, and it was instant attraction and love.

Although some people say love does not happen instantly.. it did in our case.

And we are still together going on...
26-1/2yrs

So don't get your self down, sometimes love will find you in the most unusual places and times.

There is always someone there for everyone, don't be in a hurry, don't be picky, yet don't settle for slobbs either.

Keep your self out there and keep looking. Your still young and have your whole life ahead of you.

It will happen for you just give it time.

Hopefully you will all be able to find someone to share your life with, and be blessed with the happiness that I was lucky to have found...
 
Y'know I'm not even particularly looking for the sex part in this. I mean yes, I do want that, but you gotta crawl before you can walk. I'm seriously just craving some sort of relationship.

Looks like I'm just going to remain patient and open myself up to my peers more.

P.S. Soreknees (hehe) it's not that I'm attracted to the hetero image, it's more so that I'm very unattracted to excessive flamboyancy.
 
FutureBear said:
Y'know I'm not even particularly looking for the sex part in this. I mean yes, I do want that, but you gotta crawl before you can walk. I'm seriously just craving some sort of relationship.

Looks like I'm just going to remain patient and open myself up to my peers more.

P.S. Soreknees (hehe) it's not that I'm attracted to the hetero image, it's more so that I'm very unattracted to excessive flamboyancy.
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Good plan, but also as you do this keep in mind that you should set goals of priorities for your life.

Get you schooling/career set, housing going so you have a good income and life style that you like and can afford. Then work on relationships.

Always take care of #1 first---you, the rest will fall in place..
 
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