I need some further insight

[gangineer]

So, i feel like i'm a bit messed up sexually/emotionally. i have pretty much kept all my feelings to myself because i am fairly ashamed for what happened and have never fully, truthfully told anybody what has happend (in this one instance, there are others) but today told someone more than i ever had and it made me really confused and upset, so i'm asking for help just hasing through some feelings.

i was probably early 17, late 16, and at the gym. i finished and decided to sit in the hot tub for a bit. there was this guy there, maybe mid 60s, there and he kept looking at me. I left and showered and went home. A few days later, I went back and he was there again. This time, he saw me looking back, not sure what was happening. Apparently he took this as a sign of interest because soon after i got into the shower, he followed me into the stall. i kind of froze because i had no idea what to do. whould i run out or stay? if i get out and somebody was right there, what would happen? so i pretty much stood there as he tried to give me a blow job, though i was pulling away/trying to indicate that i wanted it to stop. when he finally gave up, he peeked out and left.
i'm also worried because i am being approached by this other guy who i met at a bar for 15 minutes and keeps sending me messages saying we should meet up. i just automatically assume that he's creepy because he has pursued multiple times, though he seemed fine.
i'm just really confused and unsure whether what happened was really wrong or whether i'm overreacting or whether i acted wrongly in the situation...

 

[KaraBulut]

As obvious as it seems, it bears saying- you're not 17 years old anymore.

Meet the guy for coffee in a public place. Talk to him. Get to know him. He's interested in you, so keep that in mind.

The outcome has a limited number of possibilities:

1. He could be someone that you are not interested in getting to know.
2. He could be someone that you like as a friend but there's nothing more to the situation.
3. He could be a nice guy and someone that you want to continue dating.

But always keep in mind that you are the one in control of the situation. Nothing can happen with this guy unless you want it to. Don't associate this guy with an unpleasant episode in your past- it's not fair to him.

~I'm going to move your post to CO&R where it will get more responses~

 

[TX-Beau]

That's kind of what I got.

Only I'm not going to call the first guy a gentlemen. He molested you. He should be shot. It wasn't your fault and says nothing about you.

That said, you need to stop being his victim. Yes it happened, but if you let it control the rest of your life you'll never be happy.

I don't know how to help you do that, so maybe you should get some professional help from someone who knows how to deal with this.

 

[Rand]

Mmm, yes, unnecessarily polite choice of word on my part, lol. The elderly lose their right to respect when they molest underage kids...

I believe anyone and everyone lose their right to respect if they molest or otherwise force their attentions / beliefs upon someone else. Just saying ....

 

[gangineer]

the guy in the bar was 6 months ago.
no, he's not the first, but it reminds me of it just because i met him so briefly that this interest makes me question his motives, as innocent as they may be.
i've considered myself gay for the last four years. i have closer friendships with girls than i do with guys, but that's different.
i dont know exactly what im ashamed about. i think that what happened is kind of gross and am ashamed that it happened.
i think im worried that, at this point, its hard for me to tell the difference between when im having sex because i want to and when i'm having sex to make somebody else happy and im worried that if i see him and he wants to have sex, i won't have the ability to tell him no.
that might be what you meant, maybe not.

 

[Lube]

Well, you don't want to subject yourself to abuse, but on the other hand there is a whole fetish community built around master/slave, Dom/sub relationships.

The difference is that those men know what they want and aren't afraid to ask for it.

You seem unsure. It's ok to want to make someone else happy as long as it makes you happy. If you're not happy about having the sex, it doesn't sound healthy. (I am not a therapist.)

 

[hotatlboi]

Meet the guy for coffee in a public place. Talk to him.

Only if you are comfortable with it!

If he seems like a stalker and creeps you out (I've had experiences with those kind of people) you are under no obligation whatsoever to do anything with him. You should tell him to fuck off if you feel he keeps bothering you and you have expressed no interest.

 

[TX-Beau]

...i dont know exactly what im ashamed about. i think that what happened is kind of gross and am ashamed that it happened...

I’m not a therapist either, but I believe this is a common reaction for someone who's been sexually assaulted.

You have nothing to be ashamed about, you were just a kid, and you coped with the situation in the best way you could. It’s not your fault. You didn’t ask for it, you didn’t create the situation.

I think you’d probably benefit from some counseling, if you can’t do it in person, at least call a gay help line.