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I need someone to help me understand

T

the1whohaditall

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I really want to know why most whie guys in the south wont go for a black guy. It just annoys me so much, most wont even talk to you long enough to find out your personality, after you tell them your black. Like in my case, i'm mixed with both white and black. And i'm little toward the white side, but most wont give me a time of day.:cry: I just need to understand...Please help
 
I've family from the South. It really is a cultural thing.

My cousin started dating a black man. Her mom kicked her out and they haven't spoken in months.

My Grandma is an ol' Southern Belle from Arkansas. I think she would have more of a problem with me dating a black man than being gay. But again, it's just that fucked-up mentality that seems to still permeate some.

I think you just have to look in different places.
 
Yeah, chalk it up to prejudice or in smaller cases, just personal preference. If it's the latter, it's incredibly rude for them to just drop you like that.

I'd date you :) But I'm in the north...the bitterly cold north...

Actually, the mother of a good friend of mine whom I'm close to was from the South. She's always been nothing but completely supportive and accepting of my sexuality, but she's incredibly rascist toward black men and latino men. It blows my mind. She went nuts when her younger daughter went out with a black guy when they were living in kentucky for a while. It's perplexing and disheartening.

The wrid thing is that her second husband who she loves and who's also the father of my friend is Latino...

So weird...
 
Some guys prefer blondes, some refer red heads, some prefer African-Americans, I prefer Caucasian. That doesn't mean I haven't and won't go out with a Black guy, I have. When you paint that picture of Ol' Dixie prejudice with such a broad brush, you are demonstrating your own personal prejudice toward Southerners, ignorance, stereotyping and intolerance.
 
Homoerectus said:
Some guys prefer blondes, some refer red heads, some prefer African-Americans, I prefer Caucasian. That doesn't mean I haven't and won't go out with a Black guy, I have. When you paint that picture of Ol' Dixie prejudice with such a broad brush, you are demonstrating your own personal prejudice toward Southerners, ignorance, stereotyping and intolerance.
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As the ol saying goes, "there is some truth in stereotype"....

I grew up in the south, and i can say that it seems like most white men won't date a black man because they assume we are all bad people
 
If you genuinely want to understand then go to your local library and read the history of the Southern States.

You'd be mistaken to think that just because someone is gay they are automatically tolerant, liberal and enlightened. There are just as many gay fascists and rednecks as there are in the general population.
 
I think being being black and gay (especially in the south) is somewhat unfortunate because of cultural differences between the races. Certain people may consider you to be "insecure" and "whiny" when you bring up a topic like this, but I think it's a legitimate discussion.

1. To be black and gay is very different than to be white (or any other race for that matter) and gay. Homosexuality is still not nearly as accepted in the african american community as it is in others. African Americans, particularly older generations, tend to view homosexuality as 'evil' and 'sinful.' And of course there are people of other races who may feel the same way, but African Americans as a whole still tend to ostracize homosexuals.

2. Such treatment leads to the "Down Low" phenomenon where black men outwardly live heterosexual lives but secretly practice homosexuality because they fear being ostracized from their community. It's also a known fact that there are way more closeted black men because of the african american community's inability to accept homosexuality. As a matter of fact, this is part of the reason why I'm not totally out.

3. So if you're black and you're gay...what's a guy to do? The number of black guys who are out is disproportionately smaller than the numbers of white guys who are out...so it makes it harder for us black guys to stick to our own kind. I'm not justifying what some consider the whiny, "Why don't white guys like me?" but I just wanted to put it all in perspective. It's not like there's a huge selection of black gay men out there who wouldn't mind being seen in public with another man.

In the end, race shouldn't matter. But it does to many and that sucks. But that's life. Besides, I don't want my race to be the deciding factor in why any guy would date or not date me. If I'm attracted to a guy, I'm attracted more to his mind than his skin color...and I know there are others out there who feel the same way. ;)
 
strataboy19 said:
I think being being black and gay (especially in the south) is somewhat unfortunate because of cultural differences between the races. Certain people may consider you to be "insecure" and "whiny" when you bring up a topic like this, but I think it's a legitimate discussion.

1. To be black and gay is very different than to be white (or any other race for that matter) and gay. Homosexuality is still not nearly as accepted in the african american community as it is in others. African Americans, particularly older generations, tend to view homosexuality as 'evil' and 'sinful.' And of course there are people of other races who may feel the same way, but African Americans as a whole still tend to ostracize homosexuals.

2. Such treatment leads to the "Down Low" phenomenon where black men outwardly live heterosexual lives but secretly practice homosexuality because they fear being ostracized from their community. It's also a known fact that there are way more closeted black men because of the african american community's inability to accept homosexuality. As a matter of fact, this is part of the reason why I'm not totally out.

3. So if you're black and you're gay...what's a guy to do? The number of black guys who are out is disproportionately smaller than the numbers of white guys who are out...so it makes it harder for us black guys to stick to our own kind. I'm not justifying what some consider the whiny, "Why don't white guys like me?" but I just wanted to put it all in perspective. It's not like there's a huge selection of black gay men out there who wouldn't mind being seen in public with another man.

In the end, race shouldn't matter. But it does to many and that sucks. But that's life. Besides, I don't want my race to be the deciding factor in why any guy would date or not date me. If I'm attracted to a guy, I'm attracted more to his mind than his skin color...and I know there are others out there who feel the same way. ;)
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And can I just add to the above--which is a great ovetrview by the way. That I have been very interested in all about this, and WHY the black community is noteceable homophobic. From what I learnt this wasn't always the case. Ie.e its not an African thang. it was inculcated via white colonialism
 
the1whohaditall said:
I really want to know why most whie guys in the south wont go for a black guy. It just annoys me so much, most wont even talk to you long enough to find out your personality, after you tell them your black. Like in my case, i'm mixed with both white and black. And i'm little toward the white side, but most wont give me a time of day.:cry: I just need to understand...Please help
Click to expand...
Sorry, but I don't understand either.
 
Well, let me just say this. If these guys are rejecting you purely on the bases of your race then they are racist. There is no such thing as racial sexual preference. It's racist to say you're not sexually attracted to a particular race of people. So, why would you want to be with some like that anyway? Learn to love and respect yourself first and then others will do the same. The right guy for you will come along. Instead, of you expecting them to give you the time of day why don't you not give them the opportunity to do so? They don't deserve your time or consideration.
 
Yes, it may be a cultural thing, but the sad fact is that children are silently taught the habits of avoiding those folks who are different.

It doesn't have to be that way; wise parents teach their children to be open to those who are different and that means being open and welcoming to all sorts of people. Wise parents lead by example.

We've got a lot of work ahead of us in this whole area. Different groups have their own cultural hang ups to deal with. My theory is that those who talk about openness are not always ready to deliver. But when I have opportunity I am willing to put them to the test and I find that in many cases that individuals will be ready to be inclusive even when their group is not. That's where change starts and those of us who are different ought never to give up in pressing our case for inclusion.

Peace!
 
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