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i need to end this

hunterpluto

hunterpluto

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downboy said:
midnight cant sleep. heart aches.


*

I am gay. I like bear guys. There aren't any bear guys here, where i live. So i have never had sex with anyone. I have never even kiss a man before. I am totally virgin. I hate myself. I have prayed for death. I have cried in bed so many times. I just cant take it anymore. [...] I have a straight friend. He is everything to me. He is totally bear guy. I ashamed to tell. I am so sorry. I am in love with him. I hate myself. I want him. I want him so bad. He is straight as i said. He knows i am gay. He has this relationship with his girl for more that 6 years. They do love each other. I hate myself. I love them. I would do anything for him. He must never ever find out that i want him. That will destroy our friendship. I thought it would pass away; this love thing. But it aint. And it is getting worse everyday. I cant stop the pain. I cant breathe sometimes. I hear his voice and my hearts goes crazy. He is everything to me. And i am fake. All i do is playing it sad just to gain his understanding. Just to make notice i exist. And that's bugging him. I cry all the time about everything. I love hating myself. I am such an egocentric. I need help. 16 pills and a glass of water would do. Yes! It would stop the pain immediately. No more pain. But then, i would lose everything that i love. My parents, my friends, him.

Why do i have to make others around me feeling sorry for me? Why do i have this unlimited need for other people's sadness? Why cant i be normal? Why damn it?

I cant take that anymore. Its not the problem with my friend. Its my life. I hate it. And i cant do nothing about it.

Sorry if i made your day sad, but i need to get fed by your supporting answers ("hey, its all gona be okay dude, dont worry", "we are here to help you, no need to worry about").. So please do not write anything good. God, i am so confused. I want this to end. help
Click to expand...

Try a change of scenery? Go away for a while, maybe to a place where there's other gay guys...for a bit of fun?

Are you sure there's no gay hangouts where you live?
 
downboy said:
midnight cant sleep. heart aches.


*

I am gay. I like bear guys. There aren't any bear guys here, where i live. So i have never had sex with anyone. I have never even kiss a man before. I am totally virgin. I hate myself. I have prayed for death. I have cried in bed so many times. I just cant take it anymore. [...] I have a straight friend. He is everything to me. He is totally bear guy. I ashamed to tell. I am so sorry. I am in love with him. I hate myself. I want him. I want him so bad. He is straight as i said. He knows i am gay. He has this relationship with his girl for more that 6 years. They do love each other. I hate myself. I love them. I would do anything for him. He must never ever find out that i want him. That will destroy our friendship. I thought it would pass away; this love thing. But it aint. And it is getting worse everyday. I cant stop the pain. I cant breathe sometimes. I hear his voice and my hearts goes crazy. He is everything to me. And i am fake. All i do is playing it sad just to gain his understanding. Just to make notice i exist. And that's bugging him. I cry all the time about everything. I love hating myself. I am such an egocentric. I need help. 16 pills and a glass of water would do. Yes! It would stop the pain immediately. No more pain. But then, i would lose everything that i love. My parents, my friends, him.

Why do i have to make others around me feeling sorry for me? Why do i have this unlimited need for other people's sadness? Why cant i be normal? Why damn it?

I cant take that anymore. Its not the problem with my friend. Its my life. I hate it. And i cant do nothing about it.

Sorry if i made your day sad, but i need to get fed by your supporting answers ("hey, its all gona be okay dude, dont worry", "we are here to help you, no need to worry about").. So please do not write anything good. God, i am so confused. I want this to end. help
Click to expand...


Hey, what the fuck you mean with "normal"? :mad: you're absolutely normal man, as normal as everyone here. Don't blame yourself with such a shit. there are lots of men in the world, just wait till the time your moment arrives, I don't know how old you are, but I think you're too young to think like that, you've got the whole life to get laid and of course it's gonna get better. I don't think you're in love with your friend, I think he is the only straight guy that has been nice with you. there are always gay people around us, just pay attention to the signs.

don't try to kill yourself man, there's no need to. it always gets better. try to meet new people, I mean gay people, chats and forums are always an option.

take care, don't be stupid, life is hard, but living it has no price.
 
Why aren't there any bears around you?

Can you come out?

If you're in the West, there's no reason why not. I waited until I was in my 30s. I was a virgin. I was afraid what my friends, at first, and then still my family, would do. Guess what? They supported and embraced me. Your friend knows, so why wouldn't others except you.

Find someone available. I've been in love with guys who weren't available for whatever reason. YOU DO GET OVER THEM. You might not forget them, but you'll find someone else.

It's your life. Live it. Don't wait. Start tomorrow. You owe it to yourself to be happy. No one worth a damn would want you to be sad. Don't let yourself be sad.
 
Let me guess, you must be from India or anywhere where majority of the people are homophobic including gays who just cant accept themselves..the place where gays hate themselves for bieng gay. ryt?

Committing suicide is the worst thing you can do to yourself. Dont be a coward after all you are a man!! Not a girl.. There is an efing notion that still prevails everywhere that 'gays are girlish'!! Hell NO! That's absolutely ridiculous. I know many str8 guys who are girlish and not even masculine. Okay comin back to teh topic DO NOT CONSIDER YOURSELF AS ABNORMAL. You are just normal like all others. Trust me there are many people like you all around the world but most of them just pretend to be str8 due to some reason or other.

And besides i have been in a similar situation like you. I considered myself as bisexual until i met this guy, my best friend. I liked him so much more than a friend. I didnt know i loved him deep inside me. He was attracted to me also and we accidently had sex one day when we were 19. We were guilty then because homosexuality is a crime in India. Even gays are homophobic here....:mad::mad:
 
continued...

But i knew i had true feelings for him. I just did not give a damn about what others thought and continued to have sex with him. But i did not know he was trying to avoid me. We had sex until some efing girl proposed him. Then i began to notice him slowly changing. Finally we broke up. Then i faced the similar feeling you're havin now. I had the hardest time in my life. I too became homophobic and hated myself. But that wont work. Trust me. But when i accepted myself and lead teh life that's comfortable for me i could get back in track. I still love him and i know he still loves me too but he doesnt want to love me because he wants to be like others here. So i moved on. Now im happily single 22 yr old gay dude..:D

Do you know one fact : you can get over anything once you start loving yourself. Have self respect. Do not care what others do or what you see in movies. They all portray str8 contents and dont get influenced. Just be yourself!!! That's all i have to say. Start loving your body. Make friends... and enjoy life every moment...coz you dont know what's gonna happen to you. Whoever we are Gay str8 wotever we all end up dead one day...;)
 
We've all been there to some extent. Some worse than others. I was madly in love with a straight guy for 10 years and it was a terribly destructive relationship.

There is no question. It hurts. But the sooner you rip off the Bandaid, the sooner the healing can begin.

He will not change. And the only way you can move on is to decide that you need to move on. It sounds like you are almost ready.
 
It would really be helpful if we knew where he is from. He has internet access, so using dating sites would be the next step.

Not that I've found anybody through them yet, but that's just me :-({|=
 
Hey downboy,

Mate... I moved your thread to this forum... I know that your love and passion is for bears, and one in particular... but this forum is full of guys who can offer you some amazing advice and insights. They will support you and offer you the benefit of their own expereinces... all without judgement and your well being in mind.

All of us just want to see you feeling better....

You have to try and understand that your heart doesn't let you control who you love... and it sure doesn't matter whether they are a bear or a twink or a daddy or any other crazy name... you love who you love.

And when its not returned it hurts like crazy and clouds everything else. Theres a constant ache that doesn't seem to end.

But it will... with time. And even though its been a while now you need to trust that it will happen. You have to help it though...

You need to broaden your outlook. Distract yourself with real and meaningful things... charity work, participate in sporting events or social activities that interest you... meet people, not with the mindset of finding a partner, but simply because you need to see for yourself that theres a world of opportunities out there.

Opportunities to not only feel better and move on (dont remove these people from your life, thats crazy because good friends are worth their weight in gold) with a new perspective that you just cant get now. Opportunities to understand that you are worth being loved by someone who can and will love you back.

Because beleive it or not downboy, that guy is out there for you. You just have to get up, move on and help him find you.
 
^^^Please re-read tallguy's and JR's post over and over. They, and the other posters, have given excellent advice.

It's very hard to love someone who cannot love you back. The only way to really cure yourself from that is to remove yourself from him--as hard as that sounds. I don't know where you live and why there are "no bears in your town" (I thought they were everywhere). Anyway, it is possible for you to move to a different town and start over? I don't know how possible/practical that is for you.

Anyway, good luck. You don't have to feel this bad--there is a big wide world out there and there is someone in it for you!

(*8*)
 
there are no bear guys where you live? are you kidding? unless you're from a non western country, bears (as in, overweight/obese hairy men) are the most common male demographic.
 
I think alot of us have been in your shoes at some point and time. I like you also had a very large crush on one of my straight friends. I eventually had to break all ties with him in order to get over it because I knew it would not work out. Time heals all things, but suicide does not.
 
downboy,

you're not alone, stay in this forum and follow their advice. don't do anything stupid.
 
OK, there's gotta be a gay social group, team, club.. um... soccer team? Greco-Roman wrestling team.. something.. near you where you can meet a few gay friends. Some will be slim and not your type but no reason you can't be friends with them. Friends lead to other friends and eventually Mr. Big, Burly Bear man will appear and pick you up, carry you off to his cave and cuddle you all night.

But you gotta put yourself out there.

You'll be amazed with how fast you forget all about the unreturned love of a straight guy once you start meeting guys who are capable of returning those feelings.

(oh, and by the way... being too down on yourself is a good way to chase off Mr. Big, Burly Bear. I've met only a handful of people who love every single thing about themselves and those people are insufferable. Learn to love or at least accept your short-comings.)
 
I had a thing for a certain type of guy. Kinda tall. A bit dark - half-Asian, maybe. Muscular. Long hair. Clean shaven. I could picture him in my mind.

Now I'm with a short, roundish, bald guy with a beard. What the hell happened? Did I give up on my dream? Did I decide I didn't have a prayer with a hot guy like that, and decided to toss my lot in with the first guy who came my way?

No. I fell in love. How'd that happen? I put myself out there. I took a couple chances. I got to know some people. And when this guy came around, I didn't say "nope - not my type" and immediately move on. I got to know him. And eventually, I got to love him.

I say all this not to imply that your interest in bears and bear-y guys is "wrong". But don't exclude yourself. Get out there. Meet some guys. See what happens.

Lex
 
if u thinking about killing yourself...then u really do need to get emotional/mental help...there r alot of guys out here for u and a good one will find u ....
 
Downboy, it's one thing to feel depressed but if you are seriously thinking of killing yourself you need to seek professional help. I'm not making a joke or trying to be funny. I'm someone who cares about you. Many people suffer from Depression and don't even realize it. You are lonely and I totally understand that. I get lonely too. I live in an area where a lot of people look like Brad Pitt and the people I find attractive don't like bears. But you have to remember, you will find someone someday. You have a lot of internet friends on this board and you can make a lot of friends in the real world as well. But if you are really thinking of killing yourself look into therapy. If your depression is caused by a medical reason then they have ways of treating it. It may be medication, it may be a change in your diet, it may be therapy, you won't know until you look into it. Therapy is not just for crazy people, it can help anyone who needs it. Please, talk to someone. Is there a Gay and Lesbian Center where you live? They may help direct you.

And please let us know how things are going with you. We care very much.
 
Hey I have said this before but it doesn't matter at all. We always are looking for something or someone but what we get at the end of the day is not always what we thought. there's nothing wrong if you like bears but don't be so square, what we see beyond physical attributes is quite important and you can fall in love with someone which you didn't expect. I'm sure you've noticed that we don't know you but we care of you, and you know why? because there are lots of people out there that are nice, kind friendly GAY and careful about things specially "gay people". so get out and meet some of them.

take care of yourself.
 
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