I needs some advice on relationships..

[out1979]

First, I would like to apologize in advance for the long note…

I need some advice on what I should do….

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, but I have been seeing another guy on the side. I know this sounds bad but the other guy and I have not done anything sexually yet. We are in the getting to know one and another phase right now. I feel that I needs to see this other person to truly now that I’m in love with my boyfriends and that he is the one from me. (I know this may sound crazy to some…)

I love my boyfriend he is fun to be with and we get along great when we are together, but I just can’t get past some of the things he says and does……

For example, we just got back from a week on long vacation at the beach and he said that it was boring for him to be there and that he is not sure if he is going to go again next year. The vacation I go on is with my friends every year to the same place to hang out and chill by the beach. I was really turned off by this comment. I would go anywhere he wanted to go even if I was not totally into it. Also, I just can’t see going on vacation without him. I want the person I love to be with me.

Also, my boyfriend does not seem to want to branch out and try new things. For example, he likes to go to NYC and go to the same stores looking for things like records / cd’s that he collects. He goes every month and I have gone several times with him already. However, I refused to go last month and he got upset that I did not want to hang out with him in NYC. I said that I would go but I would like to do other things like go to the MET or see a show or something. He then proceeded to tell me that he is not into those things and that he needed to go to his usual places to see what the stores have that is new. He still collects CD’s and it is kind of an obsession with him. However, I know that this is his “thing” and I try not to get in his way, but I just can’t stand to do the same thing over and over.

I even invited him a few weeks ago to go down to Washington DC and tour the museums and see the monuments but he said that this kind of stuff would bore him. So, I asked one of my friends to go and we had a great time.

I’ve tried to have conversations with him about these things but he just does not seem to get what I’m saying or just wants to keep doing things his way. He says he gets what I’m trying to say to him but I don’t think he really does. I know that he loves me, but I just don’t think he realizes what he is doing to me.

So, am I wrong for seeing other people on the sly? I feel like a bad person when I meet with my “friend”, but I really like him and we seem to be hitting it off. We like to do the same things and this has been a huge plus for me.

I would love to hear your thoughts and advice… I feel that my relationship with my boyfriend may be coming to and end. Ugh.

Thanks!

 

[rareboy]

Dump him.

He sounds perfectly dreary. And self absorbed.

But I'm having trouble with the idea that you've already become emotionally involved with some other guy and don't have the cajones to tell your current bf that you're moving on.

Do it.

Right away. You've already cheated on him emotionally, don't wait until you've betrayed him sexually.

 

[racer2438]

First, you disrespected him as a person you are involved in. Thats a shame on you, once a cheater always a cheater.

2. you should have had a good long talk about what you both want out of this. If in the end it's in opposite directions. Then you both should decide to go or not. If you dont communicate then all this builds up to a point where you now start to nit pick everything out as excuses why you are now unhappy.

I have been in love and partnerd with my honey for 25 years this august.

We did not get here by nit picking. We both have quirks that bug us but if you really love someone that you learn to accept them as a package deal.

We have the best sex ever, love each other to death.

So my advise to you is to decide what you both want and need. It's best to find out so that this fake love does not get drawn out. And each go find they new happines.

 

[Lefty]

fact is, you and the boyfriend arn't.

 

[FabFairy]

I think you know the answer but don't want to take that step.

The fact that you are seeing someone else and can't get passed them would indicate your not happy with your current Boyfriend. Not being compatible is fine but don't make it worse by letting it drag out until you want to kill each other.

As you say your current Boyfriend and yourself are not interested in the same things but your friend on the side seems to be more in touch with what you like. That should tell you something.

 

[LoveIsNow]

Yes, you are wrong for seeing other men. If you can't work things out with your boyfriend, the only thing to do is break up. I wouldn't give my biggest vote of confidence to the new guy, though. As they say: relationships that start through cheating usually end so, too.

 

[arc248]

I'm having the similar problem... I just started to see the other guy, but the thing is that my boyfriend does not live in the same country as I am now.

Well, I think you need to be honest with yourself and with your boyfriend - do you see you two together for the long run? If not, perhaps he is not the right person for you anyway, and let him know that you're seeing someone else, open relationship or break-up.

But also be aware that no two person are the same, you'd have to work out the differences at some point in any relationship. Do the common interest overcome the differences? See the balance?

 

[G-Lexington]

Let me get this straight.

You vacation the same place every year, and meet up with the same people, and you want your boyfriend to tag along. Your boyfriend says he finds this boring, which you find a major turn-off.

He goes to the same places every month, going to the same record stores, and apparently wants his boyfriend to tag along. You find this boring because you "can't stand to do the same thing over and over", and he has issues with that.

I'd say that's a double standard, but that's not why you posted. I think you posted to 1. get justification for seeing another guy on the side, and 2. get encouragement to break up with your boyfriend. I don't know if I can give you #1, but consider #2 done.

Lex

 

[Lefty]

lex, i think he and the boy friend already broke up, they justdon't know it yet.

and whoever posted above implying this poor fool is cheating, come on (unless i missed a revelation about physical) all he has done so far is acquired a new good 'friend' with potential...jmho but it is mine

 

[KaraBulut]

Love isn't enough. Really, it's not.

You and your boyfriend are two people with different lives.

The two of you don't want to learn to enjoy the other's interests. But you both expect each other to adopt your likes and hobbies.

There's no mention of why the two of your started seeing each other and why you are compatible. Just the mention of "love".

You're already holding auditions for the boyfriend understudy. The question is when you're going to replace the role permanently.