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I really don't get along with gay guys.

Kennylingus

Kennylingus

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It's really weird, but a friend of mine and I were talking about, and I've never had a friendship with a gay guy last over a week. I have had longish lasting relationships, but no plutonic friendships. I don't even know what that means about me. Any ideas?
 
It doesn't mean anything! It just means that you haven't connected with anyone gay on a friendship basis yet.

I'm in my 40s and only have straight friends (for now). Kind of sad, cuz I know that it shouldn't necessarily have to be that way, however, I definitely don't lose sleep over it, nor do I ever ask myself why.
 
I don't think that's unusual at all and it doesn't mean anything. I've had long periods of time where most of my real friends were straight. I don't even count "gay bar friends". Bar people tend to be flighty. I've also had periods of time where I was surrounded mostly by gay friends (plutonic) regardless of my relationship status. I think it just depends on what's going on with your life during certain periods of time. While they have been rare, I've even had very brief periods of time when I just didn't feel like being around anything or anyone gay.

I don't think being gay means you have to be exclusively gay in your choice of friends. Real friendship is a gift that knows no sexual orientation.

I do have of a couple gay friends who can't seem to wrap their mind around the idea that you can have gay plutonic friendships. It's possible they may be the type you have met.
 
Gargoyle nitpick of the night - it's "platonic". :)

I guess the real question is why you chose not to be friends with the ones you met. Didn't click with them? Decided it wasn't worth the time if it wasn't going to be a sexual relationship? Felt uncomfortable around them? Different answers would lead to different suggestions.

Lex
 
^ Yes, exactly.

It's hard to know without more details.

It does seem strange that you have none at all (unless, perhaps, you've ended up fucking every one of them, and so they're no longer platonic! :) )
 
I used to worry about this too. I have some gay friends but my closest friends are all straight. It's probably because I wasn't out until college and i didn't really associate with a lot of gays back then. Sometimes i feel like it's a problem but i think it's mostly about who you connect with and what you're interests are. I'm not that into the "gay scene," by which i mean i don't favor a lot of social activities that are gay focused so most of the gays in my life are there by chance. It is kind of a bummer for dating because I'm one of those guys who likes to be friends first, I hate meeting people for the sole purpose of hooking up or even just dating. I like relationships that come from friendship and that doesn't often happen when all your friends are straight.
 
^Can you describe your gay friends to us? How are they different from your straight friends?
 
Well most of my gay friends are kids that I met in college. I went t to a small liberal arts school with an equally small gay community so people tended to clump together. They're nice kids to have a laugh with or hit up a bar occasionally but in general we don't have a lot in common other than being gay. That's probably why i don't see them too often out here in the real world even though quite a few of those guys live in the same city that I do. My straight friends tend to be friends that I grew up with or share a lot of common interests with. Most of my gay friends aren't into hiking, camping, or snowboarding which i enjoy. Conversely I'm not that into the bar scene which they tend to get more out of.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I don't so much have straight friends and gay friends. I have friends, and I have gay friends. When I do socialize with other gay people it tends the interaction is gay focused. Like "let's go to a gay bar" or "let's see this gay movie" or whatever. I do feel like i'm missing out on something by not having more gay friends, but in general the friends i do have are low doses people and I'm not sure if that's about me or them.
 
MrSarcastic said:
I guess what I'm getting at is that I don't so much have straight friends and gay friends. I have friends, and I have gay friends.
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Oh, that's too bad. :(

Sounds like you got involved with the party boy crowd. There are plenty of gay (and lesbian) tree huggers and nature lovers out there. Maybe you'll find some during your escapades; keep an eye open. ..|
 
I used to have that issue with other gay friends. But I let it be known that I'm in a monogamous relationship to shut down any notion that I'm interested in anything except friendship. One of two things will happen. We become great friends or they trail off.
 
G-Lexington said:
Gargoyle nitpick of the night - it's "platonic". :)

I guess the real question is why you chose not to be friends with the ones you met. Didn't click with them? Decided it wasn't worth the time if it wasn't going to be a sexual relationship? Felt uncomfortable around them? Different answers would lead to different suggestions.

Lex
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I don't know, I don't usually click with a lot of people, I'm kind of an asshole. But the few gay guys I have had friendships with just didn't last at all. Like within a week I was just done with them. I never felt uncomfortable around them. I fucking love gay bars.
 
Kennylingus said:
I don't know, I don't usually click with a lot of people, I'm kind of an asshole. But the few gay guys I have had friendships with just didn't last at all. Like within a week I was just done with them. I never felt uncomfortable around them. I fucking love gay bars.
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Well, how does a straight friendship end vs. a gay friendship end? Are there different circumstances or reasons?

Are they annoying? Loud? Quiet? Boring? What?
 
Well, I'm not sensitive and, well, I'm kinda fond of assholes (grin), so you can come sit by me.
 
LOL, fair warning, I'm gonna steal that from you!
 
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